I have a friend and a few months ago, we were at a party and after cuddling for several hours in the evening, we went to bed and made out, and I gave him a blowjob. We were being physical for quite a while before he stopped me and left, he got kinda freaked. I'm openly gay and he is supposedly straight. I don't really know how it all happened, since I thought he was straight.
A few days later, I talked to him about it and he was surprisingly open. He said that he really enjoyed it but felt weird when he was thinking about it, which is why he left the bed in the middle of the night. He said the same thing goes for porn - he watches gay porn and loves it, but feels disgusted with himself afterwards. I completely know this feeling as I went through it myself.
He said he hadn't figured himself out yet (he was 17 and he hit puberty at like 14) but he did want to do more with me, though I don't know if he meant this as experimentation or otherwise.
Anyway, at every party after that for a while, we were physically close. He always initiates cuddling and he has jerked me off a couple of times now. He has a pet name for me and he flirted with me quite a lot too.
But that kinda ended a while ago; we haven't seen each other much in the past couple of months, but at the most recent party, when I thought he had stopped all of this gay stuff, he made me sleep on the sofa with him and he felt me up. That was about a month or two ago.
All of these times, I've felt an emotional connection; I have strong feelings for him and just being in his arms feels a thousand times better than any sex I've had before.
But we went to the cinema together tonight, and I felt absolutely nothing. He "had to dash" for the train after the film ended, even though the station was 5 minutes away and the train was in 15/20 minutes. He literally just said goodbye and left, we didn't talk at all.
I feel like we're getting further apart, but I still have feelings for him. I feel protected by him :s it's so nice. But I know he is quite shy, behind his exterior act of being confident and funny; he's admitted this before, saying that he finds it impossible to initiate anything and I need to do it (equally, I'm terrified of initiating something in case it ruins where I already am).
He has recently started referring to me as "mate", which implies to me a friendzone, but then it might not do because he's in the closet. He's also not called me by the romantic name he has for me in a long time.
He leaves for uni in september. Should I just try to get over him and move on/give up? Or should I carry on slowly, see how it is in future parties? I only really see him at parties and he's not staying over at the next one; then we have exams and we won't have many parties for a while.
Alternatively, should I tell him how I feel? I've been wanting to for a while, and I think it may be fairly obvious (I got him a really romantic christmas present for example), but I'm scared that it will ruin our friendship, and also ruin the small amount of cuddling/kisses/whatever that I do get with him. And if I were to tell him, how should I do it?
I should also mention that I go to a small sixth form and know no gay guys who I even like, so it's not as easy as saying if it all goes wrong I can find a different/better relationship, because that's just not particularly feasible. I have another year until uni, where undoubtedly I will find boyfriends and whatever, but for now, it feels like it's this or nothing.
Thanks for reading :) I have no idea what to do. Tonight just made me feel a bit crap really.
A few days later, I talked to him about it and he was surprisingly open. He said that he really enjoyed it but felt weird when he was thinking about it, which is why he left the bed in the middle of the night. He said the same thing goes for porn - he watches gay porn and loves it, but feels disgusted with himself afterwards. I completely know this feeling as I went through it myself.
He said he hadn't figured himself out yet (he was 17 and he hit puberty at like 14) but he did want to do more with me, though I don't know if he meant this as experimentation or otherwise.
Anyway, at every party after that for a while, we were physically close. He always initiates cuddling and he has jerked me off a couple of times now. He has a pet name for me and he flirted with me quite a lot too.
But that kinda ended a while ago; we haven't seen each other much in the past couple of months, but at the most recent party, when I thought he had stopped all of this gay stuff, he made me sleep on the sofa with him and he felt me up. That was about a month or two ago.
All of these times, I've felt an emotional connection; I have strong feelings for him and just being in his arms feels a thousand times better than any sex I've had before.
But we went to the cinema together tonight, and I felt absolutely nothing. He "had to dash" for the train after the film ended, even though the station was 5 minutes away and the train was in 15/20 minutes. He literally just said goodbye and left, we didn't talk at all.
I feel like we're getting further apart, but I still have feelings for him. I feel protected by him :s it's so nice. But I know he is quite shy, behind his exterior act of being confident and funny; he's admitted this before, saying that he finds it impossible to initiate anything and I need to do it (equally, I'm terrified of initiating something in case it ruins where I already am).
He has recently started referring to me as "mate", which implies to me a friendzone, but then it might not do because he's in the closet. He's also not called me by the romantic name he has for me in a long time.
He leaves for uni in september. Should I just try to get over him and move on/give up? Or should I carry on slowly, see how it is in future parties? I only really see him at parties and he's not staying over at the next one; then we have exams and we won't have many parties for a while.
Alternatively, should I tell him how I feel? I've been wanting to for a while, and I think it may be fairly obvious (I got him a really romantic christmas present for example), but I'm scared that it will ruin our friendship, and also ruin the small amount of cuddling/kisses/whatever that I do get with him. And if I were to tell him, how should I do it?
I should also mention that I go to a small sixth form and know no gay guys who I even like, so it's not as easy as saying if it all goes wrong I can find a different/better relationship, because that's just not particularly feasible. I have another year until uni, where undoubtedly I will find boyfriends and whatever, but for now, it feels like it's this or nothing.
Thanks for reading :) I have no idea what to do. Tonight just made me feel a bit crap really.
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