Hi everyone,
My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years. We have Been together since October 2005. Since we have been married. We have not only been husband, and wife, but I always felt that we have also been like best friends. I always felt that she could tell me anything, and I could tell her anything. I have had complete 100% trust in her until this month. We also have a 5 year old son. ...Anyway, here it goes...
My brother/sister in law's house had a toilet overflow at the end of March. The toilet was on the 2nd floor, and water leaked through the carpet, flooring on two levels and into the basement. They hired a contractor to fix the issues. One of the employees of the contractor was someone they knew, and have known for years. Apparantly, he also knew my wife, and my wife friended him on Face book, and somehow got his phone number.
He was invited to my bro in law's birthday party where my wife also hung out at for the night. I was working during the party, but I chose to go after a long day of work. I was there for less than 15 minutes when my wife said "Why don't you go home, you look tired". ...I was tired, and I didn't know many of my bro in laws friends so I decided to go home (Plus I was still in my business attire, so I felt out of place as everyone else was dressed casually) ...Anyway, this guy that she has been "sexting" was there that night, and I think that is where things started to get out of hand between her and him and this texting.
So that was 2 weeks ago. After that weekend we went on a mini spring vacation. While we were there I noticed she was getting random texts to her phone. We would be out to dinner, and her phone would ding, and she would respond....10 minutes later it would ding again. After noticing this a few times I asked who it was, and she said "My Friend -----". " He went to school with my brother, and I know him from high school as well. He was in 12th when I was in 9th grade"
...I said Okay, and really didn't think much of it. Well we went to go visit my parents on vacation but she decided not to go. She said she preferred to go shopping, and I can just take our son to go see them. (She also does not like going to my parents house due to a couple reasons, and she doesn't get along very well with my Mom). So I said okay, and took our son to my parents and spent 4 hours over there. And she was on her own.
I also noticed that she was VERY protective of her phone while we were on vacation. It was attached to her hip, and she would point the phone away when typing if I was near her. She never did this stuff in the past.
...On Sunday night my wife received a CRAZY amount of texts while I was around, and I started to get mad about it because I knew it was this guy. I counted a total of 37 times her phone dinged in the course of an hour.
So I decided to wait until she went to sleep, and I would go check her phone before I go to bed. It was 1am...I took her
I saw this LONG TEXT CHAIN dating back to April 2nd. I estimate over 300 texts in total. They were fantasizing about kissing each other, and having sex with each other in most of the texts. Apparantly, the night of my bro in law's party while I was sleeping she was texting him. She texted "You looked like you were glad to see me". He texted "Yea". and from there it turned more and more flirtatious. She would text him kissing emoticons. He would text her stuff back. ...Like her and I did when we were dating, and a new couple. Sometimes they would just text each other while at work casual "Hey what you doing?" type texts...then later on in the day it would ramp up to them talking about having sex in a car, typing things like "I'm un buttoning your shirt" "I'm smacking that ass" ..."I'm pulling my **** out for you" ....
Lots more that I don't want to type, but you get the picture. ...I did not see any PICS that were sent to each other...it was all texts. However, she could have deleted those if there were any sent between them....
I confronted her at 1:15am, and at first she told me I was blowing it all out of proportion. Then after me grilling her for 5 minutes, she went on to tell me about little things that "caused her to sext"...
For instance. She says she can't stand that I put a cup next to the sink with some soda still in it all the time!!! ....:scratchhead:
She brings up these little minute things. She then told me that I have not been paying her enough attention, and doing things with her. YET, whenever I am off from work I ALWAYS try to get her to go do things. Wether its just us, or if my 5 year old son is included.
I had a lot of time off in January, and February, and whenever I asked her if she wanted to go out, she would say no. It's like she wanted to be a homebody, and in turn I felt as if she was pushing me away.
Well...Today she was disrespectful to her Sister in law in a text message, and the sister I law shows up. She acted hysterical, and screamed at her, and also told her mother. I wanted to keep this away from her mother because of her high blood pressure, but now CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG. My wife went crazy, and yelled at all of us to PUNCH HER IN THE FACE, AND HIT HER.
Of course we didn't, but the way she acted was very left field and totally unlike her. After a while, we had a calm discussion. My mother in law wants us to seek marriage counseling. MY MIL asked my wife if she would go to counseling, and my wife wouldn't answer her. After our 45 minute long conversation with my wife crying for most of it, and the rest of us venting, and trying to get inside my wife's brain as to why she would jeopardize our marriage, and why she has been acting the way she has been acting lately...my wife decided to end the conversation and lock herself in the room and go to sleep.
I don't know what to do. My mother in law told me to go get a marriage counselor, make an appointment, and drag my wife in with me. Is Marriage counseling the answer?
Overall, I feel like I failed. I am hurt, and my trust level with my wife is ZERO right now. My wife and I have not said I love you to each other since Christmas...I just realized that. This is certainly a low point. ...I told everyone I would have left her immediately if we were not married with a 5 year old. But I want to fix this, and make things work before leaving and getting into a divorce.
My Wife SWEARS nothing physical happened, only texts/sexts.
What should I do moving forward? Did I do the right thing by confronting her as soon as I found out? Can I trust my wife again? Or is it once a cheater, always a cheater?
