My husband and I were worship leaders at our church. In a nutshell, he cheated on me with the woman's ministry director/close friend of mine. This was his second time cheating on me. I forgave him 3 years ago and struggled really bad with low self esteem, blaming and hating myself. We did counseling and reconciled. I was floored when I found out he cheated for the 2nd time. Needless to say, our pastors announced it from the pulpit, and fired him immediately and soon after they left. So in a short time I've lost my husband, ministry, church family, pastors, friends, and the list goes on. I've never experienced so much loss in all my life.
We've been separated since oct. He still has not filed for a divorce but does not want to come home. He is still allowing me to live in the house and paying the bills. He is living with him mom a few houses down. He's a good dad. Financially, the lawyer says don't file but my counselor says the emotionally limbo is gonna kill me. It's been really hard. I'm trying to stay positive and trust God and not freak out. I'm praying God does a miracle in our situation but I'm really confused. I do love him but being it's a second offense I don't see how I will ever be able to trust him again and he is not giving me any signs that he wants or loves me anymore. I'm feel so alone, abandoned and rejected. I'm at my wits end. If I file, my kids will lose their home and school and I don't want to hurt them anymore than they already are hurting. They are 12,8 and 4. But I don't know how much longer I can live like this.
We've been separated since oct. He still has not filed for a divorce but does not want to come home. He is still allowing me to live in the house and paying the bills. He is living with him mom a few houses down. He's a good dad. Financially, the lawyer says don't file but my counselor says the emotionally limbo is gonna kill me. It's been really hard. I'm trying to stay positive and trust God and not freak out. I'm praying God does a miracle in our situation but I'm really confused. I do love him but being it's a second offense I don't see how I will ever be able to trust him again and he is not giving me any signs that he wants or loves me anymore. I'm feel so alone, abandoned and rejected. I'm at my wits end. If I file, my kids will lose their home and school and I don't want to hurt them anymore than they already are hurting. They are 12,8 and 4. But I don't know how much longer I can live like this.
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