This will definitely be a long story. I apologise in advance. Over the past couple of years, I feel like I could write a book about my life...
I have been married for 5 years. a year and a half ago, I finally asked my husband to leave. I worked full time as a teacher and my husband has never been able to keep a job. With our two children at day care and school, he spent his days playing computer games, training and sleeping. Asking him to make the kids lunches in the morning was a constant struggle as he was just too tired from staying up all night. Every time I asked him to do something around the house or get a job, I was told to stop being a 'nagging' wife. Any attempt to work on our marriage was quickly rejected. He asked me to take the kids out of care and leave them at home because we were just not making ends meet. After three weeks and the kids staying at home day in and day out, just running around their dad while his eyes were glued to the computer screen, I had had enough and asked him to leave.
Less thant wo weeks after he left he became involved with another women. (I shall call her HW) He refused to look after the kids when I worked because he had 'better' things to do, like go on dates. He also said that he didn't love me anymore. I was stuck as finding care is very difficult in our area. I relied on family and friends to help until I finally found a carer.
One morning he came to my house when I had a few freinds over and because one of them was male, he went on a rampage. Apparetly, I was not allowed to have a man in my house... I needed to call the police when he sped off with my son in a rage and no car seat. Even after this I begged for him to return, for him to step up and help support his family and work on our marriage. Eventually he decided to come back to the family.
I did my best to work on the marriage. It was difficult as I had HW calling me, emailing me, calling my husband and turning up angry on my doorstep, desperate to get him back. He said he wanted to move away to a bigger city to start a sports club and to start over. (His dream) So after three months, I packed up my house, my kids and my fantastic job to move 12 hours drive away from my friends and family. After only four weeks, I found out that HW was still calling him and after I told him that I must listen to ALL conversations, she got angry and emailed me everything! It turned out that my husband was seeing her the whole four months before the move. She backed this up by telling me to take a look at my wedding photos. There was one picture with comments from all our guests, the last gift from my belated father. In big black ink were the words, 'YOUR MARRIAGE IS A JOKE". She had vandalised our wedding photos. I found out that she too was planning on moving to the same locat ion and was moving 10mins away. The plan being for him to make me think he was back, move the kids to the location he wanted me too go to and then leave to live with her. I was deverstated!! I had the police remove him that night because he refused to leave. He made me feel terrible for kicking him out with nowhere to go. HW sent me nasty text messages telling me how much of a bad person I was kicking my own husband out when he had nowhere to go. I told her to buy him a plane ticket... She did...
Less than two weeks later, he arrived back on my doorstep. Begging me to take him back. I did but this didn't stop him from 'thinking' about her. With his plans to create his own club falling through, he took up a security job on wekeends, refusing to get a full time job. Again I had to take the kids out of care to make ends meet. He promised he wouldn't leave, making a promise to his daughter also.
Once my nephew was born, I went back to my hometown for a few days. He dropped me off at the airport and promised he would do anything to keep the family together. Upon my return, things had changed. He was distant for the first week and spent many hours out of the house. He said he had realised that he was not 'needed' at home because his son was getting bored with him during the day. He said that he had a chat with his mother and his mother told him he should follow his heart and leave. He said the least I could do was let him stay for 4 weeks to get enough money to leave. I accepted.
That weekend, after my daughter had been admitted to hospital for asthma, he took my car to work one night and told me he was too tired to drive home and was going to stay at a work mates house before his shift the next day. I was very conerned that I was left alone with no transport after my daughter had just been released from hospital. He didn't care. I had my suspicions and after finding out the HW address, I drove to her appartment and found him there. Both of them were too coward to come out. I got my car keys and took my car home. Packing his things up and once again being left with no care for my kids because I was told that the HW, who has no children herself would take care of them for me... I later found out that while I was away, our young daughter found her 'naked' in our bed.
Three weeks later, he had rented an apartment with her. She constantly harrased me, telling me she was taking me to court to get full custody of the children. I was in a living nightmare. I kept my kids close and just told her to go ahead. I had had enough.
Only a month later, my husband left her again. Saying that she was too 'controlling'. Funny that, considering I never compained about him training 4 or 5 nights a week because he enjoyed it. He came crawling back and organised counseling for both of us. He got a full time job but soon quit because he 'didn't like it'. He stays at home, watches TV, trains at his club that he earns a whole $100 a week at and plays computer games. He has asked me to take the kids out of care, but I am too afraid too. I still clean, mostly make dinner, fold the washing and even mow the yard after I work 10 hours a day. We have been to counceling a number of times and he seems actually commited. Problem is, I honestly don't think I could ever trust him or forgive him for what he has done. I don't want to close at all. I am sick of being broke, I have a great job, but it just isn't enough. I want to buy my own house one day, but it just wont be possible because he just does not want to work... at a ll! I have even applied for a second job on the weekends to support us. He will just let me do it, with no concern because his club is 'growing' with now 12 members and this is ALL he wants to do. When I explain that it is just 'not paying the bills' he gets defensive and says that it's not fair that 'I got my degree and am happy' and should be his turn. Telling him that he should have done it before we decided to have kids, like I did, just does not make sense to him and he just tells me that I should be more 'supportive'.
I want to leave him but I am worried for my kids. I never wanted a broken family but he is not the role model I want for my children. Also, he has NO money at all and no where to go. I feel stuck, unhappy and miserable.
Gosh, I know there is going to be a lot of 'Wake up woman' comments on here, but I think that is just exactly what I need to hear.
I know I deserve better. I work hard, I take the best care of my children and I have worked very hard to get where I am career wise. I have soo much to give but my husband has not told me he loves me in years, claiming that he just needs to 'connect' with me again.