I have to go into work, so I won't respond until tomorrow :(
My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years. We have Been together since October 2005. Since we have been married. We have not only been husband, and wife, but I always felt that we have also been like best friends. I always felt that she could tell me anything, and I could tell her anything. I have had complete 100% trust in her until this month. We also have a 5 year old son. ...Anyway, here it goes...
My brother/sister in law's house had a toilet overflow at the end of March. The toilet was on the 2nd floor, and water leaked through the carpet, flooring on two levels and into the basement. They hired a contractor to fix the issues. One of the employees of the contractor was someone they knew, and have known for years. Apparantly, he also knew my wife, and my wife friended him on Face book, and somehow got his phone number.
He was invited to my bro in law's birthday party where my wife also hung out at for the night. I was working during the party, but I chose to go after a long day of work. I was there for less than 15 minutes when my wife said "Why don't you go home, you look tired". ...I was tired, and I didn't know many of my bro in laws friends so I decided to go home (Plus I was still in my business attire, so I felt out of place as everyone else was dressed casually) ...Anyway, this guy that she has been "sexting" was there that night, and I think that is where things started to get out of hand between her and him and this texting.
So that was 2 weeks ago. After that weekend we went on a mini spring vacation. While we were there I noticed she was getting random texts to her phone. We would be out to dinner, and her phone would ding, and she would respond....10 minutes later it would ding again. After noticing this a few times I asked who it was, and she said "My Friend -----". " He went to school with my brother, and I know him from high school as well. He was in 12th when I was in 9th grade"
...I said Okay, and really didn't think much of it. Well we went to go visit my parents on vacation but she decided not to go. She said she preferred to go shopping, and I can just take our son to go see them. (She also does not like going to my parents house due to a couple reasons, and she doesn't get along very well with my Mom). So I said okay, and took our son to my parents and spent 4 hours over there. And she was on her own.
I also noticed that she was VERY protective of her phone while we were on vacation. It was attached to her hip, and she would point the phone away when typing if I was near her. She never did this stuff in the past.
...On Sunday night my wife received a CRAZY amount of texts while I was around, and I started to get mad about it because I knew it was this guy. I counted a total of 37 times her phone dinged in the course of an hour.
So I decided to wait until she went to sleep, and I would go check her phone before I go to bed. It was 1am...I took her
I saw this LONG TEXT CHAIN dating back to April 2nd. I estimate over 300 texts in total. They were fantasizing about kissing each other, and having sex with each other in most of the texts. Apparantly, the night of my bro in law's party while I was sleeping she was texting him. She texted "You looked like you were glad to see me". He texted "Yea". and from there it turned more and more flirtatious. She would text him kissing emoticons. He would text her stuff back. ...Like her and I did when we were dating, and a new couple. Sometimes they would just text each other while at work casual "Hey what you doing?" type texts...then later on in the day it would ramp up to them talking about having sex in a car, typing things like "I'm un buttoning your shirt" "I'm smacking that ass" ..."I'm pulling my **** out for you" ....
Lots more that I don't want to type, but you get the picture. ...I did not see any PICS that were sent to each other...it was all texts. However, she could have deleted those if there were any sent between them....
I confronted her at 1:15am, and at first she told me I was blowing it all out of proportion. Then after me grilling her for 5 minutes, she went on to tell me about little things that "caused her to sext"...
For instance. She says she can't stand that I put a cup next to the sink with some soda still in it all the time!!! ....:scratchhead:
She brings up these little minute things. She then told me that I have not been paying her enough attention, and doing things with her. YET, whenever I am off from work I ALWAYS try to get her to go do things. Wether its just us, or if my 5 year old son is included.
I had a lot of time off in January, and February, and whenever I asked her if she wanted to go out, she would say no. It's like she wanted to be a homebody, and in turn I felt as if she was pushing me away.
Well...Today she was disrespectful to her Sister in law in a text message, and the sister I law shows up. She acted hysterical, and screamed at her, and also told her mother. I wanted to keep this away from her mother because of her high blood pressure, but now CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG. My wife went crazy, and yelled at all of us to PUNCH HER IN THE FACE, AND HIT HER.
Of course we didn't, but the way she acted was very left field and totally unlike her. After a while, we had a calm discussion. My mother in law wants us to seek marriage counseling. MY MIL asked my wife if she would go to counseling, and my wife wouldn't answer her. After our 45 minute long conversation with my wife crying for most of it, and the rest of us venting, and trying to get inside my wife's brain as to why she would jeopardize our marriage, and why she has been acting the way she has been acting lately...my wife decided to end the conversation and lock herself in the room and go to sleep.
I don't know what to do. My mother in law told me to go get a marriage counselor, make an appointment, and drag my wife in with me. Is Marriage counseling the answer?
Overall, I feel like I failed. I am hurt, and my trust level with my wife is ZERO right now. My wife and I have not said I love you to each other since Christmas...I just realized that. This is certainly a low point. ...I told everyone I would have left her immediately if we were not married with a 5 year old. But I want to fix this, and make things work before leaving and getting into a divorce.
My Wife SWEARS nothing physical happened, only texts/sexts.
What should I do moving forward? Did I do the right thing by confronting her as soon as I found out? Can I trust my wife again? Or is it once a cheater, always a cheater?
I have to go into work, so I won't respond until tomorrow :(
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