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This item finally came out 2 hours into our regular 'my intimacy needs aren't being met' disagreement late last night.
Known my wife for 5 years, married for 3. Her dad's dad is the abuser - inappropriate touching when she was young and that's really all I can say with certainty other than no intercourse.
My wife is the type that is NOT introspective, NOT self aware, NOT very open to counseling of any type. She feels shame, lots of memory suppression, she just wants it to go away. If she had her way, we would never talk about this again and this data would serve to get me to understand her barriers to intimacy, and that would be the end of it.
Intimacy issues now being like 17th down on my to-solve list, I now share in this burden with her and feel overwhelmed with anger towards her grandfather (who lives out of state and we don't see regularly) empathy towards my wife but fear that she will drive me away when I encourage her to seek counseling. My first instinct was that she needed to tell her dad (who is a great person) especially since she has a younger sister. I told her that she is in charge of what we do with this, but I did not bring up the idea of counseling at the time, and I feel very strongly that needs to happen. Not that this is a foregone conclusion, but this piece of info explains her POV on the vast majority of conflicts we have had.
What I NEED HELP with is:
-how do I help her take the step to seek counseling?
-I feel like I am doing my father in law wrong by not insisting that he is made aware of this. I know trust with my wife comes first, but this aspect will wear on me fast and hard. Need input here.
Thanks in advance!
This item finally came out 2 hours into our regular 'my intimacy needs aren't being met' disagreement late last night.
Known my wife for 5 years, married for 3. Her dad's dad is the abuser - inappropriate touching when she was young and that's really all I can say with certainty other than no intercourse.
My wife is the type that is NOT introspective, NOT self aware, NOT very open to counseling of any type. She feels shame, lots of memory suppression, she just wants it to go away. If she had her way, we would never talk about this again and this data would serve to get me to understand her barriers to intimacy, and that would be the end of it.
Intimacy issues now being like 17th down on my to-solve list, I now share in this burden with her and feel overwhelmed with anger towards her grandfather (who lives out of state and we don't see regularly) empathy towards my wife but fear that she will drive me away when I encourage her to seek counseling. My first instinct was that she needed to tell her dad (who is a great person) especially since she has a younger sister. I told her that she is in charge of what we do with this, but I did not bring up the idea of counseling at the time, and I feel very strongly that needs to happen. Not that this is a foregone conclusion, but this piece of info explains her POV on the vast majority of conflicts we have had.
What I NEED HELP with is:
-how do I help her take the step to seek counseling?
-I feel like I am doing my father in law wrong by not insisting that he is made aware of this. I know trust with my wife comes first, but this aspect will wear on me fast and hard. Need input here.
Thanks in advance!
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