Hi there,
I have posted several times, last quite a few months ago. Sorry for the length in advance.
My relationship of 13 years (marriage of 6) went down the tubes about 3 years ago when I was in full time PA school and my husband lost his job due to irresponsibility (tardiness). He blamed my then 2 year old daughter for this (she was "difficult") and me for going to school. I was also pregnant with our second child at the time. I never thought I would get a divorce or separate, but I found myself very angry about this. Through counseling, I have come to realize my anger stems from the fact that he didn't make amends, take responsibility (and still doesn't), or take action to get our family back on track.
Since this time, I graduated from PA school and have a great job. He was refusing to get a job and was thus, a "stay at home dad" by default. I was paying for everything and still coming home cooking and cleaning and caring for kids. They are now 5 and 2. I became very depressed. He is addicted to fantasy sports and he essentially grows quite angry if someone interrupts him while he's "involved" in "setting up [his] teams." He has been overtly emotionally and verbally abusive to me.
After much soul-searching (over a year), I decided separation was the best approach. I moved out about 2 weeks ago with the kids. (Oh, and amazingly, he got a job immediately after 3 years of not working) I have attempted to set up parenting schedule with him and yet he refuses to do so. The kids are with me every day and night (I work, but take them to school/daycare and also pick up from afterschool program and daycare). He sometimes visits for 30 minutes at night. They stayed at his house 2 days last weekend because my brother died in a rollover car accident. Yet while I was at the funeral, he was texting me as to whether I was going to come get them after the funeral. My daughter keeps saying, "I don't like Daddy's house. I don't want to go. I want to stay with Mommy." Last night, I had a divorce support group meeting and he had to take over and put them to bed. He took them to my house and put them to bed. When I got home, he glared at me and said, "You cost me money ton ight. Because of you, I couldn't play in any of the tournaments I qualified for."
I am not sure what to do. If he doesn't want to set up time with his kids, I can't make him. But these are HIS KIDS. He is trying to punish me for moving out. He keeps saying, "I'm not taking care of the kids so you can go out with your friends. I'm done with that." Obviously, he's angry.
I don't know what to do. Do I just contact his family directly to see if they want to see the kids? The last thing I want to do is not have them see their grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin. That would hurt them even more.
I guess I'm just at a loss. I'm doing the best I can, providing for my family, trying to help them adjust, and attempting to be civil with him. Will time help or does it just seem that he's going to be immature?
I have posted several times, last quite a few months ago. Sorry for the length in advance.
My relationship of 13 years (marriage of 6) went down the tubes about 3 years ago when I was in full time PA school and my husband lost his job due to irresponsibility (tardiness). He blamed my then 2 year old daughter for this (she was "difficult") and me for going to school. I was also pregnant with our second child at the time. I never thought I would get a divorce or separate, but I found myself very angry about this. Through counseling, I have come to realize my anger stems from the fact that he didn't make amends, take responsibility (and still doesn't), or take action to get our family back on track.
Since this time, I graduated from PA school and have a great job. He was refusing to get a job and was thus, a "stay at home dad" by default. I was paying for everything and still coming home cooking and cleaning and caring for kids. They are now 5 and 2. I became very depressed. He is addicted to fantasy sports and he essentially grows quite angry if someone interrupts him while he's "involved" in "setting up [his] teams." He has been overtly emotionally and verbally abusive to me.
After much soul-searching (over a year), I decided separation was the best approach. I moved out about 2 weeks ago with the kids. (Oh, and amazingly, he got a job immediately after 3 years of not working) I have attempted to set up parenting schedule with him and yet he refuses to do so. The kids are with me every day and night (I work, but take them to school/daycare and also pick up from afterschool program and daycare). He sometimes visits for 30 minutes at night. They stayed at his house 2 days last weekend because my brother died in a rollover car accident. Yet while I was at the funeral, he was texting me as to whether I was going to come get them after the funeral. My daughter keeps saying, "I don't like Daddy's house. I don't want to go. I want to stay with Mommy." Last night, I had a divorce support group meeting and he had to take over and put them to bed. He took them to my house and put them to bed. When I got home, he glared at me and said, "You cost me money ton ight. Because of you, I couldn't play in any of the tournaments I qualified for."
I am not sure what to do. If he doesn't want to set up time with his kids, I can't make him. But these are HIS KIDS. He is trying to punish me for moving out. He keeps saying, "I'm not taking care of the kids so you can go out with your friends. I'm done with that." Obviously, he's angry.
I don't know what to do. Do I just contact his family directly to see if they want to see the kids? The last thing I want to do is not have them see their grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin. That would hurt them even more.
I guess I'm just at a loss. I'm doing the best I can, providing for my family, trying to help them adjust, and attempting to be civil with him. Will time help or does it just seem that he's going to be immature?
Put the internet to work for you.
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