Hey guys!
First off I'd like to say I'm glad to have stumbled across these forums. I live in a tech world and always thought I could google anything but never thought about relationship / family advice.
Issue at hand in a nutshell: My wife and mother do not get along.
Ok, that is really vague, and I know its probably cliche. This issue has been causing me mostly the only stress I have in this world. It makes problems for my wife who complains to me, and makes problems for my mother who complains to me.
One more thing to add before I get too detailed. All I could research on the net, has been an issue of the Son and his Mothers close relationship interfering with now his(what should be imo, new priority) Wifes relationship. I am not close with my mother in that regard. So this may be more an issue between my mother and me, but I'll let you guys judge/advise.
My wife and I live in Austin TX. My father, and my In-Laws also live in the same city. My mother and my father have been divorced since I was around age 5. My mother has had 3 total marriages one kid almost every 10 years with each husband, me included and the oldest. When I was young I had asked my mother if she was my real mom, the first words out of her mouth were "I cant believe you would think that, I buy you anything you want." My mom has never said "I love you" until recently when her daughter(kid two) moved out. My mom had asked me to lie to my grandparents when I was about 13, she told me to tell my grandparents a lie instead of the truth that she was going on a trip with a guy she met online, cheating on my step-dad who had practically half raised me. So you can see where I have lost respect for my mother in the past. She is self absorbed and in denial about it. She will smile to your face and turn around and talk to her friends and even some of our family and spin stories in her favor to pity her, or make you look bad. At 18 Mostly because I could not stand my mother for loss of respect, and other small things she would do to get under your skin or, just in general "ask" you to do for her, I left for FL lived there for 8 years, and decided I need to move back to Austin. My Mother now lives in Houston with my little brother who is 10 and her 3rd Husband(who is nice). Because of the distance and time apart, I thought everything was ok. Now that I have a new woman in my life, it seems my moms force is back and crazy just as it used to be. (btw my sister, 21, has the same issues with my mom as I did, in different ways)
I'll take the issue at hand. Even though there are a lot more examples. Because of past issues, my wife and I, while at my grandparents visiting the weekend after new years with my mother and her family decided to ask her when would be a good time in March to have a baby shower so that she could come. We have had mini issues in the past because of poor planning and trying to include everyone, especially my mother. So she said anything but the 2 middle weekends in march as they were going on a trip with my little brother for spring break to Disney World. So We asked about the first weekend in march then!? Ok! Saturday the 7th in March. I specifically remember my wife saying the seventh and even putting it in on our google calendar right there. So a month has past, we have now planned everything around this baby shower, I am working more this month to help save for my wife's time off after the baby(she gets no pregnant leave-pay) next month is baby shower, a weekend in there we are house/dog sitting for in-laws as its their anniversary, last weekend in march we planned a tiny stay-cation for our 1 yr anniversary, and every Saturday in April is a baby class. And then finally the baby early May.
-My life is now filled with these events "oh the single life". (my wife is worth it.)
I realize at this point I'm probably going on too much. I'll try to be shorter.
My mother gets in contact with me a few days ago asking what she can do to help plan the baby shower. There isnt much for her to do because she is 3-4 hours away in Houston. I tell her to get in contact with my Mother-in-law. She then finds out its on the 7th, and coming back to me saying that shes hurt and that I knew that she was going on vacay with her family to Disney. I always tell it straight to my mom, and proceeded to come back with that we had specifically discussed when we were having it, she thought the first weekend in march as in on Sunday the 1st. I know my mom, and this is not right cause she knows we wouldn't have it on a Sunday as people would have to travel(some of my wifes family from another state as well). I have cut all ties with my mother when I was 18, all ties as in she doesn't have a reason to hold anything against me(things she bought me, financially, living with her), as this is what she would do in the past. eye for an eye kind of thing. This is w hat my mother does, tries to spin things in her favor as to not make her look bad. So the only thing she uses against me now is "I'm hurt"
My wife is upset, my mother is upset. I'm caught between the middle of a pregnant woman and a post-menopausal mother.
To add they both are making backhanded comments on Facebook(I hate Facebook for this reason) towards either each other or about me.
I am a logical person, I try to include both my mother and my wife. My mother makes things so difficult. My wife says shes DONE with my mother. I want to be DONE with my mother too, but I don't want to hurt her, nor my Grandparents on her side, cause I know my mother will spin a story to them that makes me look like I don't care. On top of, I don't want my wife dealing with the stress.
Any advice will help.
-Thanks! Sorry for the wall of text.
