| I don't know if it's the dominant belief or not, but there is a cadre of posters on here that believe that you should NEVER ask for sex. This belief appears to be targeted for husbands asking their wives for sex, and the reverse situation is not an issue. Feel free to correct my assumption if this belief is meant to apply to both sexes. My personal opinion - based on my experience with being married - is that asking for sex is really not that big of a deal. I don't think it automatically leads to "diminished sex rank" in your wife's eyes, or that you are pathetic. People will use the phrase "Don't ask your wife for sex because you'll come across as being needy". Well...yeah. Of course I'm needy if there is a lack of sex. What I think happens is that people fail to make the distinction between "needs" and "being needy". We were given a prime example of that in the Men's clubhouse on a Father's day thread started by WOM: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-cl...-offences.html I'm not trying to single out WOM because I respect his views on a number of topics. But he did put up what I think is a fascinating thread for discussion purposes. He was clearly bothered by not being acknowledged on Father's Day. I feel for him, and based on what he wrote I would feel upset if I was him too. But a few people - and perhaps his initial thoughts himself - were to keep the hurt feelings buried because he didn't want to come across as being needy. He ultimately did say something to his wife, and in reality he helped himself out. I don't want to speak for WOM, but I don't think he's a needy person. However, he had a need to be acknowledged and validated on a day that is to honor fathers. He didn't get it. Does that automatically drop his sex rank because he communicated his feelings? It should not because he's an otherwise confident guy that respects himself. This leads to my thoughts on sex. We're human. We have needs for intimacy. If we don't get those needs met - overtime we become needy. If your marital situation is pretty strong and you normally have a healthy sex life, I don't believe that it's wrong or that it will diminish you in your wife's eyes if you make a comment about the lack of sex if you happen to be in a dry spell. Let's be honest. When you broach a subject with your spouse, the declarative sentences you verbalize are in reality questions about meeting your needs. Stating in a confident voice "We need a more active sex life and I expect it to start today" is in reality "Will you have sex with me more often?". Most people aren't stupid and can see a request - no matter how "alpha" you make the request. Now if you are a husband and you come to your wife with tears streaming down your cheeks and are pleading for sex, then that looks pathetic. But if you have a candid conversation giving your view to your wife that you two haven't been reconnecting lately and "why don't we change that tonight?" does not look pathetic to me at all. It looks honest. So tell me your thoughts. Do you believe that it's bad for a man to ask his wife for sex no matter what? Or do you make the distinction between asking for sex vs begging for sex? In my mind, begging is the real killer of sexual passion - not asking. | |||
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