Good morning all,
This is my first post and don't really know how to begin or exactly what it is that I am looking for but I am here to see if I can get a little bit of clarity.
I met my wife 12 years ago and we have been together ever since we were both 18. Our relationship started off alittle bit rocky on both our parts, within a year we both were seeing other people, hers being more serious and me leaving the girl I was with to chase my future wife.
We got back together after a year and moved in shortly thereafter and have since we were 21. In the early years I started to talk to other women on the internet and she would periodically find out but it was nothing more then just talking. After being together for 6 years I proposed to her and she said yes. Now it wasn't the dream proposal and I was lacking in the emotional and romantic category (2 things which she values heavily) but nonetheless we were getting married.
During this time I was neglecting her and being emotional absent. I haven't been the best husband nor the most attentive but she stuck with me since she knew I was a good person and because she was in love with me. After our marriage I decided it was time for me to grow up and become a man so I joined the Air Force and have been for the past 7 years. Right after I joined we discovered she was pregnant and were ecstatic but I was mostly absent due to being away for training/military related stuff. During this time is when our issues started to begin. I started getting more attention from woman and started to have affairs. She found out about them and I never denied them and she seemed to be okay with it and let them slide.
Fast forward a couple years and it was basically the same deal I would be with another woman and she would be ok with it and I thought nothing was wrong. Please keep in mind throughout my entire 12 years with this woman I have always loved her and still do. I have always been in love with her and still am.
I cheated on her when she was pregnant with our 2nd child and that seemed to be the turning point in our relationship. I noticed the change in her and she wasn't quick to forgive me this time. I worked hard to regain her trust and gave up on everything other then proving to her that I still loved and cared for her. She eventually came around but would bring it up every once in awhile.
There was a point that I stopped all my outside cheating but for some reason she started saying it would get her excited that woman wanted me. I thought I was the luckiest guy! She would tell me that she wanted me to be with other woman and that I should find a girl so we could have an "Open Relationship". I told her I would do a partial open relationship since I was not comfortable with her going out and seeing other men (selfish of me no?). So I started to and she agreed not to but it seemed to be brought up more often.
Last Novemeber I started to notice a change in her. I had slowed down my activities by this point even though she was insisting that I see other woman. I started to change and knew that's not what I wanted anymore and I expressed it to her..but I think I was too little too late. She had started talking to a friend at work and the talking become more frequent to the point that they talked all day. She ended up leaving her job which I think is a result of a midlife crisis (just turned 30) and started a new job which she hated. Once I found out about the guy I approached her and she said she wouldn't talk to him again. I trusted her and left her alone on the subject for 2 weeks all while showing her all the emotional and romantic side that I had been lacking.
Come to find out for those 2 weeks he had sent her a cell phone to use and she was communicating with him that way. Again I approached her and she said she would stop, I smashed the phone, tv, and an ipad in rage. Long story short she kept talking to him and I kept finding out about 5/6 times total.
I started going to therapy at this point and she said she would seek out as well which she hasn't done. We did start marriage consuling and did 3 sessions of which she says her mind was not there and neither was her heart. She is finally seeing the therapist next week indiviadually so at least she is getting some help. But she tells me she feels absolutely nothing towards me and tells me she needs space to grow and find herself. Im moving out tomorrow which is killing me since I've had my life with her for so long. Also she has all my finances since she isn't working but staying with the kids.
She asked me to move out in December but I told her if we were going to work things out I should be at home with her to see and talk to her and everything went great... We had a really great month and I thought we were getting back on track..I did find out she talked to this man everyday and she lied to me again about it. She finally dropped the bomb on me during a family lactation in the Poconos that she felt nothing for me and she wanted to split.
I am trying to win her back...I love my wife...I want to show her I have changed.. I want to show her im not selfish and am thinking about her happiness. I just don't know how to win her heart back. I am miserable and then I see her talking to him now on the phone bill and can't help but think ive lost her forever. Please help!!
This is my first post and don't really know how to begin or exactly what it is that I am looking for but I am here to see if I can get a little bit of clarity.
I met my wife 12 years ago and we have been together ever since we were both 18. Our relationship started off alittle bit rocky on both our parts, within a year we both were seeing other people, hers being more serious and me leaving the girl I was with to chase my future wife.
We got back together after a year and moved in shortly thereafter and have since we were 21. In the early years I started to talk to other women on the internet and she would periodically find out but it was nothing more then just talking. After being together for 6 years I proposed to her and she said yes. Now it wasn't the dream proposal and I was lacking in the emotional and romantic category (2 things which she values heavily) but nonetheless we were getting married.
During this time I was neglecting her and being emotional absent. I haven't been the best husband nor the most attentive but she stuck with me since she knew I was a good person and because she was in love with me. After our marriage I decided it was time for me to grow up and become a man so I joined the Air Force and have been for the past 7 years. Right after I joined we discovered she was pregnant and were ecstatic but I was mostly absent due to being away for training/military related stuff. During this time is when our issues started to begin. I started getting more attention from woman and started to have affairs. She found out about them and I never denied them and she seemed to be okay with it and let them slide.
Fast forward a couple years and it was basically the same deal I would be with another woman and she would be ok with it and I thought nothing was wrong. Please keep in mind throughout my entire 12 years with this woman I have always loved her and still do. I have always been in love with her and still am.
I cheated on her when she was pregnant with our 2nd child and that seemed to be the turning point in our relationship. I noticed the change in her and she wasn't quick to forgive me this time. I worked hard to regain her trust and gave up on everything other then proving to her that I still loved and cared for her. She eventually came around but would bring it up every once in awhile.
There was a point that I stopped all my outside cheating but for some reason she started saying it would get her excited that woman wanted me. I thought I was the luckiest guy! She would tell me that she wanted me to be with other woman and that I should find a girl so we could have an "Open Relationship". I told her I would do a partial open relationship since I was not comfortable with her going out and seeing other men (selfish of me no?). So I started to and she agreed not to but it seemed to be brought up more often.
Last Novemeber I started to notice a change in her. I had slowed down my activities by this point even though she was insisting that I see other woman. I started to change and knew that's not what I wanted anymore and I expressed it to her..but I think I was too little too late. She had started talking to a friend at work and the talking become more frequent to the point that they talked all day. She ended up leaving her job which I think is a result of a midlife crisis (just turned 30) and started a new job which she hated. Once I found out about the guy I approached her and she said she wouldn't talk to him again. I trusted her and left her alone on the subject for 2 weeks all while showing her all the emotional and romantic side that I had been lacking.
Come to find out for those 2 weeks he had sent her a cell phone to use and she was communicating with him that way. Again I approached her and she said she would stop, I smashed the phone, tv, and an ipad in rage. Long story short she kept talking to him and I kept finding out about 5/6 times total.
I started going to therapy at this point and she said she would seek out as well which she hasn't done. We did start marriage consuling and did 3 sessions of which she says her mind was not there and neither was her heart. She is finally seeing the therapist next week indiviadually so at least she is getting some help. But she tells me she feels absolutely nothing towards me and tells me she needs space to grow and find herself. Im moving out tomorrow which is killing me since I've had my life with her for so long. Also she has all my finances since she isn't working but staying with the kids.
She asked me to move out in December but I told her if we were going to work things out I should be at home with her to see and talk to her and everything went great... We had a really great month and I thought we were getting back on track..I did find out she talked to this man everyday and she lied to me again about it. She finally dropped the bomb on me during a family lactation in the Poconos that she felt nothing for me and she wanted to split.
I am trying to win her back...I love my wife...I want to show her I have changed.. I want to show her im not selfish and am thinking about her happiness. I just don't know how to win her heart back. I am miserable and then I see her talking to him now on the phone bill and can't help but think ive lost her forever. Please help!!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment