It's about time I wrote about my own situation. Lady Moonshadow of the long posts here! I can never seem to keep them short! And thanks to the posters who have given me 'likes' meaning they had the patience to read one of my biblical length posts. :D And of course my own thread will be long I s'pose. Sigh!
I'm fine. All is calm on the home front. WS couldn't be more loving and there is no OW in sight. I still monitor.
D-day was 4 years ago and we got past it. I began to love him again as in I felt "in love" with him.
But I was trickle truthed. 18 months ago, by my snooping and not his confessing a lot more of the truth came out. Even then he tried to deny and twist what I found into "It wasn't like that" etc. You all know what they say. Did all of it come out? I don't know. Does a BS ever know? I doubt it. Being practical I tend to see things for what they are. I guess I must have snooped again because I must have had a niggle that I didn't have the 100% truth. I just decided to on a whim one day for no apparent reason. We were doing fine.
And dear posters, looking back I think trickle truth is what caused me to switch into the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" headspace after the initial shock wore off. I think trickle truth is actually worse that the shock of D-day as it means WS are still trashing BS. It proves them to be cowards and that they have no respect for us and don't take us seriously. Who wants a partner like that? Any WS reading this please take note.
So our life together? It couldn't be better in every way other than this. But for 18 months I have barely been able to hug or kiss him though I have started to recently. There is no intimacy. I'm not punishing him. I would so love to get back to feeling "in love" with him and being intimate. Clearly I can't be intimate until I feel 'in love' with him. At least for now.
In many ways I feel very sorry for him. Yes, sounds crazy! He cut off all contact, treated me beautifully, though he always did and hence my shock on D-day. He has put up with all my ranting and raving and believe me there was a lot as I completely lost control of my emotions after I found I was being trickle truthed and did the same for at least a year after D-day. He couldn't be more loving. He is fantastic to my kids who are grown up but still need to be helped now and then and I have a daughter who is still at home. And he is putting up with the lack of intimacy. We had a brilliant sex life before all this.
I intend to stay. I guess we are all different in what we will settle for. Why do I stay? Because we get on so well, laugh a lot, he does so much around the house, he puts up with me as I'm a stress bag and tend to sweat the small stuff. We are never apart. He doesn't have male friends that he goes out alone with, only rarely for lunch. All our friends are couples.
Sometimes I don't understand how he puts up with it all, especially the lack of sex, he's a very sexual man. I conclude that he must be genuinely in love with me. He is forever telling me that he intends to stay with me forever.
I should add that he is 16 years younger than me. The other women were all close to my age - there was more than one. All were EA except for possibly one. He seems to have a penchant for us older little ladies :D. Although I'm told by many I look 10 years younger than I am - a little Botox goes a long way - snigger, snigger :D but I have also kept my figure. I'm tiny and being overweight adds a lot of years to anyone male or female IMO. He could leave any time as we have no children together. In short I have a great life with him.
I do consider that some day he will tire all this and leave. And what could I do? I'm philosophical. If it happens, it happens and I don't think I would ask him to stay.
But all this bothers me at the same time. I have been meaning to post about it for months actually to seek opinions from all you wise BS out there and WS too if you're reading my bible.
He now works with a male colleague, just the two of them. WS is tall and handsome and anywhere he has worked women come onto him. They do it even when we are out. He always puts his arm around me and we laugh about it. But if he got a job in a bigger company would I feel worried that he would succumb to the attention of someone? I'm trying to be very honest in this post. . . yes I would be worried and that is not good. I think perhaps BS feel that if WS did it once they can always do it again.
We are thinking of moving to a different continent where we are both from (Europe) and there is every chance he will have to go on ahead to get a job as I have a very good job here and would be foolish to give it up until he had one over there. So I may be tested in the near future.
Philat, your story is the one I most resonate with. I would be interested in your opinion.
On an entirely different note most of you on here are Americans. We went to the USA recently as I was sent there by my company. My H hadn't been there before and he LOVED it and the vibe of you Americans. I lived there for a year long ago and loved it and you lot too. We would actually move there if we could get a Green Card - I may be able to through my work. We are looking into it. Anyway thought I'd throw that in as a cheerful ending.
