Mother in Law problems

My mother in law comes over to see the kids. Lately she's been making comments that have been insulting to me. She's made me feel like I'm a bad mother. I spoke with my husband about some of the things she's said. Anyway, he talk to her for me but she twisted things around, like she always does. He just tells me, she said she didn't mean it that way it was "miscommunication" That's always her excuse no matter what, I'm sick of it. For the life of me I cannot get his family to accept me as I am, they always feel they need to try to change me or tell me how I need to do things. She can be so rude, and I don't think she even realizes it sometimes. I get so aggravated with her, I'm just so sick of her. The past few years her and I have been through rough times. She's done things that have hurt both my husband and I. Finally about a year ago, I decided I was tired of always feeling hurt and angry, that I was going to try to start over. Not forget what she's done but try to at least forgive. For the kids sake, have a decent relationship. But, how can I have a healthy relationship with someone that can be rude. She's so bossy, minipulates like crazy, she's stolen from us, she doesn't put out childrens health before her or her husband. Her husband has a shop and he cuts a bunch of aluminum. Anyways, he sometimes comes to visit still dressed in his work clothes. My 9 month old was chewing on his filthy shirt and I said something. I pretty much just said, yuckies ******* don't chew on papa's dirty shirt. He just says oh she's fine, it won't hurt her. Well, what he doesn't realize is sometimes he can have small shavings of aluminum on him. He refuses to change his shirt or clean up...why idk. So my husband spoke to his mother and told her to bring one of his shirts to our house so he can have a shirt there. Seriously, its gross but more importantly it's not safe. If that gets in her eye, it can not only be painful but who knows what else can happen. We aren't trying to be picky but we feel like he should change his shirt. His mother said, well that can be insulting to dad asking him to change his shirt before he picks up the kids. Really? So she won't bring a shirt over and won't let me tell him to change. Idk, I can go on for hours really. This is just recent crap that I;ve been dealing with. Husband is still deployed so I'm having to deal with it on my own. He tries to help as much as he can but they just don't take me seriously. What to do?

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