My husband and I are in recovery from an EXTREMELY rocky few years. So, I'm struggling a bit over my reaction regarding lunch today. Was it reasonable or unreasonable? Is it natural given our history, but needs a good perspective to not allow it to create current damage?
My H and I have been eager to be with each other a lot lately since our recovery has been going SO well. We've been doing lunch together almost everyday and having fun. Most times we check in and make a quick plan for lunch, meet at the house. Today we didn't make that quick plan but both ended up there because we have just been on a mutual agreed plan to eat at home to save money. He usually gets there 10 to 15 minutes after me. And we eat together , share some us time, go back to work.
Today... No plans, couldn't get him on the phone, though we were emailing right before that... I thought... he is just distracted, I'll go home, make us some sandwiches, get things ready, did some chores to distract myself, finally sat down to eat when he walked in 20 minutes later than normal. (He had an affair in 2012). I don't think he is having an affair now, he has been treating me VERY well, very grateful... the part I'm struggling shaking is the deep sadness that welled up over something so "little." I told him I didn't feel like a priority today, but that I'm having a hard time discerning if my heart reaction is really reasonable. It sounded like he just lost track of time which we all as humans do and doesn't mean the end of the world. I just need a way to shake this feeling so that it doesn't unnecessarily damage us. I know fear of backing up is part of it and I don't want to look to him to "make me happy." I want healthy interdependence, not unhealthy co- dependence, yet this feeling came up involuntarily... I didn't fuss at him, just shared the thought behind the sadness he could plainly see in my eyes. I'm usually better at catching these things and being healthy with them, but this one kicked my tail for some reason. :( Probably just part of the messy construction zone we are in... :( and damage from the past lurking..
My H and I have been eager to be with each other a lot lately since our recovery has been going SO well. We've been doing lunch together almost everyday and having fun. Most times we check in and make a quick plan for lunch, meet at the house. Today we didn't make that quick plan but both ended up there because we have just been on a mutual agreed plan to eat at home to save money. He usually gets there 10 to 15 minutes after me. And we eat together , share some us time, go back to work.
Today... No plans, couldn't get him on the phone, though we were emailing right before that... I thought... he is just distracted, I'll go home, make us some sandwiches, get things ready, did some chores to distract myself, finally sat down to eat when he walked in 20 minutes later than normal. (He had an affair in 2012). I don't think he is having an affair now, he has been treating me VERY well, very grateful... the part I'm struggling shaking is the deep sadness that welled up over something so "little." I told him I didn't feel like a priority today, but that I'm having a hard time discerning if my heart reaction is really reasonable. It sounded like he just lost track of time which we all as humans do and doesn't mean the end of the world. I just need a way to shake this feeling so that it doesn't unnecessarily damage us. I know fear of backing up is part of it and I don't want to look to him to "make me happy." I want healthy interdependence, not unhealthy co- dependence, yet this feeling came up involuntarily... I didn't fuss at him, just shared the thought behind the sadness he could plainly see in my eyes. I'm usually better at catching these things and being healthy with them, but this one kicked my tail for some reason. :( Probably just part of the messy construction zone we are in... :( and damage from the past lurking..
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