I have been with my bf for just over 1.5 years.. he is an amazing person, we're best friends, he makes me laugh, he treats me amazing, he has an awesome family- the type of man you know will be a good husband/father.. I describe our relationship as best friends who are attracted to one another.. We have so many things to our relationship that I see us being happy when we are 60. I am 31 and he is 30, I feel like I have dated a lot before him, been through many ups & downs, I have been engaged to Mr. Wrong, had 3 long terms prior and many short things in between.. I feel that when I met my bf he had everything I wanted on paper and just personality wise, he was a good man with a ton of great qualities, why wouldn't I have fallen in love with him!
As I mentioned, we've been together just over a year & half and although our sex life is still GREAT, it has faded lately. I would say due to my lack of interest.. I still love him, we're affectionate together- but my interest in sex has diminished and I haven't been sure why. We are at a high point, we have been in our new home together 3 months now, I have a feeling a proposal could be coming very soon. I have zero complaints about our relationship or him that would affect me not being with him. The only change I have noticed is my sex drive plummeting.. I enjoy our time together and cuddling, but my sexual interest for him is definitely taking a turn for the worst even though he is awesome in bed!! Is that normal? I just don't feel like myself… I don't feel excited to have sex, I don't feel that urge to be passionate with him or even kiss him sexually. Lovingly, of course- I constantly kiss and hug him- but in a sexual way NO. Not for any reason, I really can't put my finger on it. I sometimes go to bed and pretend I am sleeping when he tries to touch me, so that I don't have to make love (that's awful). When we are sexual it's great, feels amazing and I enjoy it. The urge is just not there to do it often- I wondered if medically I had a problem, but I have never experienced this before?
A week ago, I went out for a much needed girls night. We had an amazing time and I did not go looking for or expect anything beyond the norm, when something (or rather someone) totally caught me off guard. I saw this tall man walk in- I noticed him right away and said to my gf WOW. He is tall and attractive yes, but he is not gorgeous- just has a nice vibe to him I noticed instantly. Like a "love at first sight" which is so cliché and I never feel that for anyone lol. My gf goes running over to him, turns out she has known him since pre-school- he lives in our city! I kept my distance throughout the night, mostly socializing having a great time with everyone. My gf told me afterwards, that she basically threw herself at him and he didn't seem interested, she said he seemed focused on me- watching me from a distance even. He approached me later on and we sat one-on-one and chatted. I got a very weird, different but exciting vibe (my heart was racing, I was comfortable yet excited, drawn to him). As we chatted about life, our jobs, random things, etc. I felt this insane connection. And no, not just a sexual connection. Something very very weird and different I have never experienced before. I could see him as the type of man married, having kids, having passionate sex, on vacation, shopping at the grocery store all of the above….. VERY weird. I am not the type that sees a man just physically and it does it for me- I need to connect with the mind and the personality looks come 2nd.. I have often fallen in love with men who people ask me WHY?? You're way out of his league.. doesn't matter to me, when I like someone I can't explain it. This man something is there and even more so than I have ever felt in my life- it was weird and different, that I don't even understand what it is. I can't even say I have had this happen before, so I really have no explanation for this.
We chatted for some time and towards the end of the night he approached me again, saying he was leaving. I just smiled and said goodbye (but felt sad). He did his rounds and was about to leave but approached me once more and just kind of stood there staring like an idiot. I felt like ok I should probably give him a proper goodbye so I went over and hugged him goodbye and said it was so nice meeting him. He said "How are we going to keep in touch? Should I take your number?"…. I got really awkward and apologized and said I couldn't, I had a boyfriend and it wasn't appropriate. He put his head down, embarrassed and said he was SO sorry he obviously got the wrong idea and he quickly left.
After that evening, I kept thinking about him, about that night and it kept bothering me! I thought to myself "I have to contact him"… but why??? What am I doing?
He was easy to track down, obviously he knows one of my closest gf's so I found his social media sites lol…. I picked twitter, it's pretty laid back, and thought I could just follow him quietly and maybe he won't even know lol.. I follow him and within maybe half hour he sends me a private message.
