My brother (M30) and his girlfriend (F26) are having issues. They have been together for 5 years, lived together for 3 years. She quit her job early year 2 of living together and was unemployed for over a year, finally securing employment 8 months ago at a job position she still currently holds:
year 1 - dating, living at home
year 2 - dating, living at home
year 3 - he bought house, she moved in
year 4 - she quit job and sat at home for the year
year 5 - she got new job, working there 8 months now
She has NOT contributed financially to the house or bills, but occasionally she pays for about half of the food. He has supported her financially throughout the relationship, so she went from mom and dad's house to my brothers house directly, always having someone to pay for her lifestyle.
My brother is a saver. Always has been.
She has debt. She never finished her college, and has never paid off her debt. Still, she spends money faster than she makes it. She has very few responsibilities (she does have a cell phone bill, credit card debt) and her parents just bought her a used car, so she has just added insurance and basic auto expenses to her plate.
My brother has been patient with her. After she had been working for a while, he brought up money, and how he would appreciate her helping more with the finances. Nothing changed, and they've since had that same conversation a dozen times. It's like his money is their money, collectively, but her money is her money.
Recently, she has been acting strange.
- She's claiming to be bored all the time.
- She started going to the gym a lot.
- She gives attitude. (example: 2 weeks ago, my brother got a parking ticket for parking on his street. This happened because the GF started parking her new car in his driveway, without leaving him room to park. He called her and asked her if she could move her car over slightly, enough so both cars could fit. She freaked out and yelled at him to get rid of his other car, because why should she have to move her car...instead of moving her car over slightly so he could park his car in HIS driveway, where it's been parked for 3 years before she got her own car).
- She's going on lavish spa and chalet "girls weekends", even after the countless conversations about money, and she still contributes nothing to the household.
After the car issue above, they got in a fight, she packed her crap and left for the weekend. She came back and he's trying to fix things with her.
A week and a half after the car issue, the latest turmoil is:
- she just told him this weekend she's thinking of going to a bar with 4 or 5 guys, dudes he's never met before, for Superbowl. He's wasn't invited, and still hasn't been.
This just happened yesterday. The day before, he told her he would like to help her pay off some of her debt, and she could pay him back weekly. When she told him about the "going out to a bar with 5 guys" he told her that he's not comfortable with that situation and also, what is the point of helping her pay off debt if she's only going to keep spending money.
She said "So you're only trying to help me pay off debt so you can control me and my friends?" He said "friends??, I don't even know these guys".
He feels like over the last few months it's been increasingly feeling like he doesn't know this person anymore. I think he's become her new daddy, paying for her lifestyle, and I also see huge red flags here lately...of course, he wants other opinions.
I work with him every day and I'm watching him fall apart over this. He wants unbiased opinions, so I tried encouraging him to post here at TAM. He is aware I am posting this and any help you random TAM'ers can provide will help him a great deal.
He's gonna read this thread when he gets home. He left early because he's having bad anxiety. He said none of this makes sense, and he doesn't feel like she's the same person anymore...I told him it never makes sense when you don't have the whole story/truth...it's like trying to solve a math equation without all the numerals, too many questions.
year 1 - dating, living at home
year 2 - dating, living at home
year 3 - he bought house, she moved in
year 4 - she quit job and sat at home for the year
year 5 - she got new job, working there 8 months now
She has NOT contributed financially to the house or bills, but occasionally she pays for about half of the food. He has supported her financially throughout the relationship, so she went from mom and dad's house to my brothers house directly, always having someone to pay for her lifestyle.
My brother is a saver. Always has been.
She has debt. She never finished her college, and has never paid off her debt. Still, she spends money faster than she makes it. She has very few responsibilities (she does have a cell phone bill, credit card debt) and her parents just bought her a used car, so she has just added insurance and basic auto expenses to her plate.
My brother has been patient with her. After she had been working for a while, he brought up money, and how he would appreciate her helping more with the finances. Nothing changed, and they've since had that same conversation a dozen times. It's like his money is their money, collectively, but her money is her money.
Recently, she has been acting strange.
- She's claiming to be bored all the time.
- She started going to the gym a lot.
- She gives attitude. (example: 2 weeks ago, my brother got a parking ticket for parking on his street. This happened because the GF started parking her new car in his driveway, without leaving him room to park. He called her and asked her if she could move her car over slightly, enough so both cars could fit. She freaked out and yelled at him to get rid of his other car, because why should she have to move her car...instead of moving her car over slightly so he could park his car in HIS driveway, where it's been parked for 3 years before she got her own car).
- She's going on lavish spa and chalet "girls weekends", even after the countless conversations about money, and she still contributes nothing to the household.
After the car issue above, they got in a fight, she packed her crap and left for the weekend. She came back and he's trying to fix things with her.
A week and a half after the car issue, the latest turmoil is:
- she just told him this weekend she's thinking of going to a bar with 4 or 5 guys, dudes he's never met before, for Superbowl. He's wasn't invited, and still hasn't been.
This just happened yesterday. The day before, he told her he would like to help her pay off some of her debt, and she could pay him back weekly. When she told him about the "going out to a bar with 5 guys" he told her that he's not comfortable with that situation and also, what is the point of helping her pay off debt if she's only going to keep spending money.
She said "So you're only trying to help me pay off debt so you can control me and my friends?" He said "friends??, I don't even know these guys".
He feels like over the last few months it's been increasingly feeling like he doesn't know this person anymore. I think he's become her new daddy, paying for her lifestyle, and I also see huge red flags here lately...of course, he wants other opinions.
I work with him every day and I'm watching him fall apart over this. He wants unbiased opinions, so I tried encouraging him to post here at TAM. He is aware I am posting this and any help you random TAM'ers can provide will help him a great deal.
He's gonna read this thread when he gets home. He left early because he's having bad anxiety. He said none of this makes sense, and he doesn't feel like she's the same person anymore...I told him it never makes sense when you don't have the whole story/truth...it's like trying to solve a math equation without all the numerals, too many questions.
Put the internet to work for you.
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