For the past year or so things between my husband and i went very sour. We tried for about a year to work on things, but we couldn't fix the distance that had grown between us and fell out of love.
Around christmas i got talking to this guy on a meetup group i run. It was all very friendly and then we became friends on fb. He too had been through a separation and then divorce so he became someone i confided in a bit the more we spoke and we get on very well. The more i spoke to this guy and felt drawn to him the more i thought things with my husband and i just needed to end. One particular day i went to sit down with him and tell him and he actually came out and just said we need to end things i think it is for the best, so we separated. I never really feel like i have been with a guy who has truly treated me right or i have been made to feel special by. I think this is part of why i started to feel drawn to this other guy, he paid me attention that i had lacked for so long.
We continued speaking for a few weeks but he was away for a business trip. We got very carried away with our contact and we started to speak on the phone daily also. I think i put him on a bit of a pedestal. We appeared to have all the same interests and views on everything, we laughed about all the same things, and it just felt very natural and comfortable. I felt an extreme connection and all the things i appear to want in a guy (qualities, personality traits, physical attraction from pictures, he fitted).
After he got back into town i felt things changed a bit. His flirting died down a lot, but every once in a while he would still say things that made me think he was interested. We still spoke daily and we had said from the very beginning that when he was back in town we should meet up. He contacted me one particular day and suggested meeting for dinner, which we did. In person i felt extremely shy and nervous. I think it was because i had put such high expectations on it and was so worried he wouldn't like me. Conversation between us was okay and after the meal we went back to his apartment for 4 hours. During this time we cuddled and he asked me if i felt he treated me nicer than my ex as he knows a lot of how my ex treated me. I thought this was a good sign and showed interest on his part in wanting me to feel treated nicely by him.
Nothing else happened between us and after the date i went home. We still continued daily after that to talk which of course still gave me hope, and then one day he came out and told me he just wanted to be friends. He told me that he finds me incredibly attractive (which i do believe because he tells me this all the time), but he did not feel a spark between us on the date. I thought it was a bit of a snap decision because it was the first date, and i wanted us to spend more time together and go on more dates because i feel like people are always a bit nervous on the first date, and then after meeting once relax a bit, but i told him that for whatever reason i guess he had made his mind up and i couldn't change it so fair enough. He said he really likes me as a person and wants to be friends and still see each other. He also felt it necessary to tell me if i ever wanted a bit of the other he would be up for that (so very nice of him).
We have still continued to talk daily, and the other day he proceeded to tell me all about this girl back in his hometown who he really likes but she is with someone. He said that if she was willing to leave her boyfriend, he would go back to his hometown in a heartbeat to be with her. I felt this was a bit of a smack in the face seems i like him, and after him telling me about it i had to take a bit of time because i didn't want to go back and say something i regretted or get annoyed about it. I told him that i really hope that they end up together if that is who he wants because he is a lovely guy and i would like to see him happy, but it was a bit inconsiderate to my feelings to which he said he was very sorry and has a big mouth and didn't think and shouldn't have said it. I then said to him it is good though that he told me because it helps me get over liking him knowing that he likes another girl so much and would make me wary of pursuing anything with him, to which he seemed to not like me saying too much. I said to him what does it matter to you if you see no potential with me to which he said "I guess it doesn't, i see potential but i don't think we are going to act on it because it isn't enough for me."
Over the weekend i decided not to message, and he never messaged me either and now i am just left feeling pretty upset. I know this sounds really trivial and i am not sure why i am taking it so hard that he said he just wants to be friends. I really wasn't expecting to meet anyone right now, and i started to get attached due to how much we have in common, only for him to do a complete 360 on me, and i am not sure what is best now.
He is on my fb and i always want to talk to him whenever he is online like we always have done, but at the same time continuing to talk isn't helping me either. I am not sure if he said he just wanted to be friends to deliver the not interested news in a nicer way, and really has no intentions of staying friends. I am not sure if i am just lonely and longing for that special someone i have never seemed to find, and he seemed to fit what i wanted to perfectly only for the fantasy to not be real at all. I don't really have many people to talk to so thought i would share this here.
