I am so sorry I have written an essay but if anyone can relate or help it would really be appreciated. I tried to structure it as best as I could >.<
THE BOLD WONT LEAVE!
The current situation:
Okay how do I start this. My exams are in less than 3 weeks and I could not be less prepared. I have not revised properly since the beginning of the year and I kept on meaning to start revision but the internet and procrastination took over my life and now I feel everything could not have gone more wrong. I was planning to get 4 A's at AS level and try to get into a good medicine school and now I feel like all my plans are impossible because how can I get 4 A's in less than 3 weeks. I cant even start revision properly. I know it may be hard to believe seeing as I have not started revision but I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be a doctor and I cant see myself doing anything else and it makes me cry sometimes that I might not reach that goal because I am unable to get my **** together and revise as hard as I can and understand everything and get those damn A's!
I keep going through periods where I give up and say "**** it I'll do some surgery and become a porn star" and continue procrastinating but then I get this really big wake up call like "OH MY **** I NEED TO REVISE" and I spend ages preparing to revise but I never get to it before I give up again. And now its come to the point where I have no time for breaks and I must just keep revising as hard as I can and every time I don't understand something I break down.
Now here comes the physiological responses. I have a permanent knot in my stomach from exam anxiety and this knot has only been visible after I started to cut ties with everything that used to distract me (internet friends, youtube etc). I know I cant relax and go back to my distractions even if I wanted to because If I do everything is over even if my knot goes away. This knot has stopped me from sleeping sometimes and its definitely stopped me from eating. I get nauseas every time I eat things so I end up either not eating or taking one bite and throwing the rest away losing my appetite immediately although I try to force myself to eat small things like toast just so I don't collapse.
I also have a permanent migraine atm which is dull but hurting about 60% of the time and really bad that even medicines wont work the rest of the time. This could be because of my water/food consumption but it also gets worse with noise/light or if I think about things too much. At this present moment I have a dull migraine and my stomach is in a bad knot (probably due to thinking about the current situation and panicking) and I feel slight nauseas due to eating a sammich about 20 minutes ago.
Solutions?
I have tried revising for the past couple days but everytime I look at the books, my stomach gets into a really bad knot and I feel like crying because I dont understand it and theres so much to do in so little time and then I go on an endless thinking cycle then i give up and start procrastinating again etc etc
I have taken pain killers for my headache and medicines for my stomach but neither work. The knot is permanent and so is the migraine. I think its worth mentioning that I have had this headache before I started worrying at the beginning of the year but it was never this constant/bad and it was mainly due to bad diet choices and little sleep.
I WANT to have small breaks even if they are 10 minutes but I feel like its not an option seeing as I have so little time already. I also want to take up something to help relax e.g. yoga but again not enough time.
"You dont need 4 A's in AS level to get into medicine", the competition is very high atm and AS grades are what your university see and what your teachers use to predict your final grades so getting all A's is crucial.
Help?
I'm really confused and I dont know what to do and this feeling that I have both in my stomach and in my head is really affecting me and how I do things in life. I dont even feel like me any more and I need to fix myself up before its too late. I REALLY WANT TO START REVISING RIGHT THIS MINUTE and I am going to try but how do I stop the anxiety quickly or at least ignore it?
MANY MANY THANKS to those who at least try to help somewhat
The bold wont go away. THIS IS ANNOYING!!
Put the internet to work for you.
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