| I am a new member and posted my story on another thread, but I didn't want to hijack it for this question. Here is my story if you are interested in the long version: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/1608660-post122.html But, in short, I've been the LD spouse for about ten years (of a 20 year relationship) and thanks for this forum I've very suddenly found my old HD libido. Last week I found this website, spent a few hours reading and crying, then felt like a switch had been flipped. I used to feel like this all the time about my husband before we had kids and a house and stressful jobs and "grown up lives" and I have missed it so, so much. But it's been a long ten years and very, very hard on my husband, I now comprehend. More hurtful and lonely and isolating and sad than I could imagine. I want to make up for it, I want to have sexual intimacy, I want to be an equal and willing partner for my husband each and every time. And I want him to know how sorry I am for not "getting it" the many, many times he tried to tell me. I've made a start (and it's required no effort, I really, really WANT him). I've initiated sex a lot in the past week (he's not been willing every time), and I've found myself seeking him out for hugs and kisses and cuddling and conversation more than I have in ages. I've tried to explain to him what caused this sudden change from LD back to my old HD, but it was after sex, we were drowsy, and we've not spoken about it again. He's been sweet and mostly receptive, but I also get the sense that he's reserving judgment, holding back, waiting for this to pass. I don't think he believes me and of course I don't blame him one bit. Truth be told, I've terrified that this feeling with go away again--I keep coming back to these forums to read and be reminded. If you were in my husband's position, what would you think? I know for a fact that he has had a terrible time coping with our infrequent sex and now that I think back on it, I can see that so many behaviors that I chalked up to him being a jerk, or being stressed out, or being just unhappy with his life and refusing to do anything about it were all directly related to my refusal to address his emotional needs. I never, never dreamed that it was my disinterest in sex and rejection of sustained sexual intimacy that was basically ruining his hopes for a happy and fulfilling life. How should I proceed? Do I just keep waking the walk? Should I sit him down and explain all this at length, offer my profuse apologies, and try to own all the blame--or should I just let my actions continue to speak? He must be so utterly confused. I'm utterly confused. And I'm scared that after all these years he's to resentful and angry and unhappy to let me back in and trust me again. | |||
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