Ok, so I am one of the unfortunate people in the world who don't quite have friends or family members to talk to about marriage so I was really hoping the community here could just give me some light, their opinion, advice ANYTHING! I am having an issue in my marriage and I am at a fork in the road and I don't know if i should go left or right. (This may be a long post):wink2:
Background is I started dating my wife when we were about 14 years old. I am now 27, and she is 26. We have been married going on 9 years now and I believe we are at a really rough patch in our marriage. I am miserably unhappy, and I don't quite know where my wife stands because the way she communicate is kind of weird but I am really contemplating divorce/separation.
For me I feel like my wife doesn't show me any attention, affection, support and she doesn't listen to me and my needs nor does she communicate anything to me. My wife doesn't know how to hold a conversation with me anymore. She is really quiet, and always says something along the lines "I don't know what to say" "You talk to me" and i end up just talking her ears off and its a one way convo and I get a yes, no, ok, maybe. She doesn't know how to spark my interest in convo anymore, we don't do anything affectionate. Everything just feels WEIRD and FORCED. I am extremely verbal and try to sit my wife down all the time and say hey hunny this is what I need as a man a husband a father to keep me going on a day to day- communication affection attention a great sex life and someone i can just basically have fun with on a day to day to take my mind off of my career and life struggles. I want to build memories with my wife for years to come.
I just feel as if she doesn't care anymore. Her actions feel so cold, and sometimes her words are as well- but she verbally says she's still in love with me:|. I went through a great lost in my family about 2 years ago and i believe thats where it started. I lost my mom- the only person in my family i speak to. I have always been the guy to have a bunch of "associates" but i don't have any friends no one I'm going to invite over the house for a drink etc so literally once my mom was gone i had no one but her and my son, and i feel ALONE everyday I'm with her. She's selfish. I don't know any of my family i don't keep friends she was the support i needed. She LEFT ME HANGING in a time of mourning. I was spiraling out of control, I attempted to take my own life out of pain. My own wife NEVER stepped in to pick me up.
I do understand that typically i had my mom to lean on etc, and when that wasn't there anymore i depended on her to help me get out of that dark place and she told me things like i was "too needy" now and "i don't remember you being this needy", as in I was supposed to be cool with her going to hang out with her sisters while i cried my eyes out over my lost. Yes i wanted my wife there with me to hold me and tell me it was going to be ok. I wanted my wife to drop everything in the world that could have been paused to say hey i have to take care of my man and make sure he's ok. Even after finding me trying to hang myself over all the pain. But maybe i was too needy.....and to be honest those words..."you're too needy now" made me suicidal..I just felt so alone and abandoned. No mom and my wife didn't want to help a brother out....then who else was i supposed to talk to!...:|
Sex with my wife could be AMAZING. But she never initiates, barely wants to try anything new. I tell my wife a million things that would make me happy sexually as i am really into sex and so WAS she, part of the reason i married her lol. Now she saying oh I'm just not into sex as much as you blah blah blah. Sometimes i feel like she's a kid i have to beg her to be a woman to me I want to feel empowered and overwhelmed by my wife and that never happens. My wife still sucks her thumb like a little kid so she would just be laying in the bed or sitting on the couch sucking her thumb and Ive talked to her about it on many occasions how much of a turn off that is. She's almost 30 and sucks her thumb- how does that make me feel like I'm with that WOMAN i dreamed of marrying all of my life. She doesn't go the extra mile for me. The last thing my wife done for me was on my 21st birthday. 6 years ago? Ive tried everything to get her back. Flowers, dates, gifts, counseling etc. she just doesn't get it.
She wants to do things her way when she wants and how she wants. Shoot so do i, but not when it comes to her. I listen to my wife I'm attentive I'm affectionate I'm spontaneous supportive etc, i know its my job to listen to her needs and deliver them for her the way that makes her happy because that what she needs and i feel like her job is the same. Find out what your husband needs and figure out how to make sure you give it to him in the way he'd like it. I know sometimes its a compromise, but I'm not getting nothing! Ill ASK for something and she does it half ass and i complain about it and she flips. How can you tell me what was pleasurable to me? lol. To be honest Ive stopped doing so much just because i feel like i put out and she doesn't so why break my neck for someone who's not doing the same?
I talk to my wife all the time when I'm unhappy and then she never LISTENS she fires back with her list of complaints that are literally not valid. she just gets so defensive when i say I'm unhappy but she never does anything to change it. I don't want to cheat but man i feel trapped. I LOVE THIS WOMAN. I cry myself to sleep many nights deprived of sex deprived of feeling that intense love from my wife i used to. She's become just a body. We don't have fun anymore don't feel like were connected or that she even wants to be here and Ive asked her if she did and gave her the opportunity to leave if she wanted to but she chose to stay but never chooses to try to be a wife for me. Its made me a really insecure guy. I am very humble so don't take this the wrong way, but i am a very attractive guy and i am turning advances down left and right and still the 1 woman i want the attention from i can't get it so it makes me soo insecure.
I just want a WOMAN. Someone who stimulates my mind someone who i feel like will drop everything for me i want to feel like someones number 1 priority. I want a woman who doesn't go all day without speaking to me because I'm always on her mind. A woman who's touchy spontaneous sexual fun experimental talkative and a communicator. I want my wife to say hey you're not doing this or i need you to do this more. I live to please i want to do everything you ask i have no boundaries for my partner i will do whatever it takes to please and make her happy. In this case I always ask and she goes no everything fine.When its not! Or maybe she just needs someone boring like herself. My wife literally is more into strangers. She cannot stay off her phone being on instagram and Facebook scrolling through timelines of peoples fake lives. People she doesn't even know when she has a man who's been screaming for her attention for years and she still hasn't given the effort. If i don't speak to my wife in the house, she won't even ask me whats wrong or why I'm so quiet she will just not speak either. If i don't text or call my wife- she doesn't text or call to find out how my day is. if i don't try to have sex with my wife- it'll never happen. Im tired of feeling like i control and dictate every portion of this marriage.
There have been so many thoughts. Am i missing out on my dream woman? Should we divorce? Should i stop trying and let this burn out on its own? Like again, i still am crazily IN LOVE WITH THIS WOMAN. I would die seeing her ever being with someone else, but if its just not it then i have to walk away. Or am i being unreasonable and too needy?
Background is I started dating my wife when we were about 14 years old. I am now 27, and she is 26. We have been married going on 9 years now and I believe we are at a really rough patch in our marriage. I am miserably unhappy, and I don't quite know where my wife stands because the way she communicate is kind of weird but I am really contemplating divorce/separation.
For me I feel like my wife doesn't show me any attention, affection, support and she doesn't listen to me and my needs nor does she communicate anything to me. My wife doesn't know how to hold a conversation with me anymore. She is really quiet, and always says something along the lines "I don't know what to say" "You talk to me" and i end up just talking her ears off and its a one way convo and I get a yes, no, ok, maybe. She doesn't know how to spark my interest in convo anymore, we don't do anything affectionate. Everything just feels WEIRD and FORCED. I am extremely verbal and try to sit my wife down all the time and say hey hunny this is what I need as a man a husband a father to keep me going on a day to day- communication affection attention a great sex life and someone i can just basically have fun with on a day to day to take my mind off of my career and life struggles. I want to build memories with my wife for years to come.
I just feel as if she doesn't care anymore. Her actions feel so cold, and sometimes her words are as well- but she verbally says she's still in love with me:|. I went through a great lost in my family about 2 years ago and i believe thats where it started. I lost my mom- the only person in my family i speak to. I have always been the guy to have a bunch of "associates" but i don't have any friends no one I'm going to invite over the house for a drink etc so literally once my mom was gone i had no one but her and my son, and i feel ALONE everyday I'm with her. She's selfish. I don't know any of my family i don't keep friends she was the support i needed. She LEFT ME HANGING in a time of mourning. I was spiraling out of control, I attempted to take my own life out of pain. My own wife NEVER stepped in to pick me up.