He was kind of shocked and asked why I would shaft him on the weekend and now I am following him? I explained that I felt bad, and given my situation it wasn't appropriate. But at the same time, I felt something and it was bothering me. He admitted that he felt sad that evening when he left, and was rather confused- He felt something to and wondered why I shot him down, but he does get it why I felt I couldn't.
We've been communicating casually through private messages and he keeps saying that ball is in my court if I want to explore things. He knows I have a bf and admitted to me that he is divorced recently (which I knew from my girlfriend telling me). He is 30, also my age. He said that he was in an "ok" marriage and realized that he did not want to settle unless he had everything. I have not gotten into too many details over the chat, but he does keep saying he thinks I need to go with my gut and if I want to see him than to follow that and to let him know what I decide.
This is a TERRIBLE situation- Like I said, I have no complaints in my relationship- sure things get boring sometimes. I realize not everything is always going to stay new and relationships take WORK. You need to spice things up and keep it alive. Problem is, what the heck am I feeling for this guy and why?????? I have NEVER had this lust, love at first site, whatever you want to call it for someone! I have never even had that feeling when I met my ex-fiancé years ago or my current boyfriend. I was normally just attracted to a man because he made me laugh, we had common interests, we had good chats and connected in that way. I have never had this sort of chemistry with someone one I BARELY know- and it does go beyond looks, this guy is total husband material. He is not some beefy hunk guy with big muscles.. He is attractive sure, but it's a whole package thing- it's not just physical looks, he is no Brad Pitt. I want to make that clear, to explain my thoughts on this guy aren't just for a sexual fling. I see him if I was not with my boyfriend as the type of man I would absolutely marry. Granted, I know nothing about him at this point, just my vibe and what I know of him from what my girlfriend tells me from his past and prior marriage.
Has anyone had this happen before? Does this mean anything? I know it's normal in a relationship or marriage to find other people attractive, but that's not all this is to me. I see men I find attractive out a lot, or they have approached me, it doesn't faze me. I have never had this kind of attraction towards someone while in a relationship, and definitely not while in my current relationship. This is confusing! I am the biggest advocate of doing the right thing, if you're not happy get out of a relationship, I don't believe cheating solves anything… I am not looking to cheat.. I am not unhappy in my relationship to the point I would leave. I have left relationships in the past and am perfectly happy being ALONE- I am very independent and I feel 100% confident that if I didn't love my boyfriend or if I 100% couldn't see myself marrying him, I would break things off and be single until I found someone who I did want. This is why this confuses me completely and I can't understand it…
Thoughts???
:scratchhead:
As I mentioned, we've been together just over a year & half and although our sex life is still GREAT, it has faded lately. I would say due to my lack of interest.. I still love him, we're affectionate together- but my interest in sex has diminished and I haven't been sure why. We are at a high point, we have been in our new home together 3 months now, I have a feeling a proposal could be coming very soon. I have zero complaints about our relationship or him that would affect me not being with him. The only change I have noticed is my sex drive plummeting.. I enjoy our time together and cuddling, but my sexual interest for him is definitely taking a turn for the worst even though he is awesome in bed!! Is that normal? I just don't feel like myself… I don't feel excited to have sex, I don't feel that urge to be passionate with him or even kiss him sexually. Lovingly, of course- I constantly kiss and hug him- but in a sexual way NO. Not for any reason, I really can't put my finger on it. I sometimes go to bed and pretend I am sleeping when he tries to touch me, so that I don't have to make love (that's awful). When we are sexual it's great, feels amazing and I enjoy it. The urge is just not there to do it often- I wondered if medically I had a problem, but I have never experienced this before?
A week ago, I went out for a much needed girls night. We had an amazing time and I did not go looking for or expect anything beyond the norm, when something (or rather someone) totally caught me off guard. I saw this tall man walk in- I noticed him right away and said to my gf WOW. He is tall and attractive yes, but he is not gorgeous- just has a nice vibe to him I noticed instantly. Like a "love at first sight" which is so cliché and I never feel that for anyone lol. My gf goes running over to him, turns out she has known him since pre-school- he lives in our city! I kept my distance throughout the night, mostly socializing having a great time with everyone. My gf told me afterwards, that she basically threw herself at him and he didn't seem interested, she said he seemed focused on me- watching me from a distance even. He approached me later on and we sat one-on-one and chatted. I got a very weird, different but exciting vibe (my heart was racing, I was comfortable yet excited, drawn to him). As we chatted about life, our jobs, random things, etc. I felt this insane connection. And no, not just a sexual connection. Something very very weird and different I have never experienced before. I could see him as the type of man married, having kids, having passionate sex, on vacation, shopping at the grocery store all of the above….. VERY weird. I am not the type that sees a man just physically and it does it for me- I need to connect with the mind and the personality looks come 2nd.. I have often fallen in love with men who people ask me WHY?? You're way out of his league.. doesn't matter to me, when I like someone I can't explain it. This man something is there and even more so than I have ever felt in my life- it was weird and different, that I don't even understand what it is. I can't even say I have had this happen before, so I really have no explanation for this.
We chatted for some time and towards the end of the night he approached me again, saying he was leaving. I just smiled and said goodbye (but felt sad). He did his rounds and was about to leave but approached me once more and just kind of stood there staring like an idiot. I felt like ok I should probably give him a proper goodbye so I went over and hugged him goodbye and said it was so nice meeting him. He said "How are we going to keep in touch? Should I take your number?"…. I got really awkward and apologized and said I couldn't, I had a boyfriend and it wasn't appropriate. He put his head down, embarrassed and said he was SO sorry he obviously got the wrong idea and he quickly left.
After that evening, I kept thinking about him, about that night and it kept bothering me! I thought to myself "I have to contact him"… but why??? What am I doing?
He was easy to track down, obviously he knows one of my closest gf's so I found his social media sites lol…. I picked twitter, it's pretty laid back, and thought I could just follow him quietly and maybe he won't even know lol.. I follow him and within maybe half hour he sends me a private message.
He was kind of shocked and asked why I would shaft him on the weekend and now I am following him? I explained that I felt bad, and given my situation it wasn't appropriate. But at the same time, I felt something and it was bothering me. He admitted that he felt sad that evening when he left, and was rather confused- He felt something to and wondered why I shot him down, but he does get it why I felt I couldn't.
We've been communicating casually through private messages and he keeps saying that ball is in my court if I want to explore things. He knows I have a bf and admitted to me that he is divorced recently (which I knew from my girlfriend telling me). He is 30, also my age. He said that he was in an "ok" marriage and realized that he did not want to settle unless he had everything. I have not gotten into too many details over the chat, but he does keep saying he thinks I need to go with my gut and if I want to see him than to follow that and to let him know what I decide.
This is a TERRIBLE situation- Like I said, I have no complaints in my relationship- sure things get boring sometimes. I realize not everything is always going to stay new and relationships take WORK. You need to spice things up and keep it alive. Problem is, what the heck am I feeling for this guy and why?????? I have NEVER had this lust, love at first site, whatever you want to call it for someone! I have never even had that feeling when I met my ex-fiancé years ago or my current boyfriend. I was normally just attracted to a man because he made me laugh, we had common interests, we had good chats and connected in that way. I have never had this sort of chemistry with someone one I BARELY know- and it does go beyond looks, this guy is total husband material. He is not some beefy hunk guy with big muscles.. He is attractive sure, but it's a whole package thing- it's not just physical looks, he is no Brad Pitt. I want to make that clear, to explain my thoughts on this guy aren't just for a sexual fling. I see him if I was not with my boyfriend as the type of man I would absolutely marry. Granted, I know nothing about him at this point, just my vibe and what I know of him from what my girlfriend tells me from his past and prior marriage.
Has anyone had this happen before? Does this mean anything? I know it's normal in a relationship or marriage to find other people attractive, but that's not all this is to me. I see men I find attractive out a lot, or they have approached me, it doesn't faze me. I have never had this kind of attraction towards someone while in a relationship, and definitely not while in my current relationship. This is confusing! I am the biggest advocate of doing the right thing, if you're not happy get out of a relationship, I don't believe cheating solves anything… I am not looking to cheat.. I am not unhappy in my relationship to the point I would leave. I have left relationships in the past and am perfectly happy being ALONE- I am very independent and I feel 100% confident that if I didn't love my boyfriend or if I 100% couldn't see myself marrying him, I would break things off and be single until I found someone who I did want. This is why this confuses me completely and I can't understand it…
Thoughts???
:scratchhead:
Put the internet to work for you.
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