Hello all.
My first post here so I will try and give my story and be on point but I tend to "wander" when I write so please be patient. :)
She is 40, I am 44 and both my wife and I we're married once before and divorced for the same reason due to a cheating spouse. We both state that we were the financial "decider" in our previous marriage with little to no input from significant other.
To some, we had too short a time dating/engagement. We started dating in June 13 and was engaged by Jan. 14 and married in March that year. Not a lot of time to get to know someone casually.
Getting to know each other I thought she really had things under control. She had a decent paying job and received almost that much with child support and alimony. We would discuss our financial personalities and how we saved/spent money and seemed like we really were in tune.
When we married:
She "brought home" a little more then I did a month.
I had no debt other then $800 that I owed in Fed taxes. had an emergency cash fund, checking/savings accounts and paid for most things with cash.
She had a car payment, student loans, and a small CC loan (I thought). We have a joint account that we use for the shared bills and our own acc. that we use for the things we have that we agreed to pay on like Cable, utilities, Ins etc..
Because we have five children between us we were needing a bigger vehicle as ours were too small so we went in together on a large older model SUV that we would split the payment on.
A few months after we were married she came to me and wanted to change careers and pursue something that made her happy but would cut her pay in half. She told me she would need help in covering her share of the "split" and it would be a small amount. I agreed but didn't get the specifics..stupid me.
Last October I found out she didn't have one CC but four. All with small amounts of debt ($300-$700). I was very concerned and she told me she was over her head and was a few months behind in all of them. I volunteered to take them and catch them up. She agreed and handed me the CC saying she wouldn't use them anymore, which she hasn't. Just before Christmas she didn't want me to pay on her CC anymore and was feeling guilty about it. She would keep them current and pay them off with her tax return. This month we tried financing a house and found she had collection agencies after her.
She has- let traffic tickets go unpaid and didn't have the money -so I paid them. Did not have the money for her part of the car-so I paid it. Didn't have her share of the rent so we were late. Has spent too much on her checking account and went in overdraft- which I caught her up..
Whenever we talk about money she gets tense and defensive. She has offered to hand her money to me and let me do the budgeting but this hasn't happened. I don't get it. She is an intelligent lady that has two college degrees and I didn't even finish HS and went into a trade.
We have had other issues and have brought up divorce and counseling before but seem to work it out or maybe I'm wrong and we just push it aside. I'm not sure how to approach the $$ thing with her. I love her and want her to be happy but don't want to feel like a walking wallet and the only one that is conservative with our money. We have had other issues that brought a lot of grief and I'm worried this will blow up and don't know how to go about approaching it.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
My first post here so I will try and give my story and be on point but I tend to "wander" when I write so please be patient. :)
She is 40, I am 44 and both my wife and I we're married once before and divorced for the same reason due to a cheating spouse. We both state that we were the financial "decider" in our previous marriage with little to no input from significant other.
To some, we had too short a time dating/engagement. We started dating in June 13 and was engaged by Jan. 14 and married in March that year. Not a lot of time to get to know someone casually.
Getting to know each other I thought she really had things under control. She had a decent paying job and received almost that much with child support and alimony. We would discuss our financial personalities and how we saved/spent money and seemed like we really were in tune.
When we married:
She "brought home" a little more then I did a month.
I had no debt other then $800 that I owed in Fed taxes. had an emergency cash fund, checking/savings accounts and paid for most things with cash.
She had a car payment, student loans, and a small CC loan (I thought). We have a joint account that we use for the shared bills and our own acc. that we use for the things we have that we agreed to pay on like Cable, utilities, Ins etc..
Because we have five children between us we were needing a bigger vehicle as ours were too small so we went in together on a large older model SUV that we would split the payment on.
A few months after we were married she came to me and wanted to change careers and pursue something that made her happy but would cut her pay in half. She told me she would need help in covering her share of the "split" and it would be a small amount. I agreed but didn't get the specifics..stupid me.
Last October I found out she didn't have one CC but four. All with small amounts of debt ($300-$700). I was very concerned and she told me she was over her head and was a few months behind in all of them. I volunteered to take them and catch them up. She agreed and handed me the CC saying she wouldn't use them anymore, which she hasn't. Just before Christmas she didn't want me to pay on her CC anymore and was feeling guilty about it. She would keep them current and pay them off with her tax return. This month we tried financing a house and found she had collection agencies after her.
She has- let traffic tickets go unpaid and didn't have the money -so I paid them. Did not have the money for her part of the car-so I paid it. Didn't have her share of the rent so we were late. Has spent too much on her checking account and went in overdraft- which I caught her up..
Whenever we talk about money she gets tense and defensive. She has offered to hand her money to me and let me do the budgeting but this hasn't happened. I don't get it. She is an intelligent lady that has two college degrees and I didn't even finish HS and went into a trade.
We have had other issues and have brought up divorce and counseling before but seem to work it out or maybe I'm wrong and we just push it aside. I'm not sure how to approach the $$ thing with her. I love her and want her to be happy but don't want to feel like a walking wallet and the only one that is conservative with our money. We have had other issues that brought a lot of grief and I'm worried this will blow up and don't know how to go about approaching it.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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