First off I'd like to say I'm glad to have stumbled across these forums. I live in a tech world and always thought I could google anything but never thought about relationship / family advice.
Issue at hand in a nutshell: My wife and mother do not get along.
Ok, that is really vague, and I know its probably cliche. This issue has been causing me mostly the only stress I have in this world. It makes problems for my wife who complains to me, and makes problems for my mother who complains to me.
One more thing to add before I get too detailed. All I could research on the net, has been an issue of the Son and his Mothers close relationship interfering with now his(what should be imo, new priority) Wifes relationship. I am not close with my mother in that regard. So this may be more an issue between my mother and me, but I'll let you guys judge/advise.
My wife and I live in Austin TX. My father, and my In-Laws also live in the same city. My mother and my father have been divorced since I was around age 5. My mother has had 3 total marriages one kid almost every 10 years with each husband, me included and the oldest. When I was young I had asked my mother if she was my real mom, the first words out of her mouth were "I cant believe you would think that, I buy you anything you want." My mom has never said "I love you" until recently when her daughter(kid two) moved out. My mom had asked me to lie to my grandparents when I was about 13, she told me to tell my grandparents a lie instead of the truth that she was going on a trip with a guy she met online, cheating on my step-dad who had practically half raised me. So you can see where I have lost respect for my mother in the past. She is self absorbed and in denial about it. She will smile to your face and turn around and talk to her friends and even some of our family and spin stories in her favor to pity her, or make you look bad. At 18 Mostly because I could not stand my mother for loss of respect, and other small things she would do to get under your skin or, just in general "ask" you to do for her, I left for FL lived there for 8 years, and decided I need to move back to Austin. My Mother now lives in Houston with my little brother who is 10 and her 3rd Husband(who is nice). Because of the distance and time apart, I thought everything was ok. Now that I have a new woman in my life, it seems my moms force is back and crazy just as it used to be. (btw my sister, 21, has the same issues with my mom as I did, in different ways)
I'll take the issue at hand. Even though there are a lot more examples. Because of past issues, my wife and I, while at my grandparents visiting the weekend after new years with my mother and her family decided to ask her when would be a good time in March to have a baby shower so that she could come. We have had mini issues in the past because of poor planning and trying to include everyone, especially my mother. So she said anything but the 2 middle weekends in march as they were going on a trip with my little brother for spring break to Disney World. So We asked about the first weekend in march then!? Ok! Saturday the 7th in March. I specifically remember my wife saying the seventh and even putting it in on our google calendar right there. So a month has past, we have now planned everything around this baby shower, I am working more this month to help save for my wife's time off after the baby(she gets no pregnant leave-pay) next month is baby shower, a weekend in there we are house/dog sitting for in-laws as its their anniversary, last weekend in march we planned a tiny stay-cation for our 1 yr anniversary, and every Saturday in April is a baby class. And then finally the baby early May.
-My life is now filled with these events "oh the single life". (my wife is worth it.)
I realize at this point I'm probably going on too much. I'll try to be shorter.
My mother gets in contact with me a few days ago asking what she can do to help plan the baby shower. There isnt much for her to do because she is 3-4 hours away in Houston. I tell her to get in contact with my Mother-in-law. She then finds out its on the 7th, and coming back to me saying that shes hurt and that I knew that she was going on vacay with her family to Disney. I always tell it straight to my mom, and proceeded to come back with that we had specifically discussed when we were having it, she thought the first weekend in march as in on Sunday the 1st. I know my mom, and this is not right cause she knows we wouldn't have it on a Sunday as people would have to travel(some of my wifes family from another state as well). I have cut all ties with my mother when I was 18, all ties as in she doesn't have a reason to hold anything against me(things she bought me, financially, living with her), as this is what she would do in the past. eye for an eye kind of thing. This is w hat my mother does, tries to spin things in her favor as to not make her look bad. So the only thing she uses against me now is "I'm hurt"
My wife is upset, my mother is upset. I'm caught between the middle of a pregnant woman and a post-menopausal mother.
To add they both are making backhanded comments on Facebook(I hate Facebook for this reason) towards either each other or about me.
I am a logical person, I try to include both my mother and my wife. My mother makes things so difficult. My wife says shes DONE with my mother. I want to be DONE with my mother too, but I don't want to hurt her, nor my Grandparents on her side, cause I know my mother will spin a story to them that makes me look like I don't care. On top of, I don't want my wife dealing with the stress.
Any advice will help.
-Thanks! Sorry for the wall of text.
Put the internet to work for you.
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