I have been with a girl now for 9 months. Now before I write anymore, I know most people will just want to tell me to leave her, and that she's just not capable of a relationship. I realise this, but leaving her is not an option, so any other advice or help will be greatly appreciated.
Im 25, shes 22.
- She gets very tense with physical contact, hugging etc. She does let me hug her, but pulls away after five seconds
- She doesn't like kissing (french) as once someone apparently was sick in her mouth.. understandable.
- She doesn't like talking dirtily
- We haven't actualy had propper sex yet, she finds it painful, something I've suggested the doctor to her about which she's pretended I never said, in denial.
- We're only sexual once ever month or two.
- When we are sexual, she makes no expression at all, doesnt make a sound or move and is extremely tense, almost like a plank.
- She never tells me when shes upset, I know through her friends when something has upset her in her life, job etc, but she always lies to me and tells me shes fine.
- We only see each other once a week or sometimes less
- She occasionaly dissapears for a few days, then comes back adn tells me she misses me, no clue why or what shes doing..
- Recently, she's not been talking as much, distancing herself a lot and I have no clue why... though she still says she misses me. She will post on facebook ''What to do this Saturday night?'' almost as if aimed at me... I will then suggest something, she will ignore me and go out with friends instead.
There are many more things I could write but you get the picture. I know that you all will be wanting to tell me to leave her, but I'm not going to do that.
I'm with her, becasue despite it all, I love her. I don't know why, I just do. It's difficult, yes... but I'm willing to try to understand, and over the months I have understood her more and more, yet theres still a long way to go.
From a psychological point of view, I've figured she's avoidant attachment... and im anxious attachment... which when together are difficult... but doable.
I do not talk too much abotu these things with her as she will simply not be able to respond... she can't explain her emotions or feelings or behaviours well at all. She knows what I think and feel, and seems to try harder each time i do try to convey them to her, yet when she tries harder, she also seems to become more stressed and upset.
Any advice or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
I should also add that she has ADD and dyspraxia.
I know that she loves me, in her own way, she just struggles immensely in showing or expressing her feelings. I have no clue why, but she does. If I felt she didn't love me I would have left, but I know she has good intentions, just many issues.
Im 25, shes 22.
- She gets very tense with physical contact, hugging etc. She does let me hug her, but pulls away after five seconds
- She doesn't like kissing (french) as once someone apparently was sick in her mouth.. understandable.
- She doesn't like talking dirtily
- We haven't actualy had propper sex yet, she finds it painful, something I've suggested the doctor to her about which she's pretended I never said, in denial.
- We're only sexual once ever month or two.
- When we are sexual, she makes no expression at all, doesnt make a sound or move and is extremely tense, almost like a plank.
- She never tells me when shes upset, I know through her friends when something has upset her in her life, job etc, but she always lies to me and tells me shes fine.
- We only see each other once a week or sometimes less
- She occasionaly dissapears for a few days, then comes back adn tells me she misses me, no clue why or what shes doing..
- Recently, she's not been talking as much, distancing herself a lot and I have no clue why... though she still says she misses me. She will post on facebook ''What to do this Saturday night?'' almost as if aimed at me... I will then suggest something, she will ignore me and go out with friends instead.
There are many more things I could write but you get the picture. I know that you all will be wanting to tell me to leave her, but I'm not going to do that.
I'm with her, becasue despite it all, I love her. I don't know why, I just do. It's difficult, yes... but I'm willing to try to understand, and over the months I have understood her more and more, yet theres still a long way to go.
From a psychological point of view, I've figured she's avoidant attachment... and im anxious attachment... which when together are difficult... but doable.
I do not talk too much abotu these things with her as she will simply not be able to respond... she can't explain her emotions or feelings or behaviours well at all. She knows what I think and feel, and seems to try harder each time i do try to convey them to her, yet when she tries harder, she also seems to become more stressed and upset.
Any advice or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
I should also add that she has ADD and dyspraxia.
I know that she loves me, in her own way, she just struggles immensely in showing or expressing her feelings. I have no clue why, but she does. If I felt she didn't love me I would have left, but I know she has good intentions, just many issues.
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