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I cheated :/ I really need help and someone to talk to.

My ex fiance left me 5 months ago and moved into his own house after finding out about 7 months ago that I had cheated. It was 6 years ago during our rough patch when we had broke up.

My fiance and I have been together for 10 years not and have an 8 year old son. 6 years ago we were going through alot he started working long hours and would have guy nights and get drunk every friday night and played alot of basketball he never wanted to make time for me he started going to the gym and talking all the stuff got a bad attitude towards me. I have always stayed home with our son I made sure our house was always spotless I cooked dinner and had it ready by the time he was off work. I really put my all but then I started to not want to have sex and anymore because he wasnt giving me any attention only to have sex. Not having sex caused us lots of fights i moved back and forth from our home back to my moms he would text girls and I would find out he picked ones that would hurt my like one that cheated with my ex my best friend jerrys sister whom he brought to our house. he never had sex with them I do believe that I have been the only person he has ever had sex with. during that time I started to loose it I started to be the one going out drinking and making friends and partied alot I hate admit because We did have a young son. After alot one of the times I moved to my moms a guy started chasing I ended up having sex with him 5 times during our break up. My ex and I ended up working out I never told him about the guy. I feel like **** about it I really do. I know there is no excuse for it and I should have been there trying hard talking it more with my ex and being patient for him to calm down and work on things with me. Six years down the road now he has found out the guy tried to add me on facebook and it brought this all up again we were suppose to get married I didnt want to be married with that lie so I ended up telling him but I did lie at first I said I kissed him and then told him it was sex once he moved out and then moved back in with me after a week. We tried to make it work he talked me into trading my car for a corvett e that we would use for our date nights and then after a few weeks it just got a wreck he felt like he needed to make it even I did end up telling him it was more then once cause he was pushing for answers. He started going on dates and texting a girl while living together he felt like he just had to make it even to try to move past it. After a month he ended up moving out again. it was the day before new year. I was a wreck I found out that he make a pof its an online dating and was going on dates but also to the places we would go to. He ended up having sex with one of the girls and I had to see him with hickeys. This made him even worse like he was so devasted by it and cant understand how I did it to him and how I even did it to him only once that I was his only and that meant something to him. We have literally argued every day for months now just me with questions like whats going on and stuff he stopped talking to girls for a few months. We talked about working thin gs out we did eater together we have sex once a while he tells me that I am it for him I have always been he would have married me in a heart beat he told me that all the time. Last weekend we were talking about working out he started tellong me we were going camping coming up I should invite my sister and her husband we talked about our son going to school by his house and me moving out there and where I could plant a garden. Then all of a sudden monday comes and the guy I slept with comes to him work once a week or so so I guess he saw him. I also forgot to add that he wanted to make it even by having sex with someone I know so I would have to see her like he has to see him. and after that he was 100% in and wanted to work on our family but that was driving me nuts him nexting her and her posting stuff about him. He said it was about revenge. He would get mad at me though because he couldnt bring himself to do it and see if he felt even or if he would wake up hating me eve n more. this last 5 monts have been a nightmare back and forth. and this whole week we have argued all day everyday. He tells me now that he is done his heart is just broken he cant take it anymore he is at an all time low and all this fighting has pushed him away. I need help please. I dont know what to do anymore. We did have the rough patch 6 years ago but all these years we have been the happiest couple ever hardly no fights sex all the time we both were extremely happy and planning our wedding which is why I feel like has crushed us even more. I dont know what to think anymore he says he just needs to figure out him on his own now. he is a mess we fight all the time he drinks all the time now he is sad and his heart hurts. I love him too much I have put my all into my relationship we made it to complete happieness and now its all gone. I dont know how to function I feel as though I am loosing it all like I cant function anywhere. not at work or home. I hate being home a lone in our old house. I have to see him everyday because our son. I just feel like I hope there is hope for us I know he loves me and it hurting right now and it is no ones fault but my own I shouldnt have let someone in between us and it makes me sick. I have lost so much weight I weigh like 94 pounds now gross. I hate this we saw eachother when I was in the eighth grade he was at my house when I came home from texas hanging out with his cousin that was my sisters friend I know then we both looked right at eachother and loved eachother he would come visit me every summer since he lived in Oregon. I have lived with him since I was 16 years old. I truely believe we are sole mates and being young parents got the best of us that 1 year but we have always been best friends.

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