I don't know if this is the place, but I just wanted to encourage those of you with DBs.
My wife and I had trailed off considerably after the kids were born, and were down to once/week, which may sound good, but it was done not out of desire on her part but obligation. During this time I would pester her for sex, which usually lead to a "I hate that you keep count!" reaction and hurt feelings all around. Eventually I made my peace with it and we went about living a partnership marriage. Unsatisfying and sad, but no real conflict. She still felt like I was upset from time to time, and it made her uncomfortable.
Finally 5 years ago something had to change. To her credit, she sat me down and we had a honest talk. Her therapist had encouraged her to think about what made her fall in love with me, and consider whether I still did those things. Guess what she loved that I had let slip?
Leadership
Surprising her
Dressing to impress her
Flirting
Aggressive, dominant sex;)
Sound familiar? Without either of us having read the book, she basically laid out MMSL.:o Many things I thought were desirable to her were not increasing her attraction to me.
I know it won't work for everyone, and I never though this would work for me, but it was a surprisingly easy fix. No more tshirts, more golf, more flirting and innuendo, texting in the middle of the day, more late nights talking, some rough sex, and before I know it things have totally turned around. We enjoy each other so much now that being apart is almost physically painful.
Last week I was out of town on business from Sunday-Sunday. We missed our time together very much, and have been making up for lost time since I got back Sunday night (even through the jet lag.) This morning she observed "That was our 12th time since you got back in town 5 days ago." My response? I smiled at her, held her close, kissed her head and said "I hate that you keep count.":)
My wife and I had trailed off considerably after the kids were born, and were down to once/week, which may sound good, but it was done not out of desire on her part but obligation. During this time I would pester her for sex, which usually lead to a "I hate that you keep count!" reaction and hurt feelings all around. Eventually I made my peace with it and we went about living a partnership marriage. Unsatisfying and sad, but no real conflict. She still felt like I was upset from time to time, and it made her uncomfortable.
Finally 5 years ago something had to change. To her credit, she sat me down and we had a honest talk. Her therapist had encouraged her to think about what made her fall in love with me, and consider whether I still did those things. Guess what she loved that I had let slip?
Leadership
Surprising her
Dressing to impress her
Flirting
Aggressive, dominant sex;)
Sound familiar? Without either of us having read the book, she basically laid out MMSL.:o Many things I thought were desirable to her were not increasing her attraction to me.
I know it won't work for everyone, and I never though this would work for me, but it was a surprisingly easy fix. No more tshirts, more golf, more flirting and innuendo, texting in the middle of the day, more late nights talking, some rough sex, and before I know it things have totally turned around. We enjoy each other so much now that being apart is almost physically painful.
Last week I was out of town on business from Sunday-Sunday. We missed our time together very much, and have been making up for lost time since I got back Sunday night (even through the jet lag.) This morning she observed "That was our 12th time since you got back in town 5 days ago." My response? I smiled at her, held her close, kissed her head and said "I hate that you keep count.":)
Put the internet to work for you.
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