This weekend my wife made an obesity joke after hearing a health/obesity commercial on the radio, saying in jest that we were an obese family. It was super awkward. She had just confided in me her current weight and how unhappy she was. Out of curiosity I looked up her BMI and found that my wife was obese. I did not tell her, however, a restaurant hostess asked if she was pregnant that same day and she went home and cried really hard about it.
I was feeling for her and I instinctively felt a deep need to make her feel good about herself, so we ended up having sex. We both are naturally HD but truth is that I am less attracted to her than when I proposed 3 years ago and she was quite fit. We went for a walk and talked about how she felt. She has constantly complained about her weight, but this was a more in depth conversation. She said it felt unfair that her friend would obsess over weight and could still be fit while she (wife) gave the issue to God but had gained weight. She likened it to being "punished" and kept saying it was unfair.
In some ways I feel like my situation is the one that is unfair. I can eat a burger or ice cream because I go running and or lift weights every day, but I do not eat these things around my wife unless it's her idea to begin with, because I don't want to be a bad example and I want to be able to do everything that she would have to go through to be healthy. Our current weight loss plan is for me to work out with her over lunch. If I'm not there she won't work out, so I feel like everything is on me. She confessed to me that she used to go to the gym to be seen and to show off and now that we are married there's no real reason to do that and so she doesn't know how to lose weight unless she obsesses over it. This hurt me because the only person who I care at all to impress and try to turn on is my wife. For a while she had this theory that God wouldn't let her lose weight because she would be too vain due to all of the attention. I thought that was pretty crazy and told her so. We are both in our mid 20s and haven't even had kids yet - children being something we are both looking forward to and I feel like this situation would complicate having and how we want to raise our kids.
After Saturday's run in with the hostess she agreed to my help on healthy eating. I wasn't going to micromanage her diet but I gave her some tips on things I thought she should avoid. The next morning at church she had a plate full of donuts and chex mix. I didn't know what I should do, so I just asked if she would share some with me to split the load, and she wouldn't give me any, so I let it slide rather than cause a scene. Later in the car she said that she feels like she can eat anything so long as it's at breakfast and she doesn't eat after 6 at night. She also believes that processed sugar doesn't cause her to gain weight but fruit does even though there are countless articles about added sugar and weight, because she was skinny for years based off of just having a mocha a day and not much else.
I'm just really tired of this and don't know what to do. It is difficult to know when when to help and when to just listen. Sometimes my advice is greatly appreciated and at other times it makes her upset. I'm eating healthier than ever now because I want to be the example and hope that that will inspire a change. I'm really tired though and am upset.
Both of my grandparents died of heart attacks, my mother in law had a heart attack, and multiple people in our families have diabetes. My cousin lost her foot and our worship pastor went blind from diabetes. She eats lots of GNC health food and cool protein bar type things but that can never counteract all the processed sugar. I don't know if she doesn't get that or what I should or can even do. Feeling helpless while watching this go on is the worst part.
I was feeling for her and I instinctively felt a deep need to make her feel good about herself, so we ended up having sex. We both are naturally HD but truth is that I am less attracted to her than when I proposed 3 years ago and she was quite fit. We went for a walk and talked about how she felt. She has constantly complained about her weight, but this was a more in depth conversation. She said it felt unfair that her friend would obsess over weight and could still be fit while she (wife) gave the issue to God but had gained weight. She likened it to being "punished" and kept saying it was unfair.
In some ways I feel like my situation is the one that is unfair. I can eat a burger or ice cream because I go running and or lift weights every day, but I do not eat these things around my wife unless it's her idea to begin with, because I don't want to be a bad example and I want to be able to do everything that she would have to go through to be healthy. Our current weight loss plan is for me to work out with her over lunch. If I'm not there she won't work out, so I feel like everything is on me. She confessed to me that she used to go to the gym to be seen and to show off and now that we are married there's no real reason to do that and so she doesn't know how to lose weight unless she obsesses over it. This hurt me because the only person who I care at all to impress and try to turn on is my wife. For a while she had this theory that God wouldn't let her lose weight because she would be too vain due to all of the attention. I thought that was pretty crazy and told her so. We are both in our mid 20s and haven't even had kids yet - children being something we are both looking forward to and I feel like this situation would complicate having and how we want to raise our kids.
After Saturday's run in with the hostess she agreed to my help on healthy eating. I wasn't going to micromanage her diet but I gave her some tips on things I thought she should avoid. The next morning at church she had a plate full of donuts and chex mix. I didn't know what I should do, so I just asked if she would share some with me to split the load, and she wouldn't give me any, so I let it slide rather than cause a scene. Later in the car she said that she feels like she can eat anything so long as it's at breakfast and she doesn't eat after 6 at night. She also believes that processed sugar doesn't cause her to gain weight but fruit does even though there are countless articles about added sugar and weight, because she was skinny for years based off of just having a mocha a day and not much else.
I'm just really tired of this and don't know what to do. It is difficult to know when when to help and when to just listen. Sometimes my advice is greatly appreciated and at other times it makes her upset. I'm eating healthier than ever now because I want to be the example and hope that that will inspire a change. I'm really tired though and am upset.
Both of my grandparents died of heart attacks, my mother in law had a heart attack, and multiple people in our families have diabetes. My cousin lost her foot and our worship pastor went blind from diabetes. She eats lots of GNC health food and cool protein bar type things but that can never counteract all the processed sugar. I don't know if she doesn't get that or what I should or can even do. Feeling helpless while watching this go on is the worst part.
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