How t Deal??

This is my first post and like so many others its just not simple. Most of my world revolves around my wife and our family. She literally is my person. But when you and your person are not getting along I don't have the same close friends I once did. And I'm ok with that. For the most part we share a good life. My wife is older than I am 49. I'm 37. We have a 7 yr old girl together. I also have a 14 yr old boy that we have custody of for 7 plus years and she has a 30 yr old girl. From time to time yours and mine has gotten us into plenty of arguments. We have been together a total of 10 yrs married 9. I believe there is a vast difference in our children from other partners and that you can't truly compare our children from previous relationships. Mostly we have outgrown these arguments but still have them. The most recent one involves her daughter coming into our house anytime she wants because she has a key , which i can hardly stand. I have told my wife several times and nothing had been done. Last year she fell on rough times and we had to take her and her children into our home for about 9 months. That is the only reason she has a key to start with. My wife says she was raised different and that she should be free to come and go as she pleases. I was not raised this way and do not do that anywhere including my mothers house were I was rasied. I told her daughter not to do it again and she cryies to her momma. Big Fight ensues... Now she says she wants to make my son move out. i realize shes mad..he's 14 she's 30 see the difference. I don't believe its a big deal to ask her to not just come in. wait till the door is anzwered. Now she cried like a grown baby to her mother and as always my wife defends her like a grizzly. We have had out ups and downs but its coming to a point for me that she should understand and support me. I do when it comes to her and my son and i dont get it returned. I dont want to fight but am tired of being silent. There other issues. I told her if she expects my support then she should give me hers. I would not be totally surprised if this was it. I dont want to divorce. this maybe just another fight but I should feel that she is in it like me and I dont.

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