Sorry in advance for the long story...
Around Jan 2013 the wife of 7 years (2 kids, 3 and 6) starts telling me she isn't happy in the marriage. Like most guys I guess I was blindsided. She says she still loves me but she continues to get more angry and emotional around me. Stops talking to me during the day and doing lunches (we work across the street from each other). No sex, no intimacy, situation not looking good.
Then in March 2013 I happen to check the phone records. Never occurred to me that she would be cheating I guess. Calls every day, sometimes 15+, totaling hour or two of conversation to this unknown #. I call her up and ask. We meet at home she tells me she never loved me or was attracted to me and that the # is some guy "Brent" that she works with. She works for a home builder here in MN and said Brent did various duties. Refuses to tell me Brent's last name.
But she says the marriage problems are all my fault. Says she needs me to put her first but can't describe how I'm not. Says she needs space. For the kids sake we take turns moving out for a few days vs her moving out completely. She then tells me I'm emotionally abusive. The targets keep changing. Meanwhile I have been doing IC with a Christian counselor since March. She refused to do any joint MC.
In July 2013, finally she says she's done so I hire an attorney and serve her papers. She says she can't do it to the kids so we need to work it out. But to bottle my issues up because she just can't care about me right now. She decides she should quit her job to focus on the kids who were suffering through this. Okay...
She never does MC. Never tells me Brent's last name. Lied about hidden bank account and when I start getting close to the truth because nothing made sense, she just kept telling me lies upon lies vs being honest. Probably 3-4 days worth of new lies until I got the truth. Blaming me the whole time.
Sept 2013 she starts telling me she loves me. Sleeping by and with me. No arguing really but still won't discuss any issues.
Oct 15, 2013 The home builder offers her a new job to come back, big promotion, big money. $100k+ Its her dream job, how can I say no. Plus we needed the money. She says Brent doesn't even work there anymore.
11/01/2013 Day after Halloween, I ask her when can she go to MC because I'm having anxiety over never talking about any of these issues and they aren't going away.
She never came home that night. Only answered the phone to tell me she doesn't love me and she is done and not coming back. Comes to the house and takes whatever she wanted (bed, dishes, etc...) when I am at my dad's birthday party with the kids the following day.
I don't know what I did wrong. It's like I wasn't allowed to have any emotion the whole time. I lived in my basement alone for 6 months, she never once came down by me.
I filed for divorce on 11/05 and had her served. Found out a week ago that this guys name isn't Brent, it's Mike Tarn*** who is an electrician, is married, and has 2 kids.
She had been lying the whole year to me. Told me I was crazy and all these issues and I was 100% to blame. I have been doing Christian IC for 9 months now, alone.
I love my wife dearly but I feel like this whole thing has been a sham. She was lying the whole time... what hope was there ever for us?
I feel like I did everything I could do and as much as it hurts I need to be free of her. She has been moved out for a month, she never calls to talk to me. Calls me to talk to the kids when I have them (joint custody) but ignores me entirely when talking to the children. Not even a courteous hello, goodbye or anything.
What did I do wrong? I'm hurting pretty badly and trying to hate her for what she did to me and our kids. I don't believe in divorce at all. But I don't see any other way.
When people go this crazy with the habitual lying, passive aggressive, narcissistic behavior is there any hope of them coming back? No chasing, begging, or pleading will help. I know that. The divorce filing didn't phase her. Should I just accept it's done, get over her, and move on?
I can't be the only one to have gone through something like this. I don't know if there was an affair or not - all I know is they were talking. I can guess stuff. But the killer for me is the lies. We were together for 10+ years and she has been my best friend.
Around Jan 2013 the wife of 7 years (2 kids, 3 and 6) starts telling me she isn't happy in the marriage. Like most guys I guess I was blindsided. She says she still loves me but she continues to get more angry and emotional around me. Stops talking to me during the day and doing lunches (we work across the street from each other). No sex, no intimacy, situation not looking good.
Then in March 2013 I happen to check the phone records. Never occurred to me that she would be cheating I guess. Calls every day, sometimes 15+, totaling hour or two of conversation to this unknown #. I call her up and ask. We meet at home she tells me she never loved me or was attracted to me and that the # is some guy "Brent" that she works with. She works for a home builder here in MN and said Brent did various duties. Refuses to tell me Brent's last name.
But she says the marriage problems are all my fault. Says she needs me to put her first but can't describe how I'm not. Says she needs space. For the kids sake we take turns moving out for a few days vs her moving out completely. She then tells me I'm emotionally abusive. The targets keep changing. Meanwhile I have been doing IC with a Christian counselor since March. She refused to do any joint MC.
In July 2013, finally she says she's done so I hire an attorney and serve her papers. She says she can't do it to the kids so we need to work it out. But to bottle my issues up because she just can't care about me right now. She decides she should quit her job to focus on the kids who were suffering through this. Okay...
She never does MC. Never tells me Brent's last name. Lied about hidden bank account and when I start getting close to the truth because nothing made sense, she just kept telling me lies upon lies vs being honest. Probably 3-4 days worth of new lies until I got the truth. Blaming me the whole time.
Sept 2013 she starts telling me she loves me. Sleeping by and with me. No arguing really but still won't discuss any issues.
Oct 15, 2013 The home builder offers her a new job to come back, big promotion, big money. $100k+ Its her dream job, how can I say no. Plus we needed the money. She says Brent doesn't even work there anymore.
11/01/2013 Day after Halloween, I ask her when can she go to MC because I'm having anxiety over never talking about any of these issues and they aren't going away.
She never came home that night. Only answered the phone to tell me she doesn't love me and she is done and not coming back. Comes to the house and takes whatever she wanted (bed, dishes, etc...) when I am at my dad's birthday party with the kids the following day.
I don't know what I did wrong. It's like I wasn't allowed to have any emotion the whole time. I lived in my basement alone for 6 months, she never once came down by me.
I filed for divorce on 11/05 and had her served. Found out a week ago that this guys name isn't Brent, it's Mike Tarn*** who is an electrician, is married, and has 2 kids.
She had been lying the whole year to me. Told me I was crazy and all these issues and I was 100% to blame. I have been doing Christian IC for 9 months now, alone.
I love my wife dearly but I feel like this whole thing has been a sham. She was lying the whole time... what hope was there ever for us?
I feel like I did everything I could do and as much as it hurts I need to be free of her. She has been moved out for a month, she never calls to talk to me. Calls me to talk to the kids when I have them (joint custody) but ignores me entirely when talking to the children. Not even a courteous hello, goodbye or anything.
What did I do wrong? I'm hurting pretty badly and trying to hate her for what she did to me and our kids. I don't believe in divorce at all. But I don't see any other way.
When people go this crazy with the habitual lying, passive aggressive, narcissistic behavior is there any hope of them coming back? No chasing, begging, or pleading will help. I know that. The divorce filing didn't phase her. Should I just accept it's done, get over her, and move on?
I can't be the only one to have gone through something like this. I don't know if there was an affair or not - all I know is they were talking. I can guess stuff. But the killer for me is the lies. We were together for 10+ years and she has been my best friend.
Put the internet to work for you.
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