Stressed and Confused..Need advice

Basics about my family. We have been married 7 years, together 11. We have 5 kids and a grandson(2). The 3 younger are mine and the two older are his. (13, 14, 17, 24, 25) I am for the most part very passive and he is very controlling and mostly has all the say in what happens from $ to how we(he) disaplens the kids. He is a good man who supports his family financially but has a way of making you feel less than equil. We have suffered alot in the last 11 years from the death of my mom to the death of his only brother, just months ago also our grandson spent almost a month in the hospital sick. The man that has been closest to him is currently dying of cancer as well. We for the most part have held our lives together through all of this. But about a month ago something in me snapped and I had finally had enough of all the emotional put downs and I walked out on him. I was only gone for the night but during that night I spent it talking to a male friend who has a wife and kids as well. My husband broke our number one rule of privacy and checked my phone records and called the number and found out i had been talking to another man. This hurt his feelings as well as mine for him breaking our rule. We have now developed trust issues. I went home hoping to try and fix our relationship but something in me is broken and all I feel all the time is sadness and anger towrds him. I have no desire to talk to him or be in his company. He says if I just snap out of it we would be ok. But I dont think that is gonna happen, at least not for a long time. I told him I needed space to heal from whatever is troubling me and he promised to give it to me, now e veryday he says he hopes I will just hurry up and snap out of it and get better. He doesnt belive in mental illness and thinks its a game. I have made an appointment to see a theapist however we are really stuck. He says i am an a$$hole and doesnt like who I have become. I found an apartment to move into and now have to decide ASAP if I can stay and heal or if I should just move on. He is almost back to being his old self. My way or the highway.. What do I do...?? I love him and dont want to hurt him but I dont know if I can continue to live like this..

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979