Around christmas i got talking to this guy on a meetup group i run. It was all very friendly and then we became friends on fb. He too had been through a separation and then divorce so he became someone i confided in a bit the more we spoke and we get on very well. The more i spoke to this guy and felt drawn to him the more i thought things with my husband and i just needed to end. One particular day i went to sit down with him and tell him and he actually came out and just said we need to end things i think it is for the best, so we separated. I never really feel like i have been with a guy who has truly treated me right or i have been made to feel special by. I think this is part of why i started to feel drawn to this other guy, he paid me attention that i had lacked for so long.
We continued speaking for a few weeks but he was away for a business trip. We got very carried away with our contact and we started to speak on the phone daily also. I think i put him on a bit of a pedestal. We appeared to have all the same interests and views on everything, we laughed about all the same things, and it just felt very natural and comfortable. I felt an extreme connection and all the things i appear to want in a guy (qualities, personality traits, physical attraction from pictures, he fitted).
After he got back into town i felt things changed a bit. His flirting died down a lot, but every once in a while he would still say things that made me think he was interested. We still spoke daily and we had said from the very beginning that when he was back in town we should meet up. He contacted me one particular day and suggested meeting for dinner, which we did. In person i felt extremely shy and nervous. I think it was because i had put such high expectations on it and was so worried he wouldn't like me. Conversation between us was okay and after the meal we went back to his apartment for 4 hours. During this time we cuddled and he asked me if i felt he treated me nicer than my ex as he knows a lot of how my ex treated me. I thought this was a good sign and showed interest on his part in wanting me to feel treated nicely by him.
Nothing else happened between us and after the date i went home. We still continued daily after that to talk which of course still gave me hope, and then one day he came out and told me he just wanted to be friends. He told me that he finds me incredibly attractive (which i do believe because he tells me this all the time), but he did not feel a spark between us on the date. I thought it was a bit of a snap decision because it was the first date, and i wanted us to spend more time together and go on more dates because i feel like people are always a bit nervous on the first date, and then after meeting once relax a bit, but i told him that for whatever reason i guess he had made his mind up and i couldn't change it so fair enough. He said he really likes me as a person and wants to be friends and still see each other. He also felt it necessary to tell me if i ever wanted a bit of the other he would be up for that (so very nice of him).
We have still continued to talk daily, and the other day he proceeded to tell me all about this girl back in his hometown who he really likes but she is with someone. He said that if she was willing to leave her boyfriend, he would go back to his hometown in a heartbeat to be with her. I felt this was a bit of a smack in the face seems i like him, and after him telling me about it i had to take a bit of time because i didn't want to go back and say something i regretted or get annoyed about it. I told him that i really hope that they end up together if that is who he wants because he is a lovely guy and i would like to see him happy, but it was a bit inconsiderate to my feelings to which he said he was very sorry and has a big mouth and didn't think and shouldn't have said it. I then said to him it is good though that he told me because it helps me get over liking him knowing that he likes another girl so much and would make me wary of pursuing anything with him, to which he seemed to not like me saying too much. I said to him what does it matter to you if you see no potential with me to which he said "I guess it doesn't, i see potential but i don't think we are going to act on it because it isn't enough for me."
Over the weekend i decided not to message, and he never messaged me either and now i am just left feeling pretty upset. I know this sounds really trivial and i am not sure why i am taking it so hard that he said he just wants to be friends. I really wasn't expecting to meet anyone right now, and i started to get attached due to how much we have in common, only for him to do a complete 360 on me, and i am not sure what is best now.
He is on my fb and i always want to talk to him whenever he is online like we always have done, but at the same time continuing to talk isn't helping me either. I am not sure if he said he just wanted to be friends to deliver the not interested news in a nicer way, and really has no intentions of staying friends. I am not sure if i am just lonely and longing for that special someone i have never seemed to find, and he seemed to fit what i wanted to perfectly only for the fantasy to not be real at all. I don't really have many people to talk to so thought i would share this here.
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