Hello. I need advice on how to handle my situation with another woman.
I am a 41 year old father of two and I've been divorced for almost 2 years now. I've had several long term relationships since, but I've met this girl (she's 28 and very attractive) about 2 months ago and my feelings for her I haven't felt since I was in high school. Crazy.
I apologize for this very long post but it's so everyone can understand the dynamic and how I should handle it from this point forward.
She and I work at the same school. But we rarely see each other. I first found out that she moved here from another state leaving her BF behind. Apparently, things have not been good. And that she was interested in hanging out with me.
So I asked her out to go rock climbing. Not exactly romantic, but I wanted there to be no pressure. Plus, it turns out she loves rock climbing. She also gave me her #.
Suddenly, we started running into each other more often. And she would always smile and say hello.
Two days before we had the rock climbing date, she came to my office out of the blue to tell me she is in a serious LD relationship and would understand if I wanted to cancel. My response was unrehearsed and arguably stupid. I said that I like her and think she is beautiful. And that we should still go out and have fun.
It turned out to be a long "date" with rock climbing, having a picnic and taking a walk through the park. It was a 5 hr "date" and we had fun. However, at the end she mentioned her boyfriend briefly (something about having surgery). It threw me off as I was going to attempt to kiss her. We stood facing each other at the end of the date which felt like an eternity and I froze. No kiss to end the date.
We ended up going out for drinks the next night though. This time she made a b-line for her car at the end of the date.
Now you would think she's not interested in me at all at this point and I thought the same. So I stopped chasing her. Two days later she came to my office to hang out and talk. She asked if I was ok? I played it off and ignored the question. We started to talk more at this point.
Over the next month we would meet for lunch once a week and discuss many of our interests. It was during this time that I discovered we had a lot in common. And it was apparent she enjoyed spending time hanging out with me and talking. We'd email each other once a day with something interesting or something funny. But we would rarely text. What I've also learned is that she's a bit of an introvert, strong willed, and at times often self-deprecating. She would make comments about me as someone that had an interesting life and had my **** together.
So it sounds like she likes me. However, if she had an interest in me, she was playing hard to get.
She apparently brags about me and many of my suggestions. Apparently, she has been taking her friend out to many of the places I've suggested and would always tell me it was great.
She went back home for Thanksgiving and told me she was going to be staying with her BF. That she was making plans to do things with him there, that her and I have been doing the past month. She told me that my road trip for Thanksgiving sounded better than her trip. We never contacted each other during the Thanksgiving break.
Early this week, I surprised her at a dinner function she had to attend and that was optional for me. She walked up and said how excited she was to see me there. We hung out a bit and she asked me how my road trip went.At one point She and her friend were going to go for drinks afterwards and she asked me to go. I declined saying I had to leave. The look on her face was of shock. She really looked surprised and a bit upset. I was playing a little hard to get too I guess. I now recall another time where many of us went bowling and drinks afterwards. I left the group early because I had other plans to go to a cool beer/music concert. She ended up texting me later if it was too late for her and her GF to go. It was but we still met for a beer afterwards. And maybe my playing hard to get was working?
The next day I ran into her and she invited me to a X-mas party her friend was having that night. I told her I would get back with her and later told her to count me in. She replied she was excited and she picked me up and we went to the party. I tried to play it cool at the party mingling with many of the other people there. Afterwards, she took me home and we had another great conversation on the way. At one point as we were in my drive way she explained she was ill and the only person who cared or helped her was her roommate. I tried to say something of the effect that I didn't know. Then there was an "awkward silence". I felt like she was waiting for me to say something and I told her that I still liked her. Stupid I know!! My co-worker said that I've been sending mixed messages of sometimes ignoring her and other times showing interest. So I said it. In hindsight, I regret it. Because I'm told that you should never share your feelings like that. So much for me playing ha rd to get. Why couldn't I see the obvious?
However, she responded that she liked me too. She also said things were really crazy and bad between her BF at the moment. I changed the subject and then soon after said goodnight and left.
I couldn't believe what a fool I was. Sharing my feelings like that. It's been extremely difficult to gauge if she likes me and is playing hard to get or if it's just the classic friendzone.
