Does anyone have any success stories? My husband and I have only been married 4 years and we are in counseling now. I would like to think he can change, but so far I don't see any glimpse of proof.
We have a one year old son and ever since he was born, I have taken a "I am not going to let you ruin our son" mentality. I wish I would have said the same thing about ruining me and left him, but my perceptions were shaded before I was a mother.
My husband has not officially been diagnosed as an alcoholic or with depression, but as a step-daughter of an alcoholic, I know. Our therapist met with us one-on-one last week and I saw she had written the title of a book on the back of a business card about addiction. So I know he has an addition problem.
It really isn't the drinking that bothers me. It's his alcoholic personality. He really does not drink often. He drinks several (8?) beers or glasses of wine on Friday and Saturday evenings. That's about it. Sure he is rude when he drinks, but he is rude when he is sober.
What I can't stand are his attempts to control everything about me and when he can't, he has this "Oh poor me" mentality. I am in school getting my PhD and it is like I asked him to saw his arm off. Everything bad in his life (and he thinks his life is pretty bad despite evidence to the contrary) is because I am getting my PhD. I don't make enough money, so we can't live in a bigger house, and we can't have as nice of cars, and he can't retire when he's 55. Plus, he constantly says I am ungrateful and self-centered. When I call him out on his ****, he is quick to attack me. Even just day-to-day conversation with him is a struggle. His tone is nasty or he constantly is "just joking"
He controls the money, he knows if I spent a penny and on what, but I really don't know what he spends money on, I can look, but I really don't care. Every time I do spend money, though, he has something to say about it. It doesn't matter if it's on clothing or diapers. But he constantly spends money on crap that I hate (cigarettes and alcohol). He buys trucks I think are impractical and constantly switches them out for another one. The real stickler is that I am pretty frugal and I stick to the budget probably 90% of the time. Oh yeah, he determines the budget. He even makes comments about the two diet sodas I drink a day. "Let's just try one," he says.
Basically, I just can't stand him very much anymore. I feel badly, because I know he is just depressed and fearful, but that doesn't mean he can treat everyone like crap. I am not really wanting to stick around much longer.
Our son is only one, but any day now I know he will not only see this crap, but may be a victim of it. This terrifies me. I grew up in a divorced situation and I don't want to put my son through that. At the same time, I want to be happy and have my son see my happiness and what true respect looks like, but even if we got divorced, my son will still have my husband as a father.
Which is why I want to know...is there anyone out there that has overcome addiction or mental health issues?
We have a one year old son and ever since he was born, I have taken a "I am not going to let you ruin our son" mentality. I wish I would have said the same thing about ruining me and left him, but my perceptions were shaded before I was a mother.
My husband has not officially been diagnosed as an alcoholic or with depression, but as a step-daughter of an alcoholic, I know. Our therapist met with us one-on-one last week and I saw she had written the title of a book on the back of a business card about addiction. So I know he has an addition problem.
It really isn't the drinking that bothers me. It's his alcoholic personality. He really does not drink often. He drinks several (8?) beers or glasses of wine on Friday and Saturday evenings. That's about it. Sure he is rude when he drinks, but he is rude when he is sober.
What I can't stand are his attempts to control everything about me and when he can't, he has this "Oh poor me" mentality. I am in school getting my PhD and it is like I asked him to saw his arm off. Everything bad in his life (and he thinks his life is pretty bad despite evidence to the contrary) is because I am getting my PhD. I don't make enough money, so we can't live in a bigger house, and we can't have as nice of cars, and he can't retire when he's 55. Plus, he constantly says I am ungrateful and self-centered. When I call him out on his ****, he is quick to attack me. Even just day-to-day conversation with him is a struggle. His tone is nasty or he constantly is "just joking"
He controls the money, he knows if I spent a penny and on what, but I really don't know what he spends money on, I can look, but I really don't care. Every time I do spend money, though, he has something to say about it. It doesn't matter if it's on clothing or diapers. But he constantly spends money on crap that I hate (cigarettes and alcohol). He buys trucks I think are impractical and constantly switches them out for another one. The real stickler is that I am pretty frugal and I stick to the budget probably 90% of the time. Oh yeah, he determines the budget. He even makes comments about the two diet sodas I drink a day. "Let's just try one," he says.
Basically, I just can't stand him very much anymore. I feel badly, because I know he is just depressed and fearful, but that doesn't mean he can treat everyone like crap. I am not really wanting to stick around much longer.
Our son is only one, but any day now I know he will not only see this crap, but may be a victim of it. This terrifies me. I grew up in a divorced situation and I don't want to put my son through that. At the same time, I want to be happy and have my son see my happiness and what true respect looks like, but even if we got divorced, my son will still have my husband as a father.
Which is why I want to know...is there anyone out there that has overcome addiction or mental health issues?
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