Hello everyone. First post here, though I've been lurking for a little while now.
First I'll tell you the basics. My wife and I have been together for 19 years, married for 12. We are both in our very early 40s. We have 2 wonderful elementary school age kids (girls and boy) who are our world.
On the surface we are what anyone would consider a success in just about every area. We are both very successful in our careers, we have a beautiful home in a very nice upper middle class area, we have a beach house, a boat, and we are able to buy just about anything we want, or go on vacation anywhere we want to go. We have absolutely no money problems. Everywhere we go I hear comments about how lucky we are or what a beautiful family I have.
The reality however, is that my wife and I are miserable in this marriage. I can attribute the source of this misery to the fact that my wife is a rigid, bossy, opinionated, control freak. Her favorite saying is "happy wife, happy life". Furthermore, she has major trust issues with everyone, especially me. I'll sum her up with one word, tyrant. Any time she doesn't get her way, its world war 3. She will make life miserable for everyone around her if things don't go her way. She doesn't see the error in her ways, in her mind she is 100% correct so there is nothing to apologize for.
Some people may consider this petty. I've heard many husbands refer to their wives as "she who must be obeyed" or 'the boss". A lot of the times I can overlook and ignore her behavior, but in general I don't subscribe to the idea that my wife is "she who must be obeyed". I speak up, and I tell it like it is. This of course causes us a lot of conflict that spirals in to awful and hurtful things being said. After years of this situation, there is a ton of anger and resentment in our marriage. It has gotten to the point where it's her vs. me. There is absolutely no affection, no sex, no nothing, just lots of anger and lots of fights. I love my wife, and always will. But the butterflies are long gone and I'm not sure I'm "in love" with her anymore. We tried counseling for several weeks. During our last visit the shrink asked her if the way I was describing her behavior was accurate, my wife responded "yes". The next question the shrink asked her was "why do you do that to him"? My wife got all worked up and cut the session short. Basically walked out and that was that for counseling.
I have pretty much taken all I can. I'm sick of being treated like a child and disrespected constantly. What's more, our children are speaking up and telling us how sad it makes them to hear us argue all the time. So I decided to leave. When I told my wife, she started to cry. Later on when the kids asked her why she was sad and crying, my wife told them that I was moving out and abandoning the family. This led to the kids crying and begging me to stay. My little girl was inconsolable.
So now I feel trapped. I don't have the heart to leave my kids. And I have no idea how to bring it up to them and make them understand at this point. So I guess I'm looking for advice on this. How did some of you guys handle this with the kids?
First I'll tell you the basics. My wife and I have been together for 19 years, married for 12. We are both in our very early 40s. We have 2 wonderful elementary school age kids (girls and boy) who are our world.
On the surface we are what anyone would consider a success in just about every area. We are both very successful in our careers, we have a beautiful home in a very nice upper middle class area, we have a beach house, a boat, and we are able to buy just about anything we want, or go on vacation anywhere we want to go. We have absolutely no money problems. Everywhere we go I hear comments about how lucky we are or what a beautiful family I have.
The reality however, is that my wife and I are miserable in this marriage. I can attribute the source of this misery to the fact that my wife is a rigid, bossy, opinionated, control freak. Her favorite saying is "happy wife, happy life". Furthermore, she has major trust issues with everyone, especially me. I'll sum her up with one word, tyrant. Any time she doesn't get her way, its world war 3. She will make life miserable for everyone around her if things don't go her way. She doesn't see the error in her ways, in her mind she is 100% correct so there is nothing to apologize for.
Some people may consider this petty. I've heard many husbands refer to their wives as "she who must be obeyed" or 'the boss". A lot of the times I can overlook and ignore her behavior, but in general I don't subscribe to the idea that my wife is "she who must be obeyed". I speak up, and I tell it like it is. This of course causes us a lot of conflict that spirals in to awful and hurtful things being said. After years of this situation, there is a ton of anger and resentment in our marriage. It has gotten to the point where it's her vs. me. There is absolutely no affection, no sex, no nothing, just lots of anger and lots of fights. I love my wife, and always will. But the butterflies are long gone and I'm not sure I'm "in love" with her anymore. We tried counseling for several weeks. During our last visit the shrink asked her if the way I was describing her behavior was accurate, my wife responded "yes". The next question the shrink asked her was "why do you do that to him"? My wife got all worked up and cut the session short. Basically walked out and that was that for counseling.
I have pretty much taken all I can. I'm sick of being treated like a child and disrespected constantly. What's more, our children are speaking up and telling us how sad it makes them to hear us argue all the time. So I decided to leave. When I told my wife, she started to cry. Later on when the kids asked her why she was sad and crying, my wife told them that I was moving out and abandoning the family. This led to the kids crying and begging me to stay. My little girl was inconsolable.
So now I feel trapped. I don't have the heart to leave my kids. And I have no idea how to bring it up to them and make them understand at this point. So I guess I'm looking for advice on this. How did some of you guys handle this with the kids?
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