- She is only friends with guys and her best friend is a guy who is a scientist nerd who she lies in bed with and hugs. But she says she would never ever have sex with him. After her breakup these friends drove halfway across the country to collect her stuff for her and take her home. I think she may be using them, somewhat.
- Her dad died when she was 18 and she has never forgotten, she talks about it a lot. Her mum has married 3 times and is now having an affair with an old married man, she is in her fifties. She hates her mum and she has said she was never a good mother, her mother is an emotional mess. Their parents had a troubled marriage and she was sent through the family courts as a child. She has 4 younger siblings and she does not know how many half siblings she has. She looks after the two youngest as if they were her own. She seems very stressed about how she has to effectively look after them as if they were her own. She gives her little sister dinner money and has to look after the boys as if they were her own children a lot of the time. We talk openly to each other about our past and ou r lives.
- When I want to hug her or care, she refuses. She is very attracted to me, but she states that even if she is very attracted she can never love because she is 'emotionally retarded'. "When there is a fwb someone always catches feelings". I told her that it is not wrong to care and she said "no". When I went for a hug she said "No, you don't seem like the type to hug/cuddle". When I carry her around she said "Noooo, this is what married couples do" and I kept saying "lightweighttt" to stop it being awkward. As soon as I start wanting to hold her to make her feel better emotionally (even though she is fine with hugging as long as its for physical reasons)... she tries and destroys it and she only wants me to tease her and have sex with her. It confuses me, it really does. She uses me for sex and a tease, she uses the other guy to drive her around and be her shoulder to cry on. So in effect different people for different needs. Why can't one man fulfill all those needs? Why must she share herself like that amongst several men? I just want some form of intimacy apart from just sex and talk. We have a very very similar upbringing and life. We are very very similar people. She has a male scientist nerd orbiter as a 'best friend', and she does not know, but I also had a female scientist nerd orbiting best friend who I friendzoned.
- She puts herself down a lot saying how she is geeky, dorky and how it is not hot. How she got called ugly in school and did not even party with people her age until 18 (she is 23 now). Whenever I say I find her hot regardless of that she always distances herself. Like I told her I found her natural hair colour and dorkiness hot and she just said "my exes never found that hot" "No you really wouldn't find it hot, its a really muddy hair colour". I also said that I didn't like the fake look and how i would like her naturally without any makeup and she seemed a bit taken aback and tried to convince me that i really would not. Like I tell her how much I want her for who she is but she always pushes me away.
- I tease her a lot and she seems to like that. I call her a dork and say I find it hot, I poke her and say she has a zit on her face. She seems to prefer this to actual affection, weirdly. She just calls me a dick and then we make out. When i was leaving I said "See you later stresshead" when she did not want to kiss or hug. Yet she buttons my cuff up for me and helps me put my coat on (wtf). She is just so confusing with stuff like this. The sex is always very passionate and intense, but she always distances herself afterwards, gets dressed quickly and does not want to hug.
- I would look out for her and I would care even if it is not an official relationship. But, she just seems so over the top with avoiding intimacy, head in her hands after sex when she thought i could not see. I can see the pain in her eyes but she refuses any sort of intimacy. Yet she gives it to me when we have sex, or rather, make love. Because that is what it was, it was not just regular sex because it was so paused out with the foreplay and we had our foreheads on each others foreheads for quite a while and our hands caressing on each other's necks and face. She did refuse to look into my eyes, she closed hers and even when we were forehead to forehead, she kept her eyes closed. It's difficult to describe, but it is like she is only willing to give me affection when we have s ex.
I have never "made love" like that before. But, she is judging herself as only being worthy of sex. It is not me. I told her it is ok to care for someone, she refused me.
- She has had a lot of sexual partners before. She does not mind much older men. Her previous two boyfriends from last year were apparently dicks.
I wish i could get over her and move onto other girls. But I can't. I tried not seeing her for 3 weeks and it killed me inside. I even went on holiday with the guys but I just can't forget her, I am going to get really hurt but I just can't stop myself because I am hurting so much already. It hurts me to see that she is hurt, but she does not want me to care.
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