The next morning she sent me an email about one of these conspiracy topics her and I discussed at the party. Looks like I didn't scare her completely off. I didn't reply back till the end of the day. I waited that long because I didn't want to come across as needy again. Ever.
Yesterday, I sent her a text that I was stopping to pick up some lunch and if she was interested. She replied back with a yes please. However, just before I picked up lunch she said if she could take a rain check because she was "terrible company". I took it as she's not in any shape to talk to me because she's upset/sad/depressed with her breakup. How do I know? She and I share music on a music streaming site and I noticed she's listening to all these breakup songs. Yikes!
The crazy thing was that I was only going to drop off lunch and tell her that I couldn't eat with her. But I never mentioned it. Just dropped the whole lunch thing.
At the end of the day I sent her a funny website to cheer her up. She replied back that it was cute and funny and asked me a question about one of the funny photos.
And that's where I now stand. And I'm not going to initiate another email/text to her.
What I realize now is that it's probably risky to get into the middle between her and her ex-bf. That it's very fresh.I later learned from a coworker that spoke with her this week that the Thanksgiving trip was a bad one for her. That the guy made promises he couldn't keep and does not have his **** together. She then told my co-worker that she broke up with her BF. And that's she also upset because she's "getting old" and thinks her time is running out (marriage?).
If I am playing a factor into some of this, she may resent or hate me. I feel like I just need to let her completely go. I have a date with a different girl this Friday, so I'm working on this. I know I need to not fixate on one girl, but it took me longer than to hook up with another girl. I'm making plans with my guy friends the next night. Keeping myself busy.
However, at the same time I feel like I should become indifferent, yet ignoring her is a ****ty move considering she's in a dark and depressive state with her breakup and is lonely. Couldn't this be a good opportunity to be there for her. Or is that only setting me up to fail? What should I do? If she asks what I'm up to next week, how should I respond about my date Friday night?
Again, my apologies for the long winded email. Just didn't want to leave out details.
And yes, you don't have to remind me to keep my mouth FN' shut to her (and to my date Friday nite)about my feelings. Ugh.
I am a 41 year old father of two and I've been divorced for almost 2 years now. I've had several long term relationships since, but I've met this girl (she's 28 and very attractive) about 2 months ago and my feelings for her I haven't felt since I was in high school. Crazy.
I apologize for this very long post but it's so everyone can understand the dynamic and how I should handle it from this point forward.
She and I work at the same school. But we rarely see each other. I first found out that she moved here from another state leaving her BF behind. Apparently, things have not been good. And that she was interested in hanging out with me.
So I asked her out to go rock climbing. Not exactly romantic, but I wanted there to be no pressure. Plus, it turns out she loves rock climbing. She also gave me her #.
Suddenly, we started running into each other more often. And she would always smile and say hello.
Two days before we had the rock climbing date, she came to my office out of the blue to tell me she is in a serious LD relationship and would understand if I wanted to cancel. My response was unrehearsed and arguably stupid. I said that I like her and think she is beautiful. And that we should still go out and have fun.
It turned out to be a long "date" with rock climbing, having a picnic and taking a walk through the park. It was a 5 hr "date" and we had fun. However, at the end she mentioned her boyfriend briefly (something about having surgery). It threw me off as I was going to attempt to kiss her. We stood facing each other at the end of the date which felt like an eternity and I froze. No kiss to end the date.
We ended up going out for drinks the next night though. This time she made a b-line for her car at the end of the date.
Now you would think she's not interested in me at all at this point and I thought the same. So I stopped chasing her. Two days later she came to my office to hang out and talk. She asked if I was ok? I played it off and ignored the question. We started to talk more at this point.
Over the next month we would meet for lunch once a week and discuss many of our interests. It was during this time that I discovered we had a lot in common. And it was apparent she enjoyed spending time hanging out with me and talking. We'd email each other once a day with something interesting or something funny. But we would rarely text. What I've also learned is that she's a bit of an introvert, strong willed, and at times often self-deprecating. She would make comments about me as someone that had an interesting life and had my **** together.
So it sounds like she likes me. However, if she had an interest in me, she was playing hard to get.