So where do I go from here?
I have been married for 5 years. a year and a half ago, I finally asked my husband to leave. I worked full time as a teacher and my husband has never been able to keep a job. With our two children at day care and school, he spent his days playing computer games, training and sleeping. Asking him to make the kids lunches in the morning was a constant struggle as he was just too tired from staying up all night. Every time I asked him to do something around the house or get a job, I was told to stop being a 'nagging' wife. Any attempt to work on our marriage was quickly rejected. He asked me to take the kids out of care and leave them at home because we were just not making ends meet. After three weeks and the kids staying at home day in and day out, just running around their dad while his eyes were glued to the computer screen, I had had enough and asked him to leave.
Less thant wo weeks after he left he became involved with another women. (I shall call her HW) He refused to look after the kids when I worked because he had 'better' things to do, like go on dates. He also said that he didn't love me anymore. I was stuck as finding care is very difficult in our area. I relied on family and friends to help until I finally found a carer.
One morning he came to my house when I had a few freinds over and because one of them was male, he went on a rampage. Apparetly, I was not allowed to have a man in my house... I needed to call the police when he sped off with my son in a rage and no car seat. Even after this I begged for him to return, for him to step up and help support his family and work on our marriage. Eventually he decided to come back to the family.
I did my best to work on the marriage. It was difficult as I had HW calling me, emailing me, calling my husband and turning up angry on my doorstep, desperate to get him back. He said he wanted to move away to a bigger city to start a sports club and to start over. (His dream) So after three months, I packed up my house, my kids and my fantastic job to move 12 hours drive away from my friends and family. After only four weeks, I found out that HW was still calling him and after I told him that I must listen to ALL conversations, she got angry and emailed me everything! It turned out that my husband was seeing her the whole four months before the move. She backed this up by telling me to take a look at my wedding photos. There was one picture with comments from all our guests, the last gift from my belated father. In big black ink were the words, 'YOUR MARRIAGE IS A JOKE". She had vandalised our wedding photos. I found out that she too was planning on moving to the same locat ion and was moving 10mins away. The plan being for him to make me think he was back, move the kids to the location he wanted me too go to and then leave to live with her. I was deverstated!! I had the police remove him that night because he refused to leave. He made me feel terrible for kicking him out with nowhere to go. HW sent me nasty text messages telling me how much of a bad person I was kicking my own husband out when he had nowhere to go. I told her to buy him a plane ticket... She did...
Less than two weeks later, he arrived back on my doorstep. Begging me to take him back. I did but this didn't stop him from 'thinking' about her. With his plans to create his own club falling through, he took up a security job on wekeends, refusing to get a full time job. Again I had to take the kids out of care to make ends meet. He promised he wouldn't leave, making a promise to his daughter also.
Once my nephew was born, I went back to my hometown for a few days. He dropped me off at the airport and promised he would do anything to keep the family together. Upon my return, things had changed. He was distant for the first week and spent many hours out of the house. He said he had realised that he was not 'needed' at home because his son was getting bored with him during the day. He said that he had a chat with his mother and his mother told him he should follow his heart and leave. He said the least I could do was let him stay for 4 weeks to get enough money to leave. I accepted.
That weekend, after my daughter had been admitted to hospital for asthma, he took my car to work one night and told me he was too tired to drive home and was going to stay at a work mates house before his shift the next day. I was very conerned that I was left alone with no transport after my daughter had just been released from hospital. He didn't care. I had my suspicions and after finding out the HW address, I drove to her appartment and found him there. Both of them were too coward to come out. I got my car keys and took my car home. Packing his things up and once again being left with no care for my kids because I was told that the HW, who has no children herself would take care of them for me... I later found out that while I was away, our young daughter found her 'naked' in our bed.
Three weeks later, he had rented an apartment with her. She constantly harrased me, telling me she was taking me to court to get full custody of the children. I was in a living nightmare. I kept my kids close and just told her to go ahead. I had had enough.
Only a month later, my husband left her again. Saying that she was too 'controlling'. Funny that, considering I never compained about him training 4 or 5 nights a week because he enjoyed it. He came crawling back and organised counseling for both of us. He got a full time job but soon quit because he 'didn't like it'. He stays at home, watches TV, trains at his club that he earns a whole $100 a week at and plays computer games. He has asked me to take the kids out of care, but I am too afraid too. I still clean, mostly make dinner, fold the washing and even mow the yard after I work 10 hours a day. We have been to counceling a number of times and he seems actually commited. Problem is, I honestly don't think I could ever trust him or forgive him for what he has done. I don't want to close at all. I am sick of being broke, I have a great job, but it just isn't enough. I want to buy my own house one day, but it just wont be possible because he just does not want to work... at a ll! I have even applied for a second job on the weekends to support us. He will just let me do it, with no concern because his club is 'growing' with now 12 members and this is ALL he wants to do. When I explain that it is just 'not paying the bills' he gets defensive and says that it's not fair that 'I got my degree and am happy' and should be his turn. Telling him that he should have done it before we decided to have kids, like I did, just does not make sense to him and he just tells me that I should be more 'supportive'.
I want to leave him but I am worried for my kids. I never wanted a broken family but he is not the role model I want for my children. Also, he has NO money at all and no where to go. I feel stuck, unhappy and miserable.
Gosh, I know there is going to be a lot of 'Wake up woman' comments on here, but I think that is just exactly what I need to hear.
I know I deserve better. I work hard, I take the best care of my children and I have worked very hard to get where I am career wise. I have soo much to give but my husband has not told me he loves me in years, claiming that he just needs to 'connect' with me again.
So where do I go from here?
Put the internet to work for you.
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