My annulment was finalized 1 month ago. I actually came to find out on Valentine's day, which was the worst time ever. I took my vows very seriously and never wanted the marriage to end. But after begging my long-distance spouse to move overseas to live me with me to no avail, I finally had no option but to file. I might have been officially the one to 'leave', but it was him that pushed me into it, as he kept refusing to acknowledge the problems in the marriage or even talk about it.... and wouldn't even move overseas so that we could finally live together. After 2.5 years of long-distance marriage (2 years since I even saw his handsome face) - it is now over. I am devastated, as I always dreamed he'd finally mature up and come around. We married in a place that was very spiritually significant for me, and I truly believed that come what may, things would eventually work out for us. He always told me not to dissolve the marriage as he wanted to remain ma rried, but yet he also wanted to put zero effort to make it work (as it was his way of rebelling against terms that neither of us could agree upon).
In the last month, he has sent me occasional emails telling me how I was the best girl he'd ever met and how he can't believe things are over, and I have been the one who has kept minimal contact. In the last week, however, I've badly caved, and I seem to be the one writing to him mostly (with him only giving me short emails back). He did tell me a few days ago that he still loves me... but it doesn't mean much, without any action from his side. (I'd still be willing to get back together with him, if only he could make me a priority and really understand how he screwed things up. But I realize he'll never understand, as he is the one who feels like the victim.) I'm really hurting this week and missing him. To make matters worse, I signed up for a dating site (the one where I had originally met him) today, and I searched to see if he was there.... and sure enough he was. Reading his profile just caused unnecessary grief. If that wasn't bad enough, I even sent him a 2 line emai l telling him that I know that he has a profile and that I have made one as well, but don't know how I'll be able to get back into talking to guys again. :(
Uggh... why am I doing this to myself? :mad: I usually hate drama and needless suffering, and here I am the one creating it. When we were dating, he used to be the one to cyberstalk me, and now I'm doing that. Yuck. I'd rather he remember me positively, but my last email didn't achieve that... as I'm making it pretty obvious to him how much this is killing me.
I previously told myself that I wouldn't start dating until I was emotionally available, as I have been hurt in the past by emotionally unavailable men, and I don't want to do the same to anyone. I think I just created these profiles as a distraction, and because I feel I should, since I'm already 32 (going on 33). At this point, I really just need time to stop communicating with him entirely and to heal. I'm not really sure what I will do with the online dating profile that I signed up and paid for... as things are still raw at this point. I feel in some ways that they shouldn't still be raw, since I have not even seen him in person in 2 years as we've been long distance... but the closure still hurts. And I have always been loyal to him, as I took my vows very very seriously.
There are a lot of transitions in my life right now. I complete my professional degree in 2 months, and will be moving to a new city away from my parents and sister. I'll have to be alone and start afresh. My relationship with him taught me what a loving, devoted and patient spouse I could be. I have a lot going for me, but the only thing that still holds me back in dating is the extra weight I have to lose... and it's a lot of weight. He always told me I was beautiful, and thus I was never forced to lose it, but I'm tired of being the obese girl with the 'very cute face' (as others have stated). I've struggled with weight issues since I was a kid, so this is long standing issue. But I know that I need to take charge of my own ship, and turn my life in the direction I want. Just need the courage to attempt this.
Anyway, just wanted to throw my update out there....
In the last month, he has sent me occasional emails telling me how I was the best girl he'd ever met and how he can't believe things are over, and I have been the one who has kept minimal contact. In the last week, however, I've badly caved, and I seem to be the one writing to him mostly (with him only giving me short emails back). He did tell me a few days ago that he still loves me... but it doesn't mean much, without any action from his side. (I'd still be willing to get back together with him, if only he could make me a priority and really understand how he screwed things up. But I realize he'll never understand, as he is the one who feels like the victim.) I'm really hurting this week and missing him. To make matters worse, I signed up for a dating site (the one where I had originally met him) today, and I searched to see if he was there.... and sure enough he was. Reading his profile just caused unnecessary grief. If that wasn't bad enough, I even sent him a 2 line emai l telling him that I know that he has a profile and that I have made one as well, but don't know how I'll be able to get back into talking to guys again. :(
Uggh... why am I doing this to myself? :mad: I usually hate drama and needless suffering, and here I am the one creating it. When we were dating, he used to be the one to cyberstalk me, and now I'm doing that. Yuck. I'd rather he remember me positively, but my last email didn't achieve that... as I'm making it pretty obvious to him how much this is killing me.
I previously told myself that I wouldn't start dating until I was emotionally available, as I have been hurt in the past by emotionally unavailable men, and I don't want to do the same to anyone. I think I just created these profiles as a distraction, and because I feel I should, since I'm already 32 (going on 33). At this point, I really just need time to stop communicating with him entirely and to heal. I'm not really sure what I will do with the online dating profile that I signed up and paid for... as things are still raw at this point. I feel in some ways that they shouldn't still be raw, since I have not even seen him in person in 2 years as we've been long distance... but the closure still hurts. And I have always been loyal to him, as I took my vows very very seriously.
There are a lot of transitions in my life right now. I complete my professional degree in 2 months, and will be moving to a new city away from my parents and sister. I'll have to be alone and start afresh. My relationship with him taught me what a loving, devoted and patient spouse I could be. I have a lot going for me, but the only thing that still holds me back in dating is the extra weight I have to lose... and it's a lot of weight. He always told me I was beautiful, and thus I was never forced to lose it, but I'm tired of being the obese girl with the 'very cute face' (as others have stated). I've struggled with weight issues since I was a kid, so this is long standing issue. But I know that I need to take charge of my own ship, and turn my life in the direction I want. Just need the courage to attempt this.
Anyway, just wanted to throw my update out there....
Put the internet to work for you.
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