hi!
though the story is quite long, I hope not to make the read too lengthy...
I've always been quite a shy child, grew up with a sense of sensibility (I hope:p) I don't go clubbing, never been drunk, study at a good uni... I've had a few jobs in my life, so hardly ever ask my parents for anything, though I live at home due to my uni's location. When I was 19, my boyfriend (now my ex, we were together for 4 years) decided to go away for a weekend to see a different town. I didn't ask my parents for money, just told my mum of our plans.. she's met this boy, showed signs to liking him, was never against the relationship. though her reaction to our weekend away was to become absolutely livid, without coherent explanation of what's wrong. I wasn't asking for money, it did not interrupt any other plans... in a few attempts to calmly discuss what's wrong I found out it's all about sex. How the definite scenario of me going away would be me coming back pregnant and her basically supporting me and my out-of-marriage child, how my bf will abandon me and no-one w ill want a woman with a child to marry. how I just want a "honey moon" and what will come out of this is what I described earlier. This made me really upset, although I understand there is some sense behind that, but come on, you don't have to go away with someone in order to have sex... you don't have to spend the night with someone in order to have sex.... so all that doom could have already happened in the 2 years we were together at that point. I wasn't a virgin at 19, we've been intimate for under 2 years then, but my mum didn't know of course. I also understand there is a safety concern etc... I tried to reason that, saying how I'll keep two phones on me, how she can have his parents' phone numbers and know where we'll be going, in case of emergencies. I never go missing for days, I always let her know my whereabouts so she doesn't worry.
So eventually, after about a month, she became alright with the idea and me and my ex made plans and booked everything. The day before we planned to go, she began to get a bit "I shouldn't have allowed this"-mood. By the time my boyfriend came, she was angry again, made some comment about his suitcase, but we went out of the door before she got hysterical. The whole trip I contacted her, she was edgy but ok. Then when I came back she didn't talk to me for a couple of days but calmed down without a confrontation.
The reason for all this prelude was just to paint a picture of the experience I had, honestly it traumatised me. This was 3 years ago. My ex and I broke up, I began a relationship with an old friend of mine, whom she knows as well, though we're long distance. This means we see each other every 2-3 months, but we're serious and been together for nearly a year. In the autumn of last year we went away for a few days, we went to Paris. In light of my past trauma, I decided to tell her I'll be going away with my girl friends and she was completely supportive, was like yeah yeah go have fun. Didn't even ask to see pictures afterwards or anything, never questioned me. It was so easy to lie, I understand the risks, but honestly I believe it was for everybody's sanity. I couldn't imagine going through that whole ordeal again. Then my boyfriend visited me and my family and my mum knew and was fine with it, she likes him as well. The next time we'd see each other officially would be in August... we have the whole of July free, and I found a summer school in Europe which specialises in the subject I do at uni... I decided it would be the perfect thing, we could go on a study holiday together, but still be with each other... I told my mum and she was fine, like yeah brilliant go! even offered to pay for it, even though I've saved up money from my placement year. So we decided to go for over 3 weeks, spend 1 week travelling, then study and travel some more. We booked everything, a few days ago we arranged a place to live, he arranged flights.... we were so looking forward to it. And today I get an email from the school saying there's not enough interest in the course so they're cancelling it :(:(:( I was so disappointed and my boyfriend was upset too, because now it would make it harder to see each other for these weeks... If I told my mum it's cancelled I'd have the old scenario again, where I'm going just for the sake of having sex with my boyfriend and get ting pregnant which will DEFINITELY happen and my life will be ruined. Because such thing as sightseeing or tourism does not exist :S On the other hand, if I lie again and say it's going ahead, my boyfriend doesn't like that.... he doesn't like me lying to her, he feels somewhat that we're sneaking and she's against us, which she really is not, it's just this thing she has in her head. He's worried she'll find out, because I won't have a certificate from that course (I don't even think she expects one or will ask to see it, but you never know) and that she'll be against us if she finds out we lied.
Please give some advice, I'm so crushed I don't know what to do... long distance is already hard enough without all this, I don't want to justify why I can't just wait a bit and see my bf in August like planned, because that's enough apparently. I don't want my boyfriend to feel bad, I feel like I've betrayed him, but I realise it's not my fault something got cancelled... I don't want to burden him with the relationship I have with my mother.
Put the internet to work for you.
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