A bit of background -
I got with my ex in 2003. Had our son in 2006, got engaged first in 2011, 'split up' for 3 months in 2012, spent £2500 on a new engagement ring in October 2014 and proposed to her on our 11th anniversary in November
Up to 5 weeks ago, I thought we were happy and settled. Planning our wedding, and talking about another baby. Then the bombshell.
When I was in bed 4 fridays ago, getting up the next morning at 6.30 to go to work overtime to save for our wedding, my fiance went and had sex with someone. I found out the very next morning. It ruined me. I spent the next 2 weeks in the gutter, absolutely destroyed. She seemed remorseful, wrecked with guily. Until she slept with him again 2 weeks later.
Still, after this, I told her I'd be willing to try counselling and taking things one step at a time to see if we could sort it out. I wanted to keep our family together, to try to save our impending marriage. But she cut it all out. Throughout the last 3 weeks, she has been nothing but horrible to me. Almost as if I'm the one that cheated on our family.
I'm as close to 100% certain she is still seeing this guy. She's been caught out lying about where she is going and where she has been twice in the last week alone. But she says she's not.
We have a mutual friend who has been helping us both. I spoke to her last night and she indicated that my ex had indicated to her that she is pushing me away because she wants to have space to work her head out and decide what she wants. I don't believe that. I believe she is pushing me away becuase she doesn't want to tell me about still seeing the other guy.
She went out last Friday night while I had my son staying with me. She has never ever in her life left her cats out overnight, but she left 2 of them out all night. I knew she was going out. I knew who she was going out with (a mutual female friend (who had been helping me deal with this immensely but my ex stopped me talking to her), and the mutual friends sister in law)When I went up to the house on Saturday morning, and obviously seen she hadn't been back, I rang her. She wouldn't say where she was, but denied she was with this guy. She said she is waiting on a taxi and would be back in about 15 minutes. So I waited for about 20 then left. She rang me about an hour later then said she was in the mutual friends sister in laws on the friday night, and at the time of the call was in the mutual friends house. I didn't believe her but tried to take it at face value. So I was speaking to the mutual friend last night, and she said she had absolutely no idea where she went as my ex stayed in the taxi after she got out. The three of them are pretty close, so I find it extremely hard to believe that not one of the two of them mentioned to the mutual friend that they had went and stayed and had a drink and my ex stayed over until 12 in the afternoon.
Last Tuesday she claimed to be going for a drink in the mutual friends house. So when I had our son, I text and asked could I call to get the house key to get our son's DVD player as mine packed in. No reply. So I called to the mutual friends half an hour later and she wasn't there. No idea where she was. She then text me about half an hour after this and said she was out with another friend. This is until the next morning when I went up to give her the car for work, and seen 2 cinema tickets in her bag. She claimed her and her other friend went to watch Fast and Furious 7, which I absolutely know my ex has no interest in. The thing is, after she told me she was going to the mutual friends, I dropped that friend to the shop. I was back at the house around 8, and left around 8.20. The film started at 9.15. She would have had to organise this cinema date with the other friend within the space of me getting back at 8, got herself into the cinema which is at least £10 in a taxi away, and her other friend would have had to travel about 20 minutes from the opposite direction. There is other, easily more accessible cinemas they could have went to, but this one is at least 20 minute walk from the nearest public transport. So it all doesn't add up with that.
I'm just completely lost with it all. Trying my best to hold it together for our son but I'm just panicing all day every day, depressed, and she doesn't give a ****. I've tried telling her I want to know if it is still going on just so I can close her out and move on with my life. But she insists she's not, but still gets caught out lying.
I am absolutely devastated. Constantly in a state of panic, and really do not know what to do.
I got with my ex in 2003. Had our son in 2006, got engaged first in 2011, 'split up' for 3 months in 2012, spent £2500 on a new engagement ring in October 2014 and proposed to her on our 11th anniversary in November
Up to 5 weeks ago, I thought we were happy and settled. Planning our wedding, and talking about another baby. Then the bombshell.
When I was in bed 4 fridays ago, getting up the next morning at 6.30 to go to work overtime to save for our wedding, my fiance went and had sex with someone. I found out the very next morning. It ruined me. I spent the next 2 weeks in the gutter, absolutely destroyed. She seemed remorseful, wrecked with guily. Until she slept with him again 2 weeks later.
Still, after this, I told her I'd be willing to try counselling and taking things one step at a time to see if we could sort it out. I wanted to keep our family together, to try to save our impending marriage. But she cut it all out. Throughout the last 3 weeks, she has been nothing but horrible to me. Almost as if I'm the one that cheated on our family.
I'm as close to 100% certain she is still seeing this guy. She's been caught out lying about where she is going and where she has been twice in the last week alone. But she says she's not.
We have a mutual friend who has been helping us both. I spoke to her last night and she indicated that my ex had indicated to her that she is pushing me away because she wants to have space to work her head out and decide what she wants. I don't believe that. I believe she is pushing me away becuase she doesn't want to tell me about still seeing the other guy.
She went out last Friday night while I had my son staying with me. She has never ever in her life left her cats out overnight, but she left 2 of them out all night. I knew she was going out. I knew who she was going out with (a mutual female friend (who had been helping me deal with this immensely but my ex stopped me talking to her), and the mutual friends sister in law)When I went up to the house on Saturday morning, and obviously seen she hadn't been back, I rang her. She wouldn't say where she was, but denied she was with this guy. She said she is waiting on a taxi and would be back in about 15 minutes. So I waited for about 20 then left. She rang me about an hour later then said she was in the mutual friends sister in laws on the friday night, and at the time of the call was in the mutual friends house. I didn't believe her but tried to take it at face value. So I was speaking to the mutual friend last night, and she said she had absolutely no idea where she went as my ex stayed in the taxi after she got out. The three of them are pretty close, so I find it extremely hard to believe that not one of the two of them mentioned to the mutual friend that they had went and stayed and had a drink and my ex stayed over until 12 in the afternoon.
Last Tuesday she claimed to be going for a drink in the mutual friends house. So when I had our son, I text and asked could I call to get the house key to get our son's DVD player as mine packed in. No reply. So I called to the mutual friends half an hour later and she wasn't there. No idea where she was. She then text me about half an hour after this and said she was out with another friend. This is until the next morning when I went up to give her the car for work, and seen 2 cinema tickets in her bag. She claimed her and her other friend went to watch Fast and Furious 7, which I absolutely know my ex has no interest in. The thing is, after she told me she was going to the mutual friends, I dropped that friend to the shop. I was back at the house around 8, and left around 8.20. The film started at 9.15. She would have had to organise this cinema date with the other friend within the space of me getting back at 8, got herself into the cinema which is at least £10 in a taxi away, and her other friend would have had to travel about 20 minutes from the opposite direction. There is other, easily more accessible cinemas they could have went to, but this one is at least 20 minute walk from the nearest public transport. So it all doesn't add up with that.
I'm just completely lost with it all. Trying my best to hold it together for our son but I'm just panicing all day every day, depressed, and she doesn't give a ****. I've tried telling her I want to know if it is still going on just so I can close her out and move on with my life. But she insists she's not, but still gets caught out lying.
I am absolutely devastated. Constantly in a state of panic, and really do not know what to do.
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