I do understand that typically i had my mom to lean on etc, and when that wasn't there anymore i depended on her to help me get out of that dark place and she told me things like i was "too needy" now and "i don't remember you being this needy", as in I was supposed to be cool with her going to hang out with her sisters while i cried my eyes out over my lost. Yes i wanted my wife there with me to hold me and tell me it was going to be ok. I wanted my wife to drop everything in the world that could have been paused to say hey i have to take care of my man and make sure he's ok. Even after finding me trying to hang myself over all the pain. But maybe i was too needy.....and to be honest those words..."you're too needy now" made me suicidal..I just felt so alone and abandoned. No mom and my wife didn't want to help a brother out....then who else was i supposed to talk to!...:|
Sex with my wife could be AMAZING. But she never initiates, barely wants to try anything new. I tell my wife a million things that would make me happy sexually as i am really into sex and so WAS she, part of the reason i married her lol. Now she saying oh I'm just not into sex as much as you blah blah blah. Sometimes i feel like she's a kid i have to beg her to be a woman to me I want to feel empowered and overwhelmed by my wife and that never happens. My wife still sucks her thumb like a little kid so she would just be laying in the bed or sitting on the couch sucking her thumb and Ive talked to her about it on many occasions how much of a turn off that is. She's almost 30 and sucks her thumb- how does that make me feel like I'm with that WOMAN i dreamed of marrying all of my life. She doesn't go the extra mile for me. The last thing my wife done for me was on my 21st birthday. 6 years ago? Ive tried everything to get her back. Flowers, dates, gifts, counseling etc. she just doesn't get it.
She wants to do things her way when she wants and how she wants. Shoot so do i, but not when it comes to her. I listen to my wife I'm attentive I'm affectionate I'm spontaneous supportive etc, i know its my job to listen to her needs and deliver them for her the way that makes her happy because that what she needs and i feel like her job is the same. Find out what your husband needs and figure out how to make sure you give it to him in the way he'd like it. I know sometimes its a compromise, but I'm not getting nothing! Ill ASK for something and she does it half ass and i complain about it and she flips. How can you tell me what was pleasurable to me? lol. To be honest Ive stopped doing so much just because i feel like i put out and she doesn't so why break my neck for someone who's not doing the same?
I talk to my wife all the time when I'm unhappy and then she never LISTENS she fires back with her list of complaints that are literally not valid. she just gets so defensive when i say I'm unhappy but she never does anything to change it. I don't want to cheat but man i feel trapped. I LOVE THIS WOMAN. I cry myself to sleep many nights deprived of sex deprived of feeling that intense love from my wife i used to. She's become just a body. We don't have fun anymore don't feel like were connected or that she even wants to be here and Ive asked her if she did and gave her the opportunity to leave if she wanted to but she chose to stay but never chooses to try to be a wife for me. Its made me a really insecure guy. I am very humble so don't take this the wrong way, but i am a very attractive guy and i am turning advances down left and right and still the 1 woman i want the attention from i can't get it so it makes me soo insecure.
I just want a WOMAN. Someone who stimulates my mind someone who i feel like will drop everything for me i want to feel like someones number 1 priority. I want a woman who doesn't go all day without speaking to me because I'm always on her mind. A woman who's touchy spontaneous sexual fun experimental talkative and a communicator. I want my wife to say hey you're not doing this or i need you to do this more. I live to please i want to do everything you ask i have no boundaries for my partner i will do whatever it takes to please and make her happy. In this case I always ask and she goes no everything fine.When its not! Or maybe she just needs someone boring like herself. My wife literally is more into strangers. She cannot stay off her phone being on instagram and Facebook scrolling through timelines of peoples fake lives. People she doesn't even know when she has a man who's been screaming for her attention for years and she still hasn't given the effort. If i don't speak to my wife in the house, she won't even ask me whats wrong or why I'm so quiet she will just not speak either. If i don't text or call my wife- she doesn't text or call to find out how my day is. if i don't try to have sex with my wife- it'll never happen. Im tired of feeling like i control and dictate every portion of this marriage.
There have been so many thoughts. Am i missing out on my dream woman? Should we divorce? Should i stop trying and let this burn out on its own? Like again, i still am crazily IN LOVE WITH THIS WOMAN. I would die seeing her ever being with someone else, but if its just not it then i have to walk away. Or am i being unreasonable and too needy?
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