It's a long story but it's in my previous threads. Long story short, I got out of an abusive relationship. My son and I nearly lost our lives, but luckily, we are alive and overall doing good.
I re-connected with an old best friend who was in love with me, and I with him, but we had lost touch and re-connected a while ago. Suffice to say, my feelings came rushing back and his feelings came rushing back.
I am not in a relationship with him yet, but we are kind of working towards that.
He got mad at me one night when I was victimizing myself, insulting myself and I was really pissed at myself. He told me to stop but I didn't because I'm stubborn and I was venting about myself for some reason. I ended up saying that being abused and held hostage was my fault and maybe if I had been good enough, my ex wouldn't have abused me.
That lit up a fire with my love interest, and he firmly said " you need to stop because you're hurting yourself. " and I said " what? You can't deal with the aftermath of my abuse? That makes two of us. " and he said " I can deal with it but I don't want to hear you insulting yourself and blaming yourself "
I ended up crying and he just got up and held me and wouldn't stop. I wasn't expecting being hugged and it kind of struck a flashback to when my ex grabbed me from behind only to throw me around and attempt to choke me, so I tried pushing my friend away from me after having the flashback, but he wouldn't let go.
I pushed him off hard and told him to stop and ended up crying more.
He in NO way purposely held me and had NO intention of scaring me. I explained to him that I had a nasty flashback and when he wouldn't let go, it kind of intensified my fear (?) if that's the right word. He said that he didn't know and he apologized, and I told him he had nothing to be apologize for.
So, I guess I have a bit of a case of post traumatic stress disorder. It makes sense because my relationship with my ex was extremely traumatic.
So, how can I deal with it and help myself?
Yes, I did sought out for therapy but I am on a waiting list.
What can I do for now to help myself? How do I deal with the flashbacks? How can I not let it affect my love interest? Especially when he's just attempting to comfort me by hugging me?
Thanks in advance. I truly want to better myself for myself and I also want to have a healthy future relationship with him one day.
I re-connected with an old best friend who was in love with me, and I with him, but we had lost touch and re-connected a while ago. Suffice to say, my feelings came rushing back and his feelings came rushing back.
I am not in a relationship with him yet, but we are kind of working towards that.
He got mad at me one night when I was victimizing myself, insulting myself and I was really pissed at myself. He told me to stop but I didn't because I'm stubborn and I was venting about myself for some reason. I ended up saying that being abused and held hostage was my fault and maybe if I had been good enough, my ex wouldn't have abused me.
That lit up a fire with my love interest, and he firmly said " you need to stop because you're hurting yourself. " and I said " what? You can't deal with the aftermath of my abuse? That makes two of us. " and he said " I can deal with it but I don't want to hear you insulting yourself and blaming yourself "
I ended up crying and he just got up and held me and wouldn't stop. I wasn't expecting being hugged and it kind of struck a flashback to when my ex grabbed me from behind only to throw me around and attempt to choke me, so I tried pushing my friend away from me after having the flashback, but he wouldn't let go.
I pushed him off hard and told him to stop and ended up crying more.
He in NO way purposely held me and had NO intention of scaring me. I explained to him that I had a nasty flashback and when he wouldn't let go, it kind of intensified my fear (?) if that's the right word. He said that he didn't know and he apologized, and I told him he had nothing to be apologize for.
So, I guess I have a bit of a case of post traumatic stress disorder. It makes sense because my relationship with my ex was extremely traumatic.
So, how can I deal with it and help myself?
Yes, I did sought out for therapy but I am on a waiting list.
What can I do for now to help myself? How do I deal with the flashbacks? How can I not let it affect my love interest? Especially when he's just attempting to comfort me by hugging me?
Thanks in advance. I truly want to better myself for myself and I also want to have a healthy future relationship with him one day.
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