A discussion on another thread has me thinking about porn, and how it affects a woman's self-image and sexuality.
I want to be clear, I don't want to discuss the morality of porn, how the actors are treated, etc. I want to know how the images in porn affect the way women feel about themselves.
I'll start -
My ex-husband had a daily porn habit. Most of his views on sexuality and women were shaped by what he watched online (he didn't have much real-life experience before me). In his mind, "normal" women didn't need much foreplay, came easily and often, loved anal, and did whatever a man enjoyed without asking for anything in return.
I am not a porn star. I need foreplay, don't like anal, don't come easily, and have my own sexual needs. For years, my husband quietly compared me to "other women." Other women are into anal. Other women can come without much effort, why couldn't I? Other women give it up any time, any place, because they love their man.
I felt like I didn't measure up. Like I wasn't enough, because I wasn't like "other women." It took me years to realize that "other women" meant the girls he watched in porn, not actual real women. His standard of "normal" was set so high by an endless flow of beautiful women happily doing anything and everything, that I could never possibly reach it.
Constant comparison to women who weren't real, and didn't act the way real women act, made me feel like I was broken. It nearly shattered my self esteem. I still struggle with feeling like I should push myself outside of my sexual comfort zone to please a man.
Has the images from porn, or its affect on your love life, changed your self-image?
I want to be clear, I don't want to discuss the morality of porn, how the actors are treated, etc. I want to know how the images in porn affect the way women feel about themselves.
I'll start -
My ex-husband had a daily porn habit. Most of his views on sexuality and women were shaped by what he watched online (he didn't have much real-life experience before me). In his mind, "normal" women didn't need much foreplay, came easily and often, loved anal, and did whatever a man enjoyed without asking for anything in return.
I am not a porn star. I need foreplay, don't like anal, don't come easily, and have my own sexual needs. For years, my husband quietly compared me to "other women." Other women are into anal. Other women can come without much effort, why couldn't I? Other women give it up any time, any place, because they love their man.
I felt like I didn't measure up. Like I wasn't enough, because I wasn't like "other women." It took me years to realize that "other women" meant the girls he watched in porn, not actual real women. His standard of "normal" was set so high by an endless flow of beautiful women happily doing anything and everything, that I could never possibly reach it.
Constant comparison to women who weren't real, and didn't act the way real women act, made me feel like I was broken. It nearly shattered my self esteem. I still struggle with feeling like I should push myself outside of my sexual comfort zone to please a man.
Has the images from porn, or its affect on your love life, changed your self-image?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment