hey hey,
so i just joined this forum and i was hoping i could get some advice..
so i really suck at communicating verbally.. my love language is definitely NOT words of affirmation or words period..
I am very passive and laid back person and this translates to my marriage.. i am very chill, i cook, i clean, laundry, and by reading that my love language is acts of service... i don't do it to prove a point, i don;t do it cause my wife forces me to or anything i just do it cause it's our house and our family ..
My wife's #1 love language is words... and i know that.. but i just can't seem to get it out of me..
i wouldnt say our marriage is bad.. it's actually GREAT.. BUT when she's mad oh mann... i wouldn't even want that on my worst enemy...
to make it short.. the anology i have given her and the one i like is that it feels your getting your butt whooped to the ground and ur still getting hit on the ground and everytime u get up u get hit... but at the sametime expected to get your head on straight and talk..
she throws in snippy remarks "if you can't do this right.. then do that.. at least be good in one thing"
or
"can you do this.. oh wait you never do it well so nevermind"
when she gets mad and yells i curl up into a ball of silence.. not because i want to but:
a) i'm so hurt on the things she says
b) if i open my mouth she will attack me
c) if i don't open my mouth i get remarks like "yah that's what i thought.. u have nothing to say"
there are more points.. but to her benefit its partly my fault.. maybe my communication is that bad that after a huge fight yesterday she's been giving me silence saying "it's too late, u had all day to talk to me and u didn"
i was just so hurt that someone that loves me can treat me like the way she did.. but on the other hand i did say things to push her buttons..
we were setting stuff up and i told her "why can;t u do it faster" it was mostly a joke but she can't handle those JOKINGLY remarks.. cause they do have some meaning behind it..
so i am at work today and she reads my messages but doesn't reply.. i know i just need to say the things i need to say directly and strongly without getting mad.. but sometimes its so hard..
she's very strong in personality and very A Type.. how do u talk to someone like that? mind you i had and still slightly have a very low self esteem and by her saying the things she does doesn't really help.. but at the same time because i am so unsure in my communication i can see how frustrating it is for her..
sorry if this seems all over the place.. but i just needed to hear some experiences and advice..
she thinks i don't care because i don't say anything .. but in reality i care for her more then anything.. she'd rather see me communicate that then show her...
so i just joined this forum and i was hoping i could get some advice..
so i really suck at communicating verbally.. my love language is definitely NOT words of affirmation or words period..
I am very passive and laid back person and this translates to my marriage.. i am very chill, i cook, i clean, laundry, and by reading that my love language is acts of service... i don't do it to prove a point, i don;t do it cause my wife forces me to or anything i just do it cause it's our house and our family ..
My wife's #1 love language is words... and i know that.. but i just can't seem to get it out of me..
i wouldnt say our marriage is bad.. it's actually GREAT.. BUT when she's mad oh mann... i wouldn't even want that on my worst enemy...
to make it short.. the anology i have given her and the one i like is that it feels your getting your butt whooped to the ground and ur still getting hit on the ground and everytime u get up u get hit... but at the sametime expected to get your head on straight and talk..
she throws in snippy remarks "if you can't do this right.. then do that.. at least be good in one thing"
or
"can you do this.. oh wait you never do it well so nevermind"
when she gets mad and yells i curl up into a ball of silence.. not because i want to but:
a) i'm so hurt on the things she says
b) if i open my mouth she will attack me
c) if i don't open my mouth i get remarks like "yah that's what i thought.. u have nothing to say"
there are more points.. but to her benefit its partly my fault.. maybe my communication is that bad that after a huge fight yesterday she's been giving me silence saying "it's too late, u had all day to talk to me and u didn"
i was just so hurt that someone that loves me can treat me like the way she did.. but on the other hand i did say things to push her buttons..
we were setting stuff up and i told her "why can;t u do it faster" it was mostly a joke but she can't handle those JOKINGLY remarks.. cause they do have some meaning behind it..
so i am at work today and she reads my messages but doesn't reply.. i know i just need to say the things i need to say directly and strongly without getting mad.. but sometimes its so hard..
she's very strong in personality and very A Type.. how do u talk to someone like that? mind you i had and still slightly have a very low self esteem and by her saying the things she does doesn't really help.. but at the same time because i am so unsure in my communication i can see how frustrating it is for her..
sorry if this seems all over the place.. but i just needed to hear some experiences and advice..
she thinks i don't care because i don't say anything .. but in reality i care for her more then anything.. she'd rather see me communicate that then show her...
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