Hi All, I apologize for the winded post!
Last summer my wife broke the news to me she would like a separation. I was devastated, we have two small children who I cant bear the thought of not seeing them daily. After a week or so, I told her I would do what she needed so that we could separate 'peacefully'. Then she stood up crying and said she didn't want to do it, and wanted to keep trying. A weight lifted of my shoulders.
About 2 months later she received a promotion which would move her out of state. I have the ability to work from home so I reluctantly said go for it. She really wanted to take this opportunity for her career. I wanted to support it. We moved from MN to IA, not a huge change but enough when I'm very close to my family and see them a lot with my kids. We moved last fall.
She would bill this move as a way to really focus on our relationship and US. It sounded great, until we moved and she would spend most weekends driving back home to hang out with friends and when she wasn't driving back she was working weekends, she works retail.
In the end Iowa turned out to be a dud and maximized my loneliness by being a work at home dad, who then always took care of the kids/house duties. She had made friends with co workers so they would usually go out 1-2 a week, grab food and drinks. Or check out the city during the weekend. Meanwhile, I was at home with the kids, because someone has to do it.
A week into 2015, after an argument about money, she tells me that she wants a separation. She changed all her pwd's, FB username, ignored me, etc. I should note her financially irresponsibility and spending habits have been extremely detrimental to our family since we married in 2008.
This time around I'm still pretty hurt, but no where near the first time. She wants to be cordial and co parent for the kids. OK fine. I dot hate her, nor do I think there is a cheating element to this. About a month after she sprung this on me I was telling her I found a Studio apt that I could afford while still helping with household bills and she asked me not to move, but she still wanted the separation. (She is open to reconcile organically).
We both live in our home still its been over 5 months. We both are making arrangements for our own housing back home in MN, as we will be moving back in June/July. Yet we still sleep in the same bed, and sometimes have sex. At times, she'll want to hug me or cuddle in bed and hold my hand. I took it overboard right when this started happening a month after she told me she wanted out. Which pushed her away. Then I pulled way back and she started reaching out to me for affection.
We live in this crazy middle ground. Neither of us are looking outside the marriage for partners during this. And most of the time I want to reconcile. However what this has done is opened my eyes to her flaws that need to be worked on rather then me believing the onus was all on my to improve or be a better husband.
I have a list of items of compiled mentally and plan to speak with her about as they affect my happiness. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but just needed to get my thoughts out. Sometimes, I just think it would be easier without her and dealing with seeing my kids 50/50. We still can make each other happy, I've seen it will having to live with her until we can get back to MN. But we can also still get into it and she has a serious issue with holding onto little arguments.
Do you all think once we get our separate apartments its over? I've read that reconciliation is basically dead if your not living together and able to work on the marriage daily.
Thanks All!
Last summer my wife broke the news to me she would like a separation. I was devastated, we have two small children who I cant bear the thought of not seeing them daily. After a week or so, I told her I would do what she needed so that we could separate 'peacefully'. Then she stood up crying and said she didn't want to do it, and wanted to keep trying. A weight lifted of my shoulders.
About 2 months later she received a promotion which would move her out of state. I have the ability to work from home so I reluctantly said go for it. She really wanted to take this opportunity for her career. I wanted to support it. We moved from MN to IA, not a huge change but enough when I'm very close to my family and see them a lot with my kids. We moved last fall.
She would bill this move as a way to really focus on our relationship and US. It sounded great, until we moved and she would spend most weekends driving back home to hang out with friends and when she wasn't driving back she was working weekends, she works retail.
In the end Iowa turned out to be a dud and maximized my loneliness by being a work at home dad, who then always took care of the kids/house duties. She had made friends with co workers so they would usually go out 1-2 a week, grab food and drinks. Or check out the city during the weekend. Meanwhile, I was at home with the kids, because someone has to do it.
A week into 2015, after an argument about money, she tells me that she wants a separation. She changed all her pwd's, FB username, ignored me, etc. I should note her financially irresponsibility and spending habits have been extremely detrimental to our family since we married in 2008.
This time around I'm still pretty hurt, but no where near the first time. She wants to be cordial and co parent for the kids. OK fine. I dot hate her, nor do I think there is a cheating element to this. About a month after she sprung this on me I was telling her I found a Studio apt that I could afford while still helping with household bills and she asked me not to move, but she still wanted the separation. (She is open to reconcile organically).
We both live in our home still its been over 5 months. We both are making arrangements for our own housing back home in MN, as we will be moving back in June/July. Yet we still sleep in the same bed, and sometimes have sex. At times, she'll want to hug me or cuddle in bed and hold my hand. I took it overboard right when this started happening a month after she told me she wanted out. Which pushed her away. Then I pulled way back and she started reaching out to me for affection.
We live in this crazy middle ground. Neither of us are looking outside the marriage for partners during this. And most of the time I want to reconcile. However what this has done is opened my eyes to her flaws that need to be worked on rather then me believing the onus was all on my to improve or be a better husband.
I have a list of items of compiled mentally and plan to speak with her about as they affect my happiness. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but just needed to get my thoughts out. Sometimes, I just think it would be easier without her and dealing with seeing my kids 50/50. We still can make each other happy, I've seen it will having to live with her until we can get back to MN. But we can also still get into it and she has a serious issue with holding onto little arguments.
Do you all think once we get our separate apartments its over? I've read that reconciliation is basically dead if your not living together and able to work on the marriage daily.
Thanks All!
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