My H has been blocking out his emotions since he ended things 4 weeks ago, he's been acting as though he doesn't care & never loved me which I doubted was the truth but had to take what he was saying as the truth. He was rebelling in a huge way i suppose and took control of the situation in the only way he knew how. I know him VERY well & I think maybe that he has panicked and ended things as he couldn't handle the situation anymore and was scared of feeling trapped like he has in the past.
He had come out of rehab and removed the drugs/drink but both our behaviours & issues were still there so we fell straight back into the same old pattern, neither of us were happy & i believe it had to happen to allow us both to step back and reassess the situation. Anyway, we have 2 children together plus a business together so we see each other daily and are in regular contact. My H was adamant that right now he can't be with me & he doesn't know about the future but for now he wants to be able to do what he wants and find out who he is, I do understand this as he's finally drug free for the first time in his whole adult life and he's exploring what he wants, shame it had to effect me tho! I have made clear to him that I agree right now we can't be together & that we both have work to do on ourselves individually but that sometime in the future I think we could work things out. We are going to relate but this is strictly for communication for the kids sakes at the moment (h is choice).
We agreed in the last relate session some points to reduce the animosity & arguments and it's worked wonders - we've been like the best of friends the past week and it's really felt like old times, our deep connection is still there and we've enjoyed each other's company again. H has hinted a lot the past few days that maybe his love for me is there after all, I told him I suspected he is suppressing it because right now he wants to be free and if he admits his real feelings he'll have to act on that, he replied "yes I think your probably right" he's also said lots of times that this situation is for now and he doesn't want a divorce, we don't know what the future will bring etc. He's also said he misses his family very much & that he wishes he did love me.
He has so many built up resentments towards me from whilst he was deep in addiction and so I'm not at all surprised he can't feel love for me, he's dealing with these issues through a 12 step programme and I'm also doing a 12 step programme myself to help me assess my life & see where I want to go. Im trying not to build my hopes up as he's not said outright that he's having doubts but hes hinted on it lots & his actions very much suggest that he is... I'm trying to give him the space he needs to figure out how he feels & working on myself, I'm also trying to show him the many good points of our marriage. Hard to strike a balance tho!!
Anyway I just wanted to update & share, I'm living each day as it comes and not thinking about the future right now - the thought of the future without him is too painful! x
He had come out of rehab and removed the drugs/drink but both our behaviours & issues were still there so we fell straight back into the same old pattern, neither of us were happy & i believe it had to happen to allow us both to step back and reassess the situation. Anyway, we have 2 children together plus a business together so we see each other daily and are in regular contact. My H was adamant that right now he can't be with me & he doesn't know about the future but for now he wants to be able to do what he wants and find out who he is, I do understand this as he's finally drug free for the first time in his whole adult life and he's exploring what he wants, shame it had to effect me tho! I have made clear to him that I agree right now we can't be together & that we both have work to do on ourselves individually but that sometime in the future I think we could work things out. We are going to relate but this is strictly for communication for the kids sakes at the moment (h is choice).
We agreed in the last relate session some points to reduce the animosity & arguments and it's worked wonders - we've been like the best of friends the past week and it's really felt like old times, our deep connection is still there and we've enjoyed each other's company again. H has hinted a lot the past few days that maybe his love for me is there after all, I told him I suspected he is suppressing it because right now he wants to be free and if he admits his real feelings he'll have to act on that, he replied "yes I think your probably right" he's also said lots of times that this situation is for now and he doesn't want a divorce, we don't know what the future will bring etc. He's also said he misses his family very much & that he wishes he did love me.
He has so many built up resentments towards me from whilst he was deep in addiction and so I'm not at all surprised he can't feel love for me, he's dealing with these issues through a 12 step programme and I'm also doing a 12 step programme myself to help me assess my life & see where I want to go. Im trying not to build my hopes up as he's not said outright that he's having doubts but hes hinted on it lots & his actions very much suggest that he is... I'm trying to give him the space he needs to figure out how he feels & working on myself, I'm also trying to show him the many good points of our marriage. Hard to strike a balance tho!!
Anyway I just wanted to update & share, I'm living each day as it comes and not thinking about the future right now - the thought of the future without him is too painful! x
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