| Hello, everyone. First time poster, here. Honestly, I feel a little awkward spilling my guts on a forum like this, but I find myself in need of impartial feedback on my current situation, and frankly would enjoy venting some of my problems. My wife and I have been together for about ten years. Like any relationship, we had our ups and downs, but we powered through and were stronger for it. That is, up until a couple of years ago. To give a frame of reference, my wife has always been a bit of a self-serving personality. By that, I mean she was never the type to go out of her way to do things for me or to inquire about me. This never really bothered me overly much because I've always enjoyed being the giver of the relationship, and have found happiness from it, so we were a pretty good team. It wasn't until she started hanging out with some new friends about two years ago that some of her more self-serving tendencies began hurting our relationship. It started with alcohol. She's always been an all-or-nothing kind of drinker, but she didn't drink often enough that her binges were much of an obstacle in our relationship. That changed when she started hanging out with this new group. They are all single, I'm sure with good reason, and live your typical young, single existence. It's a mix of both guys and girls, and I feel both have been a bad influence for her. One of the girls has become her best friend and has a pretty awful and abusive outlook on men in general, while the guys are overly familiar with her, and I have no doubt would sleep with her if given the opportunity. She enjoys that kind of attention, and she knows it hurts me deeply. Getting back on track, a couple of years ago, while she was in one of her more alcoholic swings, she began having inappropriate text and email exchanges with one of these guys. I'm somewhat ashamed to say, I found this out by snooping. She had been talking dirty and sending this guy nude images of herself so that he could masturbate to her. Needless to say, this combined with our already failing relationship drove me to the point that I was ready to call it quits. I confronted her in a rage, and was ready to storm out and never look back, but she started making promises. She promised she would quit drinking outside of special occasions with me. She promised she would cut all ties with the guy she had been texting. She promised she would stop hanging out with other men unless it was a group setting. She promised she would reinvest herself in our relationship, and spend more time with me. I believed her and stayed. She kept her promises for about two weeks. Flash forward, things were better for a while, but have been slowly but surely declining over the last two years. I've realized recently that much of what I thought were things actually being better, was her just getting better at lying to me. Her alcoholism has once again gotten to a point where it's impossible for her to hide it from me, and I feel like I'm just waiting around for the other shoe to drop. We recently had a deep heart-felt conversation about the whole thing in which she, once again, made a bunch of promises to me in regards to alcohol. She went out and got drunk that very night. I spend most of the time hating myself for not being stronger. I look her in the eyes while she lies to me over and over again and know it for what it is, but there is always this glimmer in the back of my mind that says "maybe this time she really means it". Of course, that's never the case. She refuses to admit she has a problem, and therefore refuses to get help. She still spends a lot of time with single men in a manner that she knows makes me doubt myself. She goes on ski trips all the time where she stays in the same hotel room with these guys, and has even reverted back to spending one-on-one time with some of them. She seems incapable of understanding how this makes me feel, and only acts sympathetic to my feelings on the matter when she knows I'm about to lose it. She has become so good at manipulating me, I don't even know how to talk to her about such things anymore. Wow, didn't mean to write a novel. I could go on, but I should wrap it up. If you've made it this far, thanks for your time. I guess I'm just looking for some impartial feedback to let me know that I'm not being crazy. I don't want to be one of those overly-jealous types that stamps out all happiness in their attempts to control everything, but at the same time I am terribly unhappy, and my wife doesn't seem to care as long as I'm not on her back about it. She wants to be married when she's with me, and single when she's not, and I simply can't go on like this anymore. I feel I've put in more time than most would trying to fix this, but she holds all the cards, and I'm thinking of getting out. Thoughts? | |||
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