:confused:
I am so confused and fed up. My husband and I were talking at the weekend. We never dealt with his cheating many years ago, I was lost, had just given birth to my second kid and wanted the marriage to survive so I also rug swept. Now because of recent developments (I think he might have been unfaithful a few years ago as things were pretty bad between us – no proof and just denials, my gut tells me otherwise) we have been trying to work on us so I am trying to get closure on the cheating from many years ago.
He doesn't want to go there so I was really angry. He said my way of dealing with things is confrontation, because of his upbringing it is to leave things and just let it be and go on as if nothing is wrong, WTF. That has always been the way in his family too, even in major crisis, keep a stiff upper lip and move on, don't discuss or anything. They are Asian.
I am now thinking that it is not worthwhile trying to work on anything. Now I know that digging up stuff is not good but if it is going to help me deal with how little I trust him then it has to be dealt with. It's as if he has withdrawn all of a sudden. I know that could be due to no sex for 2 weeks (I have a bad UTI) and sex is the furthest thing from my mind. He also said based on how I have been acting, he is not too sure whether I will be around or not in the future. I have threatened to leave after my second child moves to college. He says he wants to be a better man, but I hear lots of talk, little action.
So it looks like when I show any sign of exerting independence and a search for transparency and honesty I get this BS. I hate him right now. If a man genuinely loved his wife and gave a s*** about making things right then he would open up. That's how I feel. I am beginning to think that my marriage is dead and unless I just accept everything and move on or out of the marriage nothing will change. My IC says communication has broken down completely and I guess that is the problem, he has never been good at being open. She has suggested some MCs but to be honest right now I think it will be a waste of time just going around in circles. I have read the book His Needs/Her Needs (he has not and will not). We also discussed the fact that he is a taker and I am a giver, but frankly I am really fed up giving. if I was financially independent I think I would just leave, it would be easier. Bear with me I am venting!
I am so confused and fed up. My husband and I were talking at the weekend. We never dealt with his cheating many years ago, I was lost, had just given birth to my second kid and wanted the marriage to survive so I also rug swept. Now because of recent developments (I think he might have been unfaithful a few years ago as things were pretty bad between us – no proof and just denials, my gut tells me otherwise) we have been trying to work on us so I am trying to get closure on the cheating from many years ago.
He doesn't want to go there so I was really angry. He said my way of dealing with things is confrontation, because of his upbringing it is to leave things and just let it be and go on as if nothing is wrong, WTF. That has always been the way in his family too, even in major crisis, keep a stiff upper lip and move on, don't discuss or anything. They are Asian.
I am now thinking that it is not worthwhile trying to work on anything. Now I know that digging up stuff is not good but if it is going to help me deal with how little I trust him then it has to be dealt with. It's as if he has withdrawn all of a sudden. I know that could be due to no sex for 2 weeks (I have a bad UTI) and sex is the furthest thing from my mind. He also said based on how I have been acting, he is not too sure whether I will be around or not in the future. I have threatened to leave after my second child moves to college. He says he wants to be a better man, but I hear lots of talk, little action.
So it looks like when I show any sign of exerting independence and a search for transparency and honesty I get this BS. I hate him right now. If a man genuinely loved his wife and gave a s*** about making things right then he would open up. That's how I feel. I am beginning to think that my marriage is dead and unless I just accept everything and move on or out of the marriage nothing will change. My IC says communication has broken down completely and I guess that is the problem, he has never been good at being open. She has suggested some MCs but to be honest right now I think it will be a waste of time just going around in circles. I have read the book His Needs/Her Needs (he has not and will not). We also discussed the fact that he is a taker and I am a giver, but frankly I am really fed up giving. if I was financially independent I think I would just leave, it would be easier. Bear with me I am venting!
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