[Okay this is ended up being longer than I expected- sorry!]
I'm a 19 year old girl- on a gap year, currently in the process of applying to uni.
Basically, over the past 4 years or so, I've become very wary and cautious about getting involved with guys in a romantic way. I don't know why.
What I mean is, if I get asked out or approached by anyone, I automatically refuse (even if I'd like to go on a date with them).
It's strange because I actually have a lot more close male friends than I do female. I have no problem talking to guys, hanging out etc, but as soon as it gets romantic I withdraw into a shell. I get scared. I flirt, but that's it- any more than that and I just can't cope.
I'm confident with talking to people, making jokes, saying hi to strangers etc, and most people I know describe me as being outgoing and confident. In fact, I feel the complete opposite.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's because I'm scared of getting hurt, or hurting the guy- I just tend to see it as "well it's not going to last for ever so what's the point?"
I think it also has to do with coming from a religious family. I'm not religious myself- but if the people around me and my family found out about me being in a relationship, they would not approve unless he shared the same faith (and I actually know no guys who do that I'm interested in).
I'm not really confident about myself physically either.
I'm not overweight, but I'm a bit bigger than I'd like to be. It's not bad I guess, but I just don't feel happy about myself at the moment. I also feel as if I need to improve myself as a person as well- be more kind and focus on the way I think, before having a relationship... I feel like I shouldn't really get involved with a guy unless I'm satisfied with the person I am.
I'm scared that we'd both get bored of the relationship after a while, or we'll both change and grow apart... It'll just be pointless if that happens.
I do want a relationship; I've never had a proper one before (I went out with 2 guys a long time ago but it didn't amount to anything). It would be really nice to have someone who's both a best friend and someone to care for in a romantic way.
Maybe it's something to do with the fact that there is absolutely nobody I've ever known that fully knows me. I don't know anyone that I could be 100% honest about my life and experiences with (concerning family and health in particular) as I've gone through some pretty unique things and I don't think many others out there would be able to relate to.
I'd feel fake being in a relationship with someone that didn't know everything about me (and that I didn't know everything about in turn).
I just feel like I need someone that can be there all of the time, and who I can be there for, without change between us. Friends come and go. One minute you're great friends with a person, the next minute it's like they've never spoken to you in their life. And I hate that.
I've never really had anyone who's "looked after" me or cared for me before, and I think I'd feel really awkward and uncomfortable if somebody ended up being like that with me. I like to give help and care, but I'm awful at receiving it
At the moment I guess it's not a massive problem, as I'm hoping to go to uni this September so there's no point in getting in or finding a relationship when I'm leaving soon.
But if/when I do go to uni, I really want to use the new environment and people as a chance to remake myself- be more confident and positive. But I'm still afraid that I'll meet someone and then ruin it by going back into my shell.
Does anybody have any relationship advice?
How can I keep things simple and honest with guys without getting scared or messing it up? What do I do if I meet someone?
Thanks in advance :)
(and happy Valentine's Day!!)
I'm a 19 year old girl- on a gap year, currently in the process of applying to uni.
Basically, over the past 4 years or so, I've become very wary and cautious about getting involved with guys in a romantic way. I don't know why.
What I mean is, if I get asked out or approached by anyone, I automatically refuse (even if I'd like to go on a date with them).
It's strange because I actually have a lot more close male friends than I do female. I have no problem talking to guys, hanging out etc, but as soon as it gets romantic I withdraw into a shell. I get scared. I flirt, but that's it- any more than that and I just can't cope.
I'm confident with talking to people, making jokes, saying hi to strangers etc, and most people I know describe me as being outgoing and confident. In fact, I feel the complete opposite.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's because I'm scared of getting hurt, or hurting the guy- I just tend to see it as "well it's not going to last for ever so what's the point?"
I think it also has to do with coming from a religious family. I'm not religious myself- but if the people around me and my family found out about me being in a relationship, they would not approve unless he shared the same faith (and I actually know no guys who do that I'm interested in).
I'm not really confident about myself physically either.
I'm not overweight, but I'm a bit bigger than I'd like to be. It's not bad I guess, but I just don't feel happy about myself at the moment. I also feel as if I need to improve myself as a person as well- be more kind and focus on the way I think, before having a relationship... I feel like I shouldn't really get involved with a guy unless I'm satisfied with the person I am.
I'm scared that we'd both get bored of the relationship after a while, or we'll both change and grow apart... It'll just be pointless if that happens.
I do want a relationship; I've never had a proper one before (I went out with 2 guys a long time ago but it didn't amount to anything). It would be really nice to have someone who's both a best friend and someone to care for in a romantic way.
Maybe it's something to do with the fact that there is absolutely nobody I've ever known that fully knows me. I don't know anyone that I could be 100% honest about my life and experiences with (concerning family and health in particular) as I've gone through some pretty unique things and I don't think many others out there would be able to relate to.
I'd feel fake being in a relationship with someone that didn't know everything about me (and that I didn't know everything about in turn).
I just feel like I need someone that can be there all of the time, and who I can be there for, without change between us. Friends come and go. One minute you're great friends with a person, the next minute it's like they've never spoken to you in their life. And I hate that.
I've never really had anyone who's "looked after" me or cared for me before, and I think I'd feel really awkward and uncomfortable if somebody ended up being like that with me. I like to give help and care, but I'm awful at receiving it
At the moment I guess it's not a massive problem, as I'm hoping to go to uni this September so there's no point in getting in or finding a relationship when I'm leaving soon.
But if/when I do go to uni, I really want to use the new environment and people as a chance to remake myself- be more confident and positive. But I'm still afraid that I'll meet someone and then ruin it by going back into my shell.
Does anybody have any relationship advice?
How can I keep things simple and honest with guys without getting scared or messing it up? What do I do if I meet someone?
Thanks in advance :)
(and happy Valentine's Day!!)
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