I want to also add that I have tried to give the two sides of the story. As always sorry for the bible! :D
I'm fine. All is calm on the home front. WS couldn't be more loving and there is no OW in sight. I still monitor.
D-day was 4 years ago and we got past it. I began to love him again as in I felt "in love" with him.
But I was trickle truthed. 18 months ago, by my snooping and not his confessing a lot more of the truth came out. Even then he tried to deny and twist what I found into "It wasn't like that" etc. You all know what they say. Did all of it come out? I don't know. Does a BS ever know? I doubt it. Being practical I tend to see things for what they are. I guess I must have snooped again because I must have had a niggle that I didn't have the 100% truth. I just decided to on a whim one day for no apparent reason. We were doing fine.
And dear posters, looking back I think trickle truth is what caused me to switch into the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" headspace after the initial shock wore off. I think trickle truth is actually worse that the shock of D-day as it means WS are still trashing BS. It proves them to be cowards and that they have no respect for us and don't take us seriously. Who wants a partner like that? Any WS reading this please take note.
So our life together? It couldn't be better in every way other than this. But for 18 months I have barely been able to hug or kiss him though I have started to recently. There is no intimacy. I'm not punishing him. I would so love to get back to feeling "in love" with him and being intimate. Clearly I can't be intimate until I feel 'in love' with him. At least for now.
In many ways I feel very sorry for him. Yes, sounds crazy! He cut off all contact, treated me beautifully, though he always did and hence my shock on D-day. He has put up with all my ranting and raving and believe me there was a lot as I completely lost control of my emotions after I found I was being trickle truthed and did the same for at least a year after D-day. He couldn't be more loving. He is fantastic to my kids who are grown up but still need to be helped now and then and I have a daughter who is still at home. And he is putting up with the lack of intimacy. We had a brilliant sex life before all this.
I intend to stay. I guess we are all different in what we will settle for. Why do I stay? Because we get on so well, laugh a lot, he does so much around the house, he puts up with me as I'm a stress bag and tend to sweat the small stuff. We are never apart. He doesn't have male friends that he goes out alone with, only rarely for lunch. All our friends are couples.
Sometimes I don't understand how he puts up with it all, especially the lack of sex, he's a very sexual man. I conclude that he must be genuinely in love with me. He is forever telling me that he intends to stay with me forever.
I should add that he is 16 years younger than me. The other women were all close to my age - there was more than one. All were EA except for possibly one. He seems to have a penchant for us older little ladies :D. Although I'm told by many I look 10 years younger than I am - a little Botox goes a long way - snigger, snigger :D but I have also kept my figure. I'm tiny and being overweight adds a lot of years to anyone male or female IMO. He could leave any time as we have no children together. In short I have a great life with him.
I do consider that some day he will tire all this and leave. And what could I do? I'm philosophical. If it happens, it happens and I don't think I would ask him to stay.
But all this bothers me at the same time. I have been meaning to post about it for months actually to seek opinions from all you wise BS out there and WS too if you're reading my bible.
He now works with a male colleague, just the two of them. WS is tall and handsome and anywhere he has worked women come onto him. They do it even when we are out. He always puts his arm around me and we laugh about it. But if he got a job in a bigger company would I feel worried that he would succumb to the attention of someone? I'm trying to be very honest in this post. . . yes I would be worried and that is not good. I think perhaps BS feel that if WS did it once they can always do it again.
We are thinking of moving to a different continent where we are both from (Europe) and there is every chance he will have to go on ahead to get a job as I have a very good job here and would be foolish to give it up until he had one over there. So I may be tested in the near future.
Philat, your story is the one I most resonate with. I would be interested in your opinion.
On an entirely different note most of you on here are Americans. We went to the USA recently as I was sent there by my company. My H hadn't been there before and he LOVED it and the vibe of you Americans. I lived there for a year long ago and loved it and you lot too. We would actually move there if we could get a Green Card - I may be able to through my work. We are looking into it. Anyway thought I'd throw that in as a cheerful ending.
I want to also add that I have tried to give the two sides of the story. As always sorry for the bible! :D
Put the internet to work for you.
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