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stuck and confused

Two weeks ago my wife of 9 years informed me that she wanted a divorce. She has been a stay at home mom for our daughter for the past 3.5 years. During the conversation she stated that it was her desire for us to divorce and for all of us to move to another state at the same time to raise our child. I was destroyed by the news of the divorce and even more shocked that she would want to make things worse for our daughter by taking her our of her school and her local support network. Secondarily assuming that I would subsidize a move to another state that would result in a divorce. She says I am being controlling and insensitive to her needs and demands by not agreeing to move.

We are currently still living together. She has no plans of how she is going to leave. She hasn't applied for any jobs, has not thought about where she wants to live and doesn't have a lawyer. Repeatedly accuses me of stalling our divorce negotiations but at the same time still acts like we are married. The stress of living together is mind boggling but I cannot nor do I want to leave because it will affect future custody issues. I feel insane that she says she wants out but seems to expect me to do all the planning while still acting like we have a viable relationship.

Almost immediately I spoke to a friend who suggested getting an attorney then logging onto this site. She stated I needed to learn to do the "180." Has anyone experienced a similar situation and what is the "180/"

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