Help,
My husband and I have been married for close to 25 years. He has always been the sole provider and I was in charge on kids and house. We are both college graduates, but I have never worked in my career field.
Our marriage, I thought, was good. We have had many challenges over our time together; child with cancer, another child with depression issues. I have always felt like he just let me take care of things regarding the kids because he needed to work. (I would consider him a workaholic)
Two years ago he admitted to pursuing a long distance relationship with an old girlfriend. I knew he was acting different, but did not know why. He came to me and told me about inappropriate phone conversations, texts, etc.. He denies meeting up with this old girlfriend and I have tried to put that in the past and move forward.
When he brought the news about the old girlfriend to me I began seeing a counselor. I thought there was something wrong with me and that something in me was missing that he went elsewhere to find. The counselor said that he was missing something in himself to look elsewhere. Anyway, long story short....I started going to counseling; mostly alone as he had to work.....the counseling uncovered that my dh really had used work to escape the responsibility of dealing with our life of sick kids and the stress it caused me.
I have been back in forth in counseling over the past two years; beginning to understand that I had shut myself off to be the person needed to take care of the medical issues...non-stop for 15 plus years, so that my dh could escape by working late hours. I have been the one to arrange medical appointments, follow through on therapies, etc..
We currently experienced another crisis with our mental health child and he blames me for the problems. He tells me that he "doesn't trust that I don't exaggerate things to make a better story" This is absolutely untrue; this life is bad enough without editing. He says that he has not been more involved with the medical issues because "he cannot trust what I tell him regarding these issues" DH refuses to listen to medical professionals that this child needs additional long term help. (At least SIX doctors at top hospital)
I know that I am NOT crazy and NOT making things up. The doctors at this hospital contact ME directly making decisions regarding the child and acknowledge that they are aware that staff and I are on the same page for treatment, but DH is in complete denial. He refused to accept that child needed long term help, so child was placed in 24/7 facility while he was out of town last week.
When DH found out about child placement he was furious. He accused me of "just wanting to be rid of child, making up reasons to get rid child, etc." When I calmly stated the facts of the situation he did agree, but then claimed I had "not done enough research on facilities". When I asked what his research had found, of course he had nothing but the "but I have to work, don't have time"
When he arrived home from out of town he again expressed his disgust with what I had done "behind his back". He has told me that I need to make some changes so that he "can want to support my decisions" and until I can "quit elaborating on the situation" and "get my stories straight" that he WILL NOT stand behind me for anything.
I know this is long. I hope it makes sense. I am emotionally exhausted and receive respect from my friends, my co-workers, the medical staff for the kids' needs and MY family. (I do believe his family thinks I exaggerate and make things up.....so they are not supportive)
Please give me some ideas. I feel like he has given up on me "Unless" I make some changes. I acknowledge I am not perfect, but I am also not in denial. I need emotional support more than ever right now and feel like this has moved from him ignoring reality to dragging me down about my decisions.
My husband and I have been married for close to 25 years. He has always been the sole provider and I was in charge on kids and house. We are both college graduates, but I have never worked in my career field.
Our marriage, I thought, was good. We have had many challenges over our time together; child with cancer, another child with depression issues. I have always felt like he just let me take care of things regarding the kids because he needed to work. (I would consider him a workaholic)
Two years ago he admitted to pursuing a long distance relationship with an old girlfriend. I knew he was acting different, but did not know why. He came to me and told me about inappropriate phone conversations, texts, etc.. He denies meeting up with this old girlfriend and I have tried to put that in the past and move forward.
When he brought the news about the old girlfriend to me I began seeing a counselor. I thought there was something wrong with me and that something in me was missing that he went elsewhere to find. The counselor said that he was missing something in himself to look elsewhere. Anyway, long story short....I started going to counseling; mostly alone as he had to work.....the counseling uncovered that my dh really had used work to escape the responsibility of dealing with our life of sick kids and the stress it caused me.
I have been back in forth in counseling over the past two years; beginning to understand that I had shut myself off to be the person needed to take care of the medical issues...non-stop for 15 plus years, so that my dh could escape by working late hours. I have been the one to arrange medical appointments, follow through on therapies, etc..
We currently experienced another crisis with our mental health child and he blames me for the problems. He tells me that he "doesn't trust that I don't exaggerate things to make a better story" This is absolutely untrue; this life is bad enough without editing. He says that he has not been more involved with the medical issues because "he cannot trust what I tell him regarding these issues" DH refuses to listen to medical professionals that this child needs additional long term help. (At least SIX doctors at top hospital)
I know that I am NOT crazy and NOT making things up. The doctors at this hospital contact ME directly making decisions regarding the child and acknowledge that they are aware that staff and I are on the same page for treatment, but DH is in complete denial. He refused to accept that child needed long term help, so child was placed in 24/7 facility while he was out of town last week.
When DH found out about child placement he was furious. He accused me of "just wanting to be rid of child, making up reasons to get rid child, etc." When I calmly stated the facts of the situation he did agree, but then claimed I had "not done enough research on facilities". When I asked what his research had found, of course he had nothing but the "but I have to work, don't have time"
When he arrived home from out of town he again expressed his disgust with what I had done "behind his back". He has told me that I need to make some changes so that he "can want to support my decisions" and until I can "quit elaborating on the situation" and "get my stories straight" that he WILL NOT stand behind me for anything.
I know this is long. I hope it makes sense. I am emotionally exhausted and receive respect from my friends, my co-workers, the medical staff for the kids' needs and MY family. (I do believe his family thinks I exaggerate and make things up.....so they are not supportive)
Please give me some ideas. I feel like he has given up on me "Unless" I make some changes. I acknowledge I am not perfect, but I am also not in denial. I need emotional support more than ever right now and feel like this has moved from him ignoring reality to dragging me down about my decisions.
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