We were together for 9 years, we have two boys aged 2 and 6. I am 34, she is 39. She has a long history of depression and has low self esteem.
She cheated on me with a 50 year old guy at her work. I caught her sexting this guy about 3 months before she told me she was cheating on me. At the time, I was really hurt and was going to confront the other guy. But I didn't because she pleaded with me not to. SHe promised me it was a mistake and she wouldn't continue. Silly me, i believed her, and low and behold she continued until it became physical.
In the months after the sexting she started to tell me that she no longer loved me the same way. She started talking about trial separation. She even asked me to move out of my own house. I wanted to go to counseling and she agreed to go with me. After our first session the counselor told us that he needed to work with her only as she needed lots of 'work'. She took offence to this right away. She reluctantly went back for another session. It was at this time when i knew there was something really wrong. I had already started to try harder at home, taking care of the kids and extra chores and such but it was all in vain. She had already left me in her mind many months ago and had attached herself to this new guy. I bought her flowers and confronted her so that i could find out what is going on. This was the day after her meeting with the counselor. She told me she wasn't going back to counseling and she was cheating on me. Worst day of my life.
We continued to live together taking custody of the kids day to day. On her day off she would leave the house to go sleep with him. I had to relive all the hurt every two days. This lasted two weeks until I gave her an ultimatum. Stop all access or leave. She chose to stop all access and that lasted 4 days. I confronted her again and she just left. Never came back. 5 days later the other guy dumped her. The other guy is also married (30 years apparently) and has one kid about 17 years old. He went back to his wife. She was really angry and i could tell she was really messed up. She got a lawyer so i also did the same. During this whole mess, i never got angry with her and i remained positive with her at all times. I opened my heart to her and told her i was willing to work on the relationship. She told me that she could never forgive herself for what she did and that i am better off without her. She makes it sound like she did this for me, so that i could find happiness somewhere else. We finalized our separation agreement yesterday. We have joint custody, the kids are confused and hurt as well. She is keen on purchasing her own house and starting over. Through my discussions with her, i realized that she still isnt over this guy. SHe still communicates with him daily, even though he is trying with his wife. She told me she is finding a new job as well. I have been exercising regularly and trying to improve myself. I have been doing the active no contact that i read online. It is really helping me see clearly. She is falling into a depression and is drinking and using drugs when she doesn't have the kids. I have come to terms with the fact that i have to give her child support, and that i am essentially paying for her new house. THis was a difficult pill to swallow.
I never begged or pleaded with her to come back. I realize that if we were to have a new relationship together, she would have to come back willingly and under my terms. At first i really wanted her to come back. But now that it has been over a month since i found out that she was cheating on me i realize more and more that maybe i'm better off without her. I really gained a new perspective on our relationship. I was the one always trying to please her, and she rarely did anything to please me. I was the one putting the effort into the relationship from day 1. I always had to carry her burden on my shoulders...now its like a weight off my back.
I am still holding on to hope that we could try to work on things one more time. This hope is what maintains my hurt unfortunately.
I just wanted to share my story. I have read so many others and find that it helps me understand my own situation more.
Cheers.
She cheated on me with a 50 year old guy at her work. I caught her sexting this guy about 3 months before she told me she was cheating on me. At the time, I was really hurt and was going to confront the other guy. But I didn't because she pleaded with me not to. SHe promised me it was a mistake and she wouldn't continue. Silly me, i believed her, and low and behold she continued until it became physical.
In the months after the sexting she started to tell me that she no longer loved me the same way. She started talking about trial separation. She even asked me to move out of my own house. I wanted to go to counseling and she agreed to go with me. After our first session the counselor told us that he needed to work with her only as she needed lots of 'work'. She took offence to this right away. She reluctantly went back for another session. It was at this time when i knew there was something really wrong. I had already started to try harder at home, taking care of the kids and extra chores and such but it was all in vain. She had already left me in her mind many months ago and had attached herself to this new guy. I bought her flowers and confronted her so that i could find out what is going on. This was the day after her meeting with the counselor. She told me she wasn't going back to counseling and she was cheating on me. Worst day of my life.
We continued to live together taking custody of the kids day to day. On her day off she would leave the house to go sleep with him. I had to relive all the hurt every two days. This lasted two weeks until I gave her an ultimatum. Stop all access or leave. She chose to stop all access and that lasted 4 days. I confronted her again and she just left. Never came back. 5 days later the other guy dumped her. The other guy is also married (30 years apparently) and has one kid about 17 years old. He went back to his wife. She was really angry and i could tell she was really messed up. She got a lawyer so i also did the same. During this whole mess, i never got angry with her and i remained positive with her at all times. I opened my heart to her and told her i was willing to work on the relationship. She told me that she could never forgive herself for what she did and that i am better off without her. She makes it sound like she did this for me, so that i could find happiness somewhere else. We finalized our separation agreement yesterday. We have joint custody, the kids are confused and hurt as well. She is keen on purchasing her own house and starting over. Through my discussions with her, i realized that she still isnt over this guy. SHe still communicates with him daily, even though he is trying with his wife. She told me she is finding a new job as well. I have been exercising regularly and trying to improve myself. I have been doing the active no contact that i read online. It is really helping me see clearly. She is falling into a depression and is drinking and using drugs when she doesn't have the kids. I have come to terms with the fact that i have to give her child support, and that i am essentially paying for her new house. THis was a difficult pill to swallow.
I never begged or pleaded with her to come back. I realize that if we were to have a new relationship together, she would have to come back willingly and under my terms. At first i really wanted her to come back. But now that it has been over a month since i found out that she was cheating on me i realize more and more that maybe i'm better off without her. I really gained a new perspective on our relationship. I was the one always trying to please her, and she rarely did anything to please me. I was the one putting the effort into the relationship from day 1. I always had to carry her burden on my shoulders...now its like a weight off my back.
I am still holding on to hope that we could try to work on things one more time. This hope is what maintains my hurt unfortunately.
I just wanted to share my story. I have read so many others and find that it helps me understand my own situation more.
Cheers.
Put the internet to work for you.
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