My husband and I have been married for 5 years (together a total of 7). There have always been ups and downs of course, but I never thought much about it. I would say overall the relationship has been good. Recently I started an emotional affair with a friend. This was very uncharacteristic for me. It did not last long or ever become physical. It made me realize I was looking elsewhere for emotional support and unknowingly holding on to resentment. My husband knows about the affair. Since he found out we have been doing a great deal of talking and examining how we each have behaved over the years. I brought up an issue that has gone on for most of the relationship. We have always had a fair amount of sex but my husband is definitely the one with the higher drive. Some times when he asks for it, I'll say no and it'll cause a big fight. I usually end up crying or feeling guilty and then we have sex anyway. And keep in mind when I say no its not as if there has been a great deal of time in between. Maybe a day or two. When I brought this up to him he did admit it was wrong and that he would try and change. But he also admitted that he knew what he was doing and would purposefully trying to guilt me into. Since the discovery of the affair we have not had nearly as much sex and its driving him crazy. He joked a few times about forcing me. I told him that really scared me but he promised he would never actually do that.
Another ongoing issue is his temper. He freely admits that it can be bad and his father and brothers are the same way. Occasionally, not every time, when we fight he will get mad enough that he will threaten to or actually break something. He has never directed his anger at me or our 2 year old daughter. It has been a lot better now that we have her. Although very recently with the stress of everything he hit the wall on the other side of her room very loudly while she and I were in there. She was very alarmed but quickly calmed down and everything went on as normal. She occasionally brings up the loud noise and even told him that he scared her. He is very distraught by that and seems very remorseful. He also kicked our puppy once because she wouldn't come to him. A online counselor I spoke to, told me she saw several red flags but I'm hesitant to label his behavior as abusive. There are other issues but those are my main concerns right now. He is very loving and I never fear for me or my daughters safety. Maybe I am overreacting?
So I guess what I'm wondering is because it doesn't happen in a cycle or all the time is it still considered emotional abuse? He never puts me down. Quite the opposite. He says I am perfect and he could not go on without me. I am just very confused.
Another ongoing issue is his temper. He freely admits that it can be bad and his father and brothers are the same way. Occasionally, not every time, when we fight he will get mad enough that he will threaten to or actually break something. He has never directed his anger at me or our 2 year old daughter. It has been a lot better now that we have her. Although very recently with the stress of everything he hit the wall on the other side of her room very loudly while she and I were in there. She was very alarmed but quickly calmed down and everything went on as normal. She occasionally brings up the loud noise and even told him that he scared her. He is very distraught by that and seems very remorseful. He also kicked our puppy once because she wouldn't come to him. A online counselor I spoke to, told me she saw several red flags but I'm hesitant to label his behavior as abusive. There are other issues but those are my main concerns right now. He is very loving and I never fear for me or my daughters safety. Maybe I am overreacting?
So I guess what I'm wondering is because it doesn't happen in a cycle or all the time is it still considered emotional abuse? He never puts me down. Quite the opposite. He says I am perfect and he could not go on without me. I am just very confused.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment