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My husband left me

Things have been rocky in our relationship for a long time. Constant arguing about anything and everything. This isn't the first time he has left. This is the 5th time he has left me. We end up getting back together to just go through the same things. The last time he left, which was end of May this year, I asked him to leave because I found out he was pursuing women online. I let him come back and we agreed to try marriage counseling. We were only able to attend one session so far. We set up a treatment plan to help with anger and to get back that closeness we once had.

Every time he leaves, he tells other, especially other women he hasn't been happy in a long time. He is miserable and depressed, talks about how mean I am, and name calls. This really hurts for him to say these things. He does it every time and I don't understand why he has to say such mean things. I am not perfect in any way. I have my flaws and I am trying to work on fixing them. I have individual counseling set up for myself.

Every time he leaves, he goes back to pursing women online. I wouldn't doubt he is doing it now too. It's very hurtful. All that ever runs through my mind is, "why am i not good enough?", "how can he sit there and pretend to be happy and say he loves me?", "why does he tell me he'll never leave?" I have a million and one things that go through my head that I can't function for a minute.

One of the biggest issues in our marriage has always been his mom. She and I never got along. Our relationship is much better now but she's still a big issue. She can/does encourage him to do things, or gets things in his mind of what he should do, etc.

I just don't know what else to do. I love this man with all my heart. He's my first love and first marriage. We have been married almost 10 years. It hasn't always been easy but we have made it through. I do want him back. I want our marriage to work. It's so hard because he won't speak to me right now.

Thank you all for listening.

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