She apparently brags about me and many of my suggestions. Apparently, she has been taking her friend out to many of the places I've suggested and would always tell me it was great.
She went back home for Thanksgiving and told me she was going to be staying with her BF. That she was making plans to do things with him there, that her and I have been doing the past month. She told me that my road trip for Thanksgiving sounded better than her trip. We never contacted each other during the Thanksgiving break.
Early this week, I surprised her at a dinner function she had to attend and that was optional for me. She walked up and said how excited she was to see me there. We hung out a bit and she asked me how my road trip went.At one point She and her friend were going to go for drinks afterwards and she asked me to go. I declined saying I had to leave. The look on her face was of shock. She really looked surprised and a bit upset. I was playing a little hard to get too I guess. I now recall another time where many of us went bowling and drinks afterwards. I left the group early because I had other plans to go to a cool beer/music concert. She ended up texting me later if it was too late for her and her GF to go. It was but we still met for a beer afterwards. And maybe my playing hard to get was working?
The next day I ran into her and she invited me to a X-mas party her friend was having that night. I told her I would get back with her and later told her to count me in. She replied she was excited and she picked me up and we went to the party. I tried to play it cool at the party mingling with many of the other people there. Afterwards, she took me home and we had another great conversation on the way. At one point as we were in my drive way she explained she was ill and the only person who cared or helped her was her roommate. I tried to say something of the effect that I didn't know. Then there was an "awkward silence". I felt like she was waiting for me to say something and I told her that I still liked her. Stupid I know!! My co-worker said that I've been sending mixed messages of sometimes ignoring her and other times showing interest. So I said it. In hindsight, I regret it. Because I'm told that you should never share your feelings like that. So much for me playing ha rd to get. Why couldn't I see the obvious?
However, she responded that she liked me too. She also said things were really crazy and bad between her BF at the moment. I changed the subject and then soon after said goodnight and left.
I couldn't believe what a fool I was. Sharing my feelings like that. It's been extremely difficult to gauge if she likes me and is playing hard to get or if it's just the classic friendzone.
The next morning she sent me an email about one of these conspiracy topics her and I discussed at the party. Looks like I didn't scare her completely off. I didn't reply back till the end of the day. I waited that long because I didn't want to come across as needy again. Ever.
Yesterday, I sent her a text that I was stopping to pick up some lunch and if she was interested. She replied back with a yes please. However, just before I picked up lunch she said if she could take a rain check because she was "terrible company". I took it as she's not in any shape to talk to me because she's upset/sad/depressed with her breakup. How do I know? She and I share music on a music streaming site and I noticed she's listening to all these breakup songs. Yikes!
The crazy thing was that I was only going to drop off lunch and tell her that I couldn't eat with her. But I never mentioned it. Just dropped the whole lunch thing.
At the end of the day I sent her a funny website to cheer her up. She replied back that it was cute and funny and asked me a question about one of the funny photos.
And that's where I now stand. And I'm not going to initiate another email/text to her.
What I realize now is that it's probably risky to get into the middle between her and her ex-bf. That it's very fresh.I later learned from a coworker that spoke with her this week that the Thanksgiving trip was a bad one for her. That the guy made promises he couldn't keep and does not have his **** together. She then told my co-worker that she broke up with her BF. And that's she also upset because she's "getting old" and thinks her time is running out (marriage?).
If I am playing a factor into some of this, she may resent or hate me. I feel like I just need to let her completely go. I have a date with a different girl this Friday, so I'm working on this. I know I need to not fixate on one girl, but it took me longer than to hook up with another girl. I'm making plans with my guy friends the next night. Keeping myself busy.
However, at the same time I feel like I should become indifferent, yet ignoring her is a ****ty move considering she's in a dark and depressive state with her breakup and is lonely. Couldn't this be a good opportunity to be there for her. Or is that only setting me up to fail? What should I do? If she asks what I'm up to next week, how should I respond about my date Friday night?
Again, my apologies for the long winded email. Just didn't want to leave out details.
And yes, you don't have to remind me to keep my mouth FN' shut to her (and to my date Friday nite)about my feelings. Ugh.
Put the internet to work for you.
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