I've been with my husband for 8 years, married for 3. We're fairly young ourselves, both 25, but we have 2 young boys. I've been in this horrible cycle with my husband for what seems like our entire married life. He doesn't put in effort into any aspect of our life together. He doesn't really help with the children, he doesn't do any of the household chores, I have to deal with all the finances/budgeting, he doesn't put effort into our sexual life other then "quickies" and his desires, and he doesnt put effort into "us" connecting as a couple. I get so frustrated with him and end up sitting down with him and telling him the simple (?) things that I need. He'd do better for a little while and then but then would slip and we'd start the cycle over.
Some background:
I started really getting fed up and considering divorce last year when our son was born. I had to have an emergency c-section and then stay in the hospital for 4 days with the baby. While I was in the hospital I asked for just 2 things: make sure the baby's crib was cleared and ready (we were storing a few things in it) and that we had clean sheets on our bed. That's it. When I got home the house was a mess from the 4 days I was away, the crib was partially cleared, and our bed had no sheets at all. So, still recovering from the surgery, I did everything including cleaning the house.Around the same time I learned that he had spent the money we'd gotten as a gift for the baby on video games (we had it set aside for a rocker so I could nurse by the crib) I blew up at him then and was admittedly angry at him (and showing it) for the first month or two of my child's life.
Then I found a facebook message he had sent a friend saying that I was so mad at him and he thought I was going to leave him because of the money thing. His friend said "Dude return the games." My husband replied "I got a plan if she leaves Im going to get back with [his ex]." *typing this is making me so angry* I saw it and decided to leave. I told him I saw it, that I was leaving, and started planning.
Ugh, re-reading this I dont even know why I'm still asking this question. Anyway, there were things I couldnt work around and had to live with him for 3 months following that conversation. During that time he started putting in effort again, while I basically pretended he didnt exist. He kept telling me he only said that because he was scared and didnt know what to do. We ended up having a big giant talk in which I told him specifically what i needed from him, what was and was not okay, and made him promise to go to marriage counseling with me. He agreed and I agreed to put the issue behind us and give it one last go.
Now its over a year later from when the big issue started and I feel like nothing has changed. He kept putting off marriage counseling and eventually I gave up on that. He still does not help with anything. He still puts no effort into us. I feel like we have nothing to talk about (and he's always on his phone looking at memes anyway) so I keep suggesting things we can do together- get fit, play games, learn something new, whatever that we can at least chat about, but no.
Im at my wits end. I feel like Im raising a teenager instead of having a partner and husband. I feel like Im the only one trying. He says he loves me. He says he wants to try. Hes always talking about what he will do but when the time comes for action, nothing. We had the "please put in effort" conversation LAST WEEK. The day before Mother's Day he asked what I wanted. I said maybe breakfast in bed or to sleep in and for him to handle the kids arguments. That morning I had to get up with the kids, make them breakfast, ect. He came downstairs 2 hours later, at which point I went upstairs shut and locked the door and tried to not think about murder.
Its time to give up right?
Some background:
I started really getting fed up and considering divorce last year when our son was born. I had to have an emergency c-section and then stay in the hospital for 4 days with the baby. While I was in the hospital I asked for just 2 things: make sure the baby's crib was cleared and ready (we were storing a few things in it) and that we had clean sheets on our bed. That's it. When I got home the house was a mess from the 4 days I was away, the crib was partially cleared, and our bed had no sheets at all. So, still recovering from the surgery, I did everything including cleaning the house.Around the same time I learned that he had spent the money we'd gotten as a gift for the baby on video games (we had it set aside for a rocker so I could nurse by the crib) I blew up at him then and was admittedly angry at him (and showing it) for the first month or two of my child's life.
Then I found a facebook message he had sent a friend saying that I was so mad at him and he thought I was going to leave him because of the money thing. His friend said "Dude return the games." My husband replied "I got a plan if she leaves Im going to get back with [his ex]." *typing this is making me so angry* I saw it and decided to leave. I told him I saw it, that I was leaving, and started planning.
Ugh, re-reading this I dont even know why I'm still asking this question. Anyway, there were things I couldnt work around and had to live with him for 3 months following that conversation. During that time he started putting in effort again, while I basically pretended he didnt exist. He kept telling me he only said that because he was scared and didnt know what to do. We ended up having a big giant talk in which I told him specifically what i needed from him, what was and was not okay, and made him promise to go to marriage counseling with me. He agreed and I agreed to put the issue behind us and give it one last go.
Now its over a year later from when the big issue started and I feel like nothing has changed. He kept putting off marriage counseling and eventually I gave up on that. He still does not help with anything. He still puts no effort into us. I feel like we have nothing to talk about (and he's always on his phone looking at memes anyway) so I keep suggesting things we can do together- get fit, play games, learn something new, whatever that we can at least chat about, but no.
Im at my wits end. I feel like Im raising a teenager instead of having a partner and husband. I feel like Im the only one trying. He says he loves me. He says he wants to try. Hes always talking about what he will do but when the time comes for action, nothing. We had the "please put in effort" conversation LAST WEEK. The day before Mother's Day he asked what I wanted. I said maybe breakfast in bed or to sleep in and for him to handle the kids arguments. That morning I had to get up with the kids, make them breakfast, ect. He came downstairs 2 hours later, at which point I went upstairs shut and locked the door and tried to not think about murder.
Its time to give up right?
Put the internet to work for you.
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