At a loss!

My husband and I got married rather quickly. He's cheated a few times and so have I but at the beginning before we had our children. We've had a lot of issues with his ex girlfriend and his child with her. The ex is certifiably insane but he lets her get away with threatening me and our children & I've had to tell him he's not allowed to bring his other child to our home because she's violent towards our young children. He allows the bad behavior and I won't let my kids be kicked, pushed, or bullied. That's a HUGE problem in our relationship. It's the lack of backbone just amazes me and makes me angry. How can he allow his child with his ex do that to an INFANT? How can he let his ex act that way towards his WIFE and KIDS? He is very strict with our young kids but lets his child who is fully capable of following rules and knowing better than to hit ANYONE let alone someone who is 4 years younger and much more fragile. Recently, I found a number in his wallet and it was his other ex... the one he's cheated on me with before. It was from when we separated a while back but the fact he still had it really hurt my feelings. I think it hurt even worse because when I left all he said was how much he wanted things to work and how he loved me and the kids. Yet, he's out getting his exes number and hiding it from me? What makes it worse is they work together. I'm literally sick to my stomach from all this. I'm not sure how much more I can take. His ex makes my life hell, his child with her stresses me out to the point I have panic attacks when she is here, I'm constantly wondering if hes cheating on me with his ex or another person at work. I've lost a lot of feelings towards him... I feel very disconnected and unhappy. I'm young and haven't worked due to back to back high risk pregnancies and his request for me NOT to work (daycare costs, stress levels, etc) and I'm scared to be out on my own with 2 young children and no fami ly anywhere near to help. I don't know if it's worth working on anymore... I just need help.

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