I am sure this isn't the first incident of someone not getting along well with their mum in law. The only twist is that I am the husband here.
A couple of months ago our mum in law came to stay with us for a few months, I was really excited as this was the first time she'd be staying with us. My wife was also super happy that her mum is visiting. Little did i know that my excitement will soon be punctured and thrown out of the window.
This is her first visit outside India, and we tried our best to move around and show her Europe. Over a period of time I have a feeling that she regards me more as a person who married her daughter than anything else. It angers and saddens me as I have tried a lot.
Most days I work from home and travel once in a few weeks to my customers, this is important as I am at home when she is around. After my wife has left for work, its the two of us at home, i used to believe that this would be a great opportunity to bond. The truth is, she doesn't talk to me for hours....even when i try to make conversation she'd often behave as if she never heard me. :confused:
There are many other subtle incidents too:
1. On two separate occasions she felt it was funny to ask me to purchase jewelry worth 3000 EURs+ for my wife, simply because she knew i can't do that.
2. We bought a house back home, and are letting our in-laws stay in that as their housing situation is not permanent. Honestly i could have bought it anywhere else but this was the main cause. Not once has she said thanks to me, on one conversation on homes in general I had asked her if she liked the place. The mood changed, she went stone faced and said it is ok as if we could have done better. I do not expect a thanks but i would have liked if she had shown some pride in her daughter being able to support her.
3. Last weekend, we went shopping, wife wanted to buy a cross stitch kit for hobby, its a minor thing, and she has been wanting to do it for a while. Suddenly the mum reacted abruptly, 'Nooo...its useless, you won't be able to do it.' I felt bad, later she justified that my wife has no time, but i just felt bad at the way it was delivered. It was a great way to kill motivation.
4. Many many times, i have seen her talk to my wife referring to me in third person right in front of me. For example; Ask him if he wants to eat it, and I am right there, 1 feet away...
5. I also have a feeling that she thinks her other son in law is better (from her other daughter). They have an au pair helping with housework, while we do our stuff ourselves. Maybe he is better than me, i have no hard feelings there.
Frankly, I just do not know how to behave, sometimes i have even reacted harshly too as I just cant handle it. By and large i have chosen to ignore it. I have dropped some signals to wifey, who feels nothing is wrong with her mum and she is like that only (don't we all think our mum's are perfect?).
The thing is, I am clueless how to interpret and form my behavior, and it doesn't make it easier for me as I also have had a parent who has probably never hugged me in all 30 years of my life.
What can i do? I just want to get along.
A couple of months ago our mum in law came to stay with us for a few months, I was really excited as this was the first time she'd be staying with us. My wife was also super happy that her mum is visiting. Little did i know that my excitement will soon be punctured and thrown out of the window.
This is her first visit outside India, and we tried our best to move around and show her Europe. Over a period of time I have a feeling that she regards me more as a person who married her daughter than anything else. It angers and saddens me as I have tried a lot.
Most days I work from home and travel once in a few weeks to my customers, this is important as I am at home when she is around. After my wife has left for work, its the two of us at home, i used to believe that this would be a great opportunity to bond. The truth is, she doesn't talk to me for hours....even when i try to make conversation she'd often behave as if she never heard me. :confused:
There are many other subtle incidents too:
1. On two separate occasions she felt it was funny to ask me to purchase jewelry worth 3000 EURs+ for my wife, simply because she knew i can't do that.
2. We bought a house back home, and are letting our in-laws stay in that as their housing situation is not permanent. Honestly i could have bought it anywhere else but this was the main cause. Not once has she said thanks to me, on one conversation on homes in general I had asked her if she liked the place. The mood changed, she went stone faced and said it is ok as if we could have done better. I do not expect a thanks but i would have liked if she had shown some pride in her daughter being able to support her.
3. Last weekend, we went shopping, wife wanted to buy a cross stitch kit for hobby, its a minor thing, and she has been wanting to do it for a while. Suddenly the mum reacted abruptly, 'Nooo...its useless, you won't be able to do it.' I felt bad, later she justified that my wife has no time, but i just felt bad at the way it was delivered. It was a great way to kill motivation.
4. Many many times, i have seen her talk to my wife referring to me in third person right in front of me. For example; Ask him if he wants to eat it, and I am right there, 1 feet away...
5. I also have a feeling that she thinks her other son in law is better (from her other daughter). They have an au pair helping with housework, while we do our stuff ourselves. Maybe he is better than me, i have no hard feelings there.
Frankly, I just do not know how to behave, sometimes i have even reacted harshly too as I just cant handle it. By and large i have chosen to ignore it. I have dropped some signals to wifey, who feels nothing is wrong with her mum and she is like that only (don't we all think our mum's are perfect?).
The thing is, I am clueless how to interpret and form my behavior, and it doesn't make it easier for me as I also have had a parent who has probably never hugged me in all 30 years of my life.
What can i do? I just want to get along.
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