Title is terrible but I just need to get this out.
Background:
I'm the cheating husband, been married for 4 years and together with my wife for over 10. Have a 3 year old daughter. I started having an online affair near the beginning of the year and was discovered in the 2nd week of April. Just started MC last week.
I've had a history of lying and selective truth telling (I know this and I'm working on being better about it). I've also had some problems with just opening up in general (also being worked on).
------
It's been rough, I'm scared, terrified, and starting to feel combative over the situation. I have by this point told her everything that has happened as I can remember it (I don't have the greatest memory and I'm working with what dates and information my wife was able to acquire from the screenshots). I've purged the OW from my life, given access to my iphone account and all of my online accounts to my wife.
We've been slowly working through our problems (I've been going through "After the Affair"), but its swung back to where she feels like it just won't work and she wants to leave me.
I was a terrible human being and hurt my wife so severely. When she's hurting like this it is tearing me up inside and I KNOW it is only a fraction of what she is experiencing right now. I'll never truly feel what she is feeling unless she were to do the same to me.
I want to make this work. I want to make our marriage better. I know I devastated her with my selfishness and I will regret my actions to my dying day.
As I mentioned earlier, I have had an issue with hiding things from my wife. During the previous weekend she had asked me to give details about the cyber affair (what programs, how many videos, what did I see, etc). I had actually forgotten a specific detail (what have I seen in videos with the other woman) when I told her about everything 2 weeks ago, and when she asked over the weekend I just went ahead and told her the new detail that I had just remembered. Of course, magically remembering a detail sounds like complete BS, even when its the truth.
At this point, she doesn't believe a word I say due to yet another new detail cropping up (I can understand why), but I am telling the truth. I'm being as open as possible and I have nothing to hide. I wish I had been less scared, panicky, etc when first caught and just told her everything from the get go, but I didn't. Even with subsequent chances I still was sub-consciously trying to shield her along with avoid more conflict (probably because we were starting to get better and I was scared of it getting worse).
I get that she has no reason to believe me, or trust me. But I have nothing to hide. I want to break down and cry in frustration due to not being able to help the woman that I love. Then again I shouldn't have cheated in the first place.
Is there anything else I can do when she wants nothing to do with me? I feel like giving her space is just making things WORSE, but when I push she just gets more upset.
At this point I don't even know what else to say.
---
I Love You A., I'll never stop loving you, you are beautiful and the greatest woman in the world to me. I'll never stop trying to be a better man to be the kind of person you can trust and love again. A loving husband, a great father to our children, and enjoy every moment together until the end of days.
Background:
I'm the cheating husband, been married for 4 years and together with my wife for over 10. Have a 3 year old daughter. I started having an online affair near the beginning of the year and was discovered in the 2nd week of April. Just started MC last week.
I've had a history of lying and selective truth telling (I know this and I'm working on being better about it). I've also had some problems with just opening up in general (also being worked on).
------
It's been rough, I'm scared, terrified, and starting to feel combative over the situation. I have by this point told her everything that has happened as I can remember it (I don't have the greatest memory and I'm working with what dates and information my wife was able to acquire from the screenshots). I've purged the OW from my life, given access to my iphone account and all of my online accounts to my wife.
We've been slowly working through our problems (I've been going through "After the Affair"), but its swung back to where she feels like it just won't work and she wants to leave me.
I was a terrible human being and hurt my wife so severely. When she's hurting like this it is tearing me up inside and I KNOW it is only a fraction of what she is experiencing right now. I'll never truly feel what she is feeling unless she were to do the same to me.
I want to make this work. I want to make our marriage better. I know I devastated her with my selfishness and I will regret my actions to my dying day.
As I mentioned earlier, I have had an issue with hiding things from my wife. During the previous weekend she had asked me to give details about the cyber affair (what programs, how many videos, what did I see, etc). I had actually forgotten a specific detail (what have I seen in videos with the other woman) when I told her about everything 2 weeks ago, and when she asked over the weekend I just went ahead and told her the new detail that I had just remembered. Of course, magically remembering a detail sounds like complete BS, even when its the truth.
At this point, she doesn't believe a word I say due to yet another new detail cropping up (I can understand why), but I am telling the truth. I'm being as open as possible and I have nothing to hide. I wish I had been less scared, panicky, etc when first caught and just told her everything from the get go, but I didn't. Even with subsequent chances I still was sub-consciously trying to shield her along with avoid more conflict (probably because we were starting to get better and I was scared of it getting worse).
I get that she has no reason to believe me, or trust me. But I have nothing to hide. I want to break down and cry in frustration due to not being able to help the woman that I love. Then again I shouldn't have cheated in the first place.
Is there anything else I can do when she wants nothing to do with me? I feel like giving her space is just making things WORSE, but when I push she just gets more upset.
At this point I don't even know what else to say.
---
I Love You A., I'll never stop loving you, you are beautiful and the greatest woman in the world to me. I'll never stop trying to be a better man to be the kind of person you can trust and love again. A loving husband, a great father to our children, and enjoy every moment together until the